9-30-03 |
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Warning: This is a high speed article with sudden drops and sharp turns. Pregnant mothers
and people with back and heart conditions should not read.
When you think of "family entertainment" (not that you should, mind you), what's the first name that comes to mind? No, not the Osbournes; it's Disney. I'm talking about that sappy, heart-warming, anti-violence, the-good-guy-always-wins shite that folks like Joe Lieberman keep trying to brainwash us with. Everyone knows Disney's reputation as the ultimate family consumer conglomerate. After all, they've been making family-oriented movies and TV series for decades, and the various Disneylands are known 'round the world as the number one family vacation spots. However, something recently came to my attention. For all of Disney's appeal to family values, have you ever noticed that the majority of their animated programming deals with single-parent and broken families? Don't believe me? Then hang on to your hats and glasses, cuz I'm gonna take you on a ride of enlightenment. Please keep your hands and arms inside your seat at all times. - Aladdin: Aladdin is an orphan; Jasmine has no mother. - The Aristocats: The kittens have no father. - Atlantis: The Lost Empire: Kida's mother is killed. - Bambi: Bambi's mother is killed. - Beauty and the Beast: Belle has no mother. - The Black Cauldron: Taran is an orphan. - Cinderella: Cinderella is an orphan whose step-mother hates her; Prince Charming has no mother. - Darkwing Duck (TV): Drake is a single father of an adopted daughter. - Duck Tales (TV): Hewey, Dewey, and Louie are orphans. - Dumbo: Dumbo has no father. - Finding Nemo: Nemo's mother is killed. - Gargoyles (TV): Angela's parents, Goliath and Demona, hate each other. - Goof Troop (TV): Goofy is a single father. - Gummi Bears (TV): Princess Kala has no mother; Cavin is an orphan. - Hercules: Hercules is forced to live with a foster family. - The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Quasimodo's parents abandoned him. - The Jungle Book: Mowgli is an orphan. - The Lion King: Simba's father is killed. - The Little Mermaid: Ariel has no mother. - Peter Pan: The Lost Boys are all orphans. - Pocahontas: Pocahontas has no mother. - The Rescuers: Penny is an orphan. - The Rescuers Down Under: Cody has no father. - Sleeping Beauty: Aurora is forced to live with a foster family for 16 years; Prince Philip has no mother. - Snow White: Snow White is an orphan whose step-mother wants her dead. - The Sword in the Stone: Arthur is an orphan whose foster family hates him. - Tale Spin (TV): Kit is an orphan; Rebecca is a single mother. - Tarzan: Tarzan is an orphan whose step-father hates him. - Toy Story: Andy has no father. - Winnie the Pooh (TV): Christopher Robin has no father. (Note: If you know of any others, please write in and let me know. The truth must be known!) Remain seated please. Ser mane ser sentados por favor. Well, your stomach may not be churning, but your head might be reeling. Now granted, most of these stories weren't even written by Disney to begin with, since nearly all of Disney's animated feature films are just retellings or adaptations of classical works. It was still Disney's decision to turn them into movies, though. Those aside, just about all of Disney's original programming, the TV series in particular, involve a broken family situation of some kind. So what's the deal with all these missing parents? Does Disney have them locked up in a dungeon somewhere beneath that castle of theirs? Had only a few movies and shows lacked these characters, that would have been a different story. Disney merely would have appeared to be evolving in a world in which the divorce rate is up and single-parent families are becoming more and more common. But a majority? When a company goes that far into left field, that's when you start getting shows like Extreme Ghostbusters -- shows that are so politically correct they're uninteresting to younger audiences and insulting to older ones. There was a guy in a wheelchair for crying out loud! Not that I have anything against the physically impaired, but I doubt a handicapped guy would be out there with a proton pack busting ghouls. Whatever their reason, it doesn't seem like the kind of message that one would expect Disney to be sending. After all, every one of those ads for Disneyland shows the same stereotypical American nuclear family: Mom, Dad, young son, younger daughter, and perhaps Grandma and Grandpa thrown in for good measure. Who knows? Perhaps it's all part of some elaborate trap. Maybe Ol' Mike Eisner had a crappy childhood and now he's using one of the world's most recognized franchises to lure families in and make sure everyone else suffers the same fate. Believe me, stranger things have happened. I don't know about you, but I'm going to think twice before going to Disneyland with my folks again -- one of them might not make it out alive. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I hear the mouse-eared Gestapo coming to silence me for realizing their conspiracy. "M-I-C (See you in hell!), K-E-Y (Why? Because we said so!), M-O-U-S-E..." |