(2001)

review by:

9-01-03

Written by: Mack Millenko, Kenneth J. Hall, Matthew Jason Walsh Directed by: Ellen Cabot Starring: Julie Strain, Raelyn Saalman, Alton Butler

A girl from the Midwest comes to LA to be famous. Angie is recruited by Blonde Heaven, an escort service, and very quickly sheds her humble background in favor of sex and money. And there's the fact that her co-workers seem very...vampiric. Man...when I found out this was a Full Moon movie I just about soiled myself. I haven't come across a good one of their movies in quite a while, but my love for Puppet Master compels me to look upon any Full Moon picture with hope. And this one has Julie Strain in it...how could it not be good? Hmmm. Morgana, appropriately titled since not one character in the film is actually named Morgana, has more potential to be cool than a drunk monkey with a shotgun. Certain actors aside, it's basically a movie about vampire prostitutes, which sounds like a hoot and a half. In the opening scene a very shady-looking group of people bid for who gets to have sex with and feed off a girl in the shower. Illyana (Strain), the keeper of the law, wins the "auction," and the lesbian love scene commences. Or does it? See, these vampires have lockets that make them look like other people, so many a person is tricked into having sex with individuals who are not who they seem. It's an interesting plot device that leads to a good amount of "What do you mean I sucked last night?" "That ain't no hickey! Some critter's done gone an' bit you!" These are the immortal words of Kyle, Angie's boyfriend from...wherever. Let's just say he's never seen without his cowboy hat...He's fairly annoying, but it's fun to see him constantly messed with. Speaking of vampire bites, possibly the most inventive thing about this movie is the way said vampires "turn" their prey. It takes two bites, which is something I've never seen before. The first bite releases an enzyme which cleans the blood, and a second must be administered soon or the victim builds up an immunity and is no longer of value to the vampires. I always enjoy seeing a new spin on how these creatures do what they do. And the whole sun-will-kill-me-but-I’m-walking-around-in-it-anyway thing? Sun block. Really good sun block. Morgana has a lot of good things going for it, despite having three writers (boy howdy!). That's not necessarily bad, but in most other films it seems each of the writers leaves it to the others to put the good stuff in. And we viewers get shells of movies devoid of anything remotely interesting. Having complimented the writing, though, I have to say the directing in Morgana is pretty bad. As usual, a potentially good movie suffers from one area not pulling through. This movie has a lot of sex. We knew that when we rented it. We didn't know, though, that it would be so damn tedious. In every sex scene in Morgana, it seems that three shots are used and reused until the viewer just can't stand it anymore. During a scene taking place in a band's suite, the camera pans left and right over two potted plants, ad nauseum. Eventually GameSlave and I found it funny, but I believe it was only an attempt to not die of boredom. Never has sex been so long incredibly uninteresting. The main thing that hurts Morgana, though, is the fact that the sound is so grainy and the dialogue so unintelligible that one has to pretty much guess what's happening in parts. A tip for the sound guy: take the mic out of the plastic wrap you purchased it in. You'll get fired off of less movies that way. In the end, Morgana is alright, but not as good as it could have been. For just being an excuse for soft-core porno, it has a lot of interesting little plot points and a fun story, but it does suffer from bad direction. At least one can chuckle at Saalman constantly smiling, or ogle Julie Strain looking even hotter with vampire teeth.

AKA: Vampire Luster Double D          Fear and Moaning in Los Angeles

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