| BEFORE - You take my breath away. | AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating. |
| BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation. | AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac. |
| BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever | AFTER - Monday Night Football |
| BEFORE - Don't stop. | AFTER - Don't start. |
| BEFORE - Is that all you're having? | AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey. |
| BEFORE - $60/doz. | AFTER - $1.50/stem |
| BEFORE - We agree on everything. | AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own? |
| BEFORE - Victoria's Secret | AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom |
| BEFORE - Charming and Noble | AFTER - Chernobyl |
| BEFORE - Idol | AFTER - Idle |
| BEFORE - I love a woman with curves. | AFTER - I never said you were fat. |
| BEFORE - He's completely lost without me. | AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions? |
| BEFORE - Time stood still. | AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere. |
| BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino | AFTER - Bagel and instant |
| BEFORE - You look so seductive in black. | AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing. |
| BEFORE - Oysters | AFTER - Fishsticks |
| BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other. | AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you. |
| BEFORE - Passion | AFTER - Ration |
| BEFORE - Once upon a time | AFTER - The end |