(2003)

review by:

1-20-04

Written by: Malcolm Kohll, Gordon Render Directed by: Jason Wolfsohn Starring: Scott Bairstow, Rachel Shelley, Warrick Grier

A group of soldiers and a scientist get stranded in the Nambi Desert after finding the stripped bodies of their colleagues. Something ancient has been released, and it's after them... Man, this movie really, really could have sucked. One look at the back cover and it appears to be a Pitch Black-esque load of crap (not that said movie was all that bad, but not very original). Surprisingly, though, The Bone Snatcher is phalange-lickin' good. It starts with some guys looking for diamonds, and instead finding DOOM. Meanwhile, Dr. Zack Straker, who specializes in water (we think) is called in to help some soldiers carry fuel from Point A to Point B, with lots and lots of sand in the middle. Forgive me for not being 100 percent sure of the facts, I thought I'd have to shut my brain off to enjoy this film at all. However, once Dr. Zack, let's call him Zack, meets up with the soldiers, I really began seeing the strengths this movie had. I mean, the dialogue actually appeared to have been written by someone over the age of 12. Had they finally fired that blind, prepubescent monkey who's been churning out these trapped-somewhere-with-a-slightly-ill-tempered-koala movies? I guess. And the acting...it's actually good! I'm usually not a Nazi about it, but I miss good old professional performances. The Bone Snatcher has something few of these films do: characterization. These people aren't uniformly-speaking automatons as expendable as the Putties from Power Rangers (you know what I'm talking about...admit it). They're smart and sometimes even funny, like the truck driver chick who I just loved. Actually, I think one of the main reasons these characters appeal to the viewer is because they actually are smart, a rarity in horror movies. There's a fire, they actually jump out of the truck and grab the extinguisher instead of sitting around with their fingers up dark places. The zany loose cannon guy's about to do something potentially stupid, they stop him instead of sitting around with their fingers up dark places. The writing's great, and it's complimented by the good performances. But of course the best thing about The Bone Snatcher is the "monster." Without giving too much away, we can say that it does indeed snatch bones. This CG creature looks great in each of its incarnations, especially when it appears to be vomiting little beasties out of a familiar character's face. Though possibly a tad illogical (we didn't see too many advantages to its MO), the monster is still cooler than Barney in a blender and definitely makes the movie worth seeing (if good performances aren't enough). The only downside to this movie is the very last scene, which isn't bad, just confusing. We weren't sure of the exact intent of the scene, whether it was looking for a "heh, look at that" or an "oh shit!" I don't know...if you've seen it tell us what you think. In the end, The Bone Snatcher is definitely a good movie. The characters and situations are well-written, the monster is creepy, and the film as a whole is done well. However, it did ruin my favorite hobby of covering myself with honey and sitting on an ant hill. Damn...

AKA: Harvey's Getting Antsy

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