(2003)

review by:

1-30-04

Written and Directed by: Terry M. West Starring: Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, AJ Khan, Michael R. Thomas

Dildo Saggins and her Throbbit companions, Spam and Horny, are sent by the wise yet wasted wizard Smirnoff on a quest to save Diddle Earth by traveling to Party-pooper Volcano and destroying the evil G-string of Whorespank, all while evading the flatulent SourAss and the grimy Ballem. Sound familiar? Well, yeah, but does that certain other movie have a gay knight and the Queen of the Nymphomaniacs? I don't thinks so! Honumon, Borg Queen, and I are all huge Lord of the Rings fans, so naturally when we saw this on the shelf, we knew we'd have to watch it, despite that it looked like cheesy softcore porn. Turns out our assumptions were wrong, at least in part. The movie we rented is actually the R-rated, edited version of the unrated Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String. What's the difference, you ask? About 20 minutes worth of sex. Every time the scene fades to black after two people start getting it on is another place where they cut out the hardcore grind sessions. If porn is what you're looking for, you'll be in for a disappointment. If you're anything like us though, then you'll agree that this is actually the better version. By editing out all the excessive screwing, the movie flows a lot better, and what you're left with is an enjoyably corny and very well written comedy. Sure, the acting's not the greatest and the CG landscape scenes look something out of an N64 game, but you'll be laughing too hard to gripe. Once again, as with the original story, it's the wizard who steals the show. All of Smirnoff's scenes are pure comedic gold ("I fought a battle with SourAss? I just chalked that up to a lost weekend."). As far as spoofs go, this is one of the best I've seen. Mel Brooks would be proud. Bear in mind though that this only covers the events of the first book/movie, so maybe if we're lucky, there'll be a sequel or two. Then again, I'm not so sure I could take any more fart jokes; one movie's worth is enough.

AKA: Tolkien's Angels

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