(2002)

review by:

2-13-04

Written by: Stephen Sustarsic Directed by: Steve Cuden Starring: Michael Emanuel, Piper Cochrane

A failing cartoon artist hits a dog and nurses him back to health. This is no ordinary dog, though...it telepathically helps Millard turn his career around, as well as help him become a killer. ...Holy...God. I have successfully gouged out both of my eyes, as well as those of everyone else in the room. Only my utter hatred of this movie allows me to type this. GameSlave, Borg Queen and I finally rented what promised to be a weird and awesome film. I really didn't think we were capable of being this wrong. Lucky is, quite frankly, crap. It starts with an extremely boring narrative by Millard Mudd, our dopey slob of a hero. As if the first person narrative wasn't bad enough, it soon turns excruciatingly philosophical. For five minutes. I'm sorry, but when I rent a movie about a serial killer and his talking dog, I have very little interest in pretentious 50 cent words being thrown at me in a pathetic attempt at "making me think." A guy in a bath robe standing over a sink taking about the real him on the other side of the mirror just makes me...die. And if this crippled shell of a philosophical "super narrative" wasn't bad enough, it's set to a bad montage of looping footage only a beginning film student could puke up. I say this as a film student who myself knows better than to reuse boring shots and intercut random black and white in an attempt to be artsy. Holy damn. Wait, don't go out and buy this baby just yet. Aside for the torturous narrative laid over the whole movie, Lucky is...still pretty bad. The writing, in general, is not great. The direction is very "student film"; half the shots look like they were assigned as homework exercises. That is, if you can see what's going on in any given shot. Lighting Lesson 14: Don't let a blind crocodile set up your lights for you. You want the suckers, I mean viewers, to see the crap you're shooting. But really, the technical stuff is a minor consideration. What's important is the story, which is great. If you're four years old. And stupid. The situations are very, very unlikely, and I can only suspend my disbelief so much. How many people can a tiny dog with tinier teeth kill and bury in the back yard? Without Millard noticing? A bunch, apparently. And that's really a fairly insignificant plot crater, but I don't have the energy or will to talk about any other parts of this monstrosity of a script. Lucky sucks. It sucks three big ones. We had to drive back to Blockbuster and rent Conan: The Barbarian to kill the disgusting sludge this left on our minds. And that's all I have to say about that.

AKA: Rin Tin Sin          Air Blood          Murder & Hooch          Lady and the Clamp

Rating