How I came out to my (then) wife
I married my ex-wife on September 18, 1993 in Montreal. We then had moved to Trenton, Ontario and then to Vancouver, British Columbia in 1996. I had never told her that I was transsexual because of a variety of things. First being I was in denial of it, and secondly I loved her deeply and felt that it would be "cured" by being with her. Obviously I was wrong.
Things were not going too great between us after moving to Vancouver. Her mother had just passed away and she was not taking it well. My stepson was disappointed to move so far away from basically his only friend (he was not very sociable). I was not only working with the Armed Forces but also at Westfair Foods (Superstore) for a period of time. I was stressed and so were they.
I think the stress finally got to both of us. We were constantly fighting and hadn't had "relations" for a while. I was suffering from depression and so was she (but unlike her I wasn't on medication at the time, I didn't want to ruin any chances with the Forces).
Finally,
one day she sat me down at the dining room table. She said she wanted to
ask me something and she told me not to be afraid to tell the truth. I
said okay, and asked her what is it she wanted to know. Nothing could have
prepared me for the next words out of her mouth, and I'll never forget
them. She asked "Do you want to be a woman?" I was dumbfounded, and I swear
my jaw must have hit the table. I couldn't speak for what was probably
only a few seconds but what felt like an eternity. I started to cry, and
then said "Yes, I'm so sorry, but I feel that I am one already and I have
the wrong body." We both shared some tears for a
while,
and we talked it out some more.
Why did I pick then to come out? I think a lot of it had to do with being under lots of stress, and also that I came out to someone who appeared ready to deal with it. It seemed right. I couldn't keep it in much longer, and I had begun to think suicidal thoughts not long before that night. If I had waited much longer I would have had a nervous breakdown or killed myself.
How did it all turn out? Well, we're no longer together and we are not on civil terms anymore. She couldn't fully understand it in the end after all. We had talked about staying together up until June 1998 but then things fell apart from then on. She could not fully comprehend that I was female inside and wanted the surgery. Another thing she couldn't understand was why I still told her I loved her. I did, and to an extent still do. I love her now for being the first one to help bring this out before it was too late.