(2003)

review by:

12-12-03

Written by: Mark A. Altman and Dave Parker Directed by: Uwe Boll Starring: Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso, Clint Howard, Ona Grauer, Ellie Cornell, Will Sanderson

The biggest rave of the year (sponsored by Sony) is being held on an island. This place had all the townsfolk scared to death of it. Well, a few college students arrive late and manage to bribe a fisherman and is first mate to take them there. When they arrive, they find only a few survivors of a massacre (that was never shown). Apparently they were attacked by zombies. A cop shows up and they all take refuge in a house on the island only to discover the underground passages that lead to the nesting ground of more zombie-like creatures. Oh, my my my my my. So much to say. First let it be known that I have played the video game in depth, but due to lack of quarters, have never beaten it. Now let me get this off my chest. You all know here at Phantom Films, I am a complete Trekkie and will defend it to my grave. In House of the Dead the fisherman's name is Captain Kirk, and Clint Howard is his first mate. They made one Star Trek joke about that and I was completely turned off from the movie for a while. Howard, how could you stand to do that (the joke involved him being compared to Mr. Spock). You were on the original series, you were Balock for god sakes. That was low, man. By the way, this was all followed by a sarcastic remark about Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings. So the writers' logic, I suppose, is to reference better movies and hopefully no one will notice this film's plot line. The story was weak, with not that much character development. Let's just leave it at that. House of the Dead tried VERY hard to mimic the game. I do appreciate the director's attempt at this. During most on the fight scenes, they edit in shots of the video game. So it's like the character's POV of the game. This was edited very well. Also, when a character died they go to this scene where they stand under a red light, giving the impression of GAME OVER. I really liked that. It was fun to watch, because you just felt like shouting out "You've found a shotgun," "You've found a first aid kit," or, "Protect the cop". An interesting scene was when they come to house. It's covered with zombies, so they have to fight their way through to the shelter. This must have been 10 minutes long because they would cut to a character (mind you there are about 8), and stay on each of them for way too long, showing off their moves. Again we felt like shouting out, "Choose your character now." There should have been stats in the bottom corner or something. I thought this was clever, but it was long and my attention span is short. At least it was action-y. The gore was disappointing. I had heard that the website for the movie had to be taken down and reworked because it was too gory. Having that in mind, the movie didn't deliver for me. The end was good, of course leaves it open for a sequel, and very believable as to what would happen in real life. I am very torn to give this a rating. If this had been a straight-to-video attempt, it would have gotten a "Good." I didn't like seeing this in a theatre at all. However, I do appreciate it for what it is...another popcorn action flick.

Rating



Comments

From: Honumon Rating: Bad This movie makes me die. It's that bad. Maybe the game clips thrown in there amuse some, but to me it's just lazy. Over 5 minutes of the movie are probably made up of those damn things. No scene passes without reminding you that this isn't a movie, but rather a live action video game. And whoever choreographed the fight scenes needs to go back baking or whatever job they did before deciding they could make movies. In the action scene Borg Queen talked about they show EACH of the 8 characters shooting their guns in "bullet time," followed by a character select-esque shot. Or something. By number 3 my brain had melted and dripped out of my nose. And don't forget that House of the Dead also starred the awesome Jurgen Prochnow (Judge Dredd, Wing Commander). He kicked two whole asses, but the rest of the movie sucked them.

From: wouldn't you like to know Rating: Horrible I heard this director is actually working on not just one sequeal, but two (So have we...we cried -Honumon). So this piece of shit will eventually be a trilogy. Dear god in heaven, please let no one fund it. Never have I felt so violated after watich a film. Aviod this at all costs.