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(2003)

review by:

12-23-03

Written and Directed by: Kevin Campbell Starring: Kira Reed, Renee Deemer, Jeff Nicholson, Angela Brubaker

The Church Ladies, a group of Catholic women who blame cheerleaders for all porn on the internet, have recruited The Evil Stephen and his cheerleader-hating students to get rid of the Happy Valley High cheerleaders. The Happy Valley "Hamsters" must not only fight for their survival, but they must team up with the Star Trek Nerds to stop a mastermind from taking over the world with his "Internet Domination Zombie" virus. I've been told a few times that I'm too hard on some of the "lower-end" films I review, that I expect too much from low-budget movies and don't give them the credit they deserve (for having actually been made and all). But my belief is that budget alone does not make a movie (Batman & Robin), but rather talent, spirit, and sense of humor. I believe that there are low-budget films out there that are actually good, and that the viewer can enjoy without lowering his/her expectations and having to strain to see something good in a pile of crap. The opening shot of Cheerleader Ninjas made us groan. It was the same quality digital picture as many, many crappy movies we've seen (and our own attempts at cinema). Our operant conditioning made us scared, because almost every digital B-movie we've seen has sucked three whole monkeys. But then the credits started...and they were funny. Intentionally, genuinely funny. All expectations were immediately lost, and by the end I knew I had found my holy grail. It starts with a list of alternate titles, like "Kick-Boxing Kennel Bitches in Heat" and "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog." It only gets better from there. Cheerleader Ninjas features some of the funniest dialogue and situations of any movie I've seen. A loud uterus, fighting chickens, and random blowup doll insertions into fight scenes were some of the few things that sent GameSlave, Borg Queen, Burnstorm and me into tears. Now, I don't know how funny that sounds in print, but the visual execution is amazing. The quality of this movie is what we at Phantom Films hope to someday accomplish under our Cellar Door Productions endeavor. Cheerleader Ninjas is low-budget, corny, and caters mainly to movie geeks like us, but it's actually done well. Okay, so maybe the acting is less than good at times (with the exception of Jeff Nicholson, who's hate-filled gay teacher was reason enough to see this movie), but the characters are so likeable and the dialogue so good that the acting barely matters to enjoyment of the film. Maybe the fart jokes were a little excessive, but this movie actually has some funny ones. And maybe a couple of scenes go on a little longer than we care to see, but any moment of tedium is saved by a pretty good gag. Cheerleader Ninjas was a pleasant surprise. It was nice to be entertained by the film itself, and not our own ridicule of it. We rented it expecting...something, and ended up stumbling upon a great movie. I highly recommend that everyone make a bad ninja costume, backflip into the local video store, and demand Cheerleader Ninjas in broken "Engrish."

AKA: Kill Bill...Shatner          Enter the Ninja 2: Gently This Time

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