(1998)

review by:

1-26-04

Written by: Peter Lance Directed by: John Woo Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Kam Heskin, Phillip MacKenzie

Jack Devlin (Lundgren), a U.S. Marshal who protects high-profile clients, takes up the case of Cinder James (Heskin), a supermodel with a killer on her tail. The thing is, an earlier attempt on a little girl's life has left Jack afraid of the color white. Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. Big Mr. Devlin, expert at trampoline shooting, trooper against drug use, and wielder of razor-sharp playing cards, is afraid of the color white. Man, wouldn't it be unfortunate for him to wander into, say, a dairy processing plant after a pointless chase scene involving ill-tempered men on motorcycles? That really would suck for him. Or for him to have to fight his white-clad enemy in a big room with white curtains everywhere? Boy howdy. Wait a minute...these way-out-there and very-unlikely-to-happen-in-real-life scenarios do happen in Blackjack. Peter Lance is poison. Dolph Lundgren was riding high as an A-list actor before this piece of crap. Oh wait...no he wasn't. But he was still really, really cool. And he still is, but now I can't picture his face without hearing the line "Don't worry, you've got milk." How I shudder. And maybe John Woo should consider watching one of his old Hong Kong films, possibly rekindling the fire that made him cool in the first place. Not that these two are completely to blame for this movie blowing the big one. See, the film industry is a collaborative effort. Huge amounts of people get together to make a film, producing a two hour reel of magic from their blood and sweat. The only fluids poured into Blackjack appear to be milk and liquid stupidity. And never are the horrible qualities of this movie more apparent than when the little girl Devlin adopts is on screen. Man, does she suck. She's one of those extremely punchable characters you're constantly hoping Dolph will...punch, but being the only little girl in the film, you know she won't get a bullet in the head or anything. Dammit. But every bad movie has its good points, right? No. But Blackjack sure does. This is most definitely one of those movies that's so bad it's funny. Hearing Dolph Lundgren say some of the things scripted for him is alone worth renting this (I won't spoil some of the best movie lines ever). Trust me, you'll know them when you hear them. The action scenes are just as dumb as the dialogue, and get almost as many laughs (hint: everything explodes). And did I mention that this movie features a lot of milk? Well...it does. In the end, Blackjack isn't so terrible. Or is it? I don't know...but it's a fun watch with a group of friends and a sense of humor. If you're looking for a serious action film, though, you'll probably have better luck with Paulie Shore's In the Army Now.

Rating