The cold weather always brings back memories. Time slips from autumn to winter as days get shorter & the nights, more lonely. Cold nights bring back dreams taken in the shape of bloody nightmares; they have come true. I lay warmly in my bed, the soft blanket protecting my shivering body. This bed holds memories from when I would take the shiny metal & press it against my skin. Taproot blaring on the radio. Well-lit room with whimsical furniture that should belong to a girl just a few years younger than I am. It belongs to a girl who sat with smudged eyeliner & a saline crust around her eyes. No one was there to see me.

When I step out of the cold night, the darkness seduces me. But tonight I want something different. I want to spend the night out under the open. In the backseat of a car with a sunroof where we can watch the stars. I want to draw in the fog after breathing on the window. The coldness will sting but I will hold on & be held. I want to be kissed sweetly. I want fingers gently tracing every curve on my body & lips trembling before my ear. I want to lay through the night & close my eyes & enter a sweet dream, knowing that we're safe from the world.

On sleepless nights I lay in my bed & at stare at the light of the moon that creeps between the blinds. I realize how naïve I am & how little I know about the world. I face the world & pretend that I have it under my belt when I am simply under the world's belt. I just want to get free & have a taste of what it is to hang outside my window.

I could stare at the moon all night.