Some needed advice

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
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Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.  Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
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If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin'somebody else's dog around.
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If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
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Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
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It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of  sheep.
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Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
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Always drink upstream from the herd.Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
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If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then.
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Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n  puttin' it back.
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Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it backin
your pocket.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing;
3.feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychologyintro
course
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Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some
of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it---and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down
on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid
again---and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold
one anymore.-- Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens, American
Writer,1835-1910)
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Life in a vacuum sucks.
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When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
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Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
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Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion
Chinese couldn't care less.
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Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again.-- F. P. Jones
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent
disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams, _Last Chance to See_
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As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not
important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me
so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. --
Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a
woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of
the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't
believe?"-- Quentin Crisp