(1970)

review by:

11-27-03

Written by: Roger Ebert (yes, that Roger Ebert) Directed by: Russ Meyer Starring: Dolly Read, Cynthia Myers, Marcia McBroom

Three female rockers and their manager come to Hollywood to claim an inheritance. What they find is drugs, sex, drama, and murder, 60's style. Writing this review is like pantsing a god. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is such a mighty, glorious, fantabulously super-neato movie that even assuming it can be adequately described in a review is an insult (I've waited about a year to write this). I have seen Awesomeness, and it wears go-go boots. It starts with a disclaimer: This film is not a sequel to Valley of the Dolls, it is its own entity. Boy howdy. In fact, this movie is so much its own entity that it probably has a deity somewhere who sits around listening to The Strawberry Alarm Clock and "smoking marijuana cigarettes...reefers." He probably has cool mutton chops and speaks in Victorian English. I know I would. NC-17, campy as all holy crap, and full of quotable lines, this film is possibly my favorite B-movie. Ever. It stars a Playmate (Read, who only sometimes has a British accent), the musical numbers are so badly staged they're amazing, the characters are unbelievably melodramatic...Beyond the Valley of the Dolls really has EVERYTHING. "Does it have a caped maniac with a sword chasing a Nazi?" Why, yes it does. "Well, what about sex-exhausted lesbian performing oral action on a gun?" Why, I do believe this movie's got that too, and anything else a viewer could want. The main strength of this film, though, is the dialogue. "Up yours, Ratso!" "This is my happening and it FREAKS ME OUT!" And the ever popular: "You made me into a whore." "And you like it you little freak." Just some of the wonderful, wonderful lines that have made it into the everyday conversational stylings of me and most of my friends (really, it's not nerdy). Granted, they're probably much better in context, delivered by the large-eyed non-actors who think they're in a serious film...all the more reason you should drop everything you're doing and go get this movie right now. Buy five copies. Go on...this review will be here when you get back. ........................................................................ Okay, so now that you've seen it...didn't it kick an ass and a half? Maybe even TWO WHOLE asses? Now don't get too excited, "you'll rupture your tongue." Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, I believe, is a movie most of the crew has spent years trying to forget. It has become a cult film, though, and will hopefully NEVER go away. The world needs pure 60's camp, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls drips it from every glamorous pore. Roger, thank you. To you I scream, "Bentley, Bentley, Bentley..."

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