Some thoughts on my coming out
Now that everybody who is important to me knows I am a transsexual and I need gender reassignment surgery, I feel very happy and relieved with only a few disappointments. The happiness far outweighs the disappointments in my life and I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
First, my disappointments. The biggest was that my mother cannot accept me for who I am and that she disowned me. I have come to terms with it and it does not bother me anymore as I now know where she stands. But, I would still like to have her at least try and accept me and call me her daughter. That may happen with time, and I will give her all the time she needs. I'm not going to try and force it on her as that would cause more friction.
Another disappointment was the fact I could no longer stay in the military. It had nothing to do with my gender dysphoria, and I fully understand that. I loved the army and the lifestyle (except for extended periods in the field in winter!) I would have liked to have fully transitioned on the job and remained in it if I could have, but it was not to be. I will always carry fond memories of my 13 years in the service of my country and fully support them. The Canadian Forces supported me and did their best to keep me free from harassment. They are a class act in the armed forces of the world.
My happiness comes mostly from finally being able to be me. Although most of my family and many of my friends are supportive, even if they weren't I think I still would be happy. I say this because I am alive. I can enjoy my life now and be free of the act I had to put on as a male.
Of course I am happy that I have a father, step-mother, brother and sister who are all very supportive and love me for who I am. This has added considerably to my happiness and has helped me out greatly in my transition. I think that this is an important factor for me, to be accepted for who I am now and not who I was before.
I am not the same person I was before in many respects. I have always been very open minded towards others, and that has not changed, but much has. As a male I was living a lie, putting on an act trying to be someone I was not. There were times I acted tough and macho and I didn't feel right doing it. As a teenager and young adult I turned to alcohol to ease the pain, which of course did not but only added to it. Now, I am free to be me and I no longer have to put on any act. I've always been effeminate in my actions, such as the way I walk naturally, sit, and talk.
My journey will be a long one, but it is a journey I would walk through hot coals to complete. For me to find total happiness I must find myself more and explore new regions of the uncharted self.