On May 16, 1973, the angels got together and decided to create a
dream come true. So they sprinkled moondust in her hair and golden
starlight... well, you probably know the rest.
Born in the humble log cabin her father built, Tori Spelling is the
only surviving human child of actor/writer/producer Aaron
Spelling and his lovely wife, Carol (known to Beverly Hills
jewelry-store proprietors as "Candy").
Moments after Tori's birth, her
parents were horrified to discover that her full name, Victoria
Davy-Micky-Mike-Peter Spelling (Mom and Dad are big
"Monkees" fans!) was just
too darn long to fit on the birth certificate. So her Mom shortened
Tori's middle name to just "Davey" (for Davy Jones -- "the cute one").
This helps to explain Tori's irrational obsession with pretty boys,
as well as her fondness for the song "Cuddly Toy".
Growing up in Hollywood, surrounded by celebrities, and up to her
ear-lobes in the glitter and glamor of show business, Tori never had
any real doubts about her career objectives. As early as age 6, she
knew
exactly
what she wanted to be when she grew up...
But then she learned that astronauts have to, y'know, like, study math and
all that sciencey stuff...
So she became an actress instead.
That decision worked out pretty well, what with her Daddy being a
multi-gazillionaire TV producer and everything. Tori worked hard
every day, putting in long hours, polishing her skills, and
perfecting her craft. In 1991, she put on a wig and dark
sunglasses -- so her Dad's employees could pretend they didn't
recognize her -- and auditioned (as "Tori Steele")
for the role of "TEEN-AGE HIGH SCHOOL GIRL #4" (later re-named
"Donna Martin") on her father's hit show,
Beverly Hills 90210.
Securing the role of a 17-year-old high school student meant
beating out some very serious competition; competition that included
such veteran performers as Angela Landsbury, Joan Rivers, Don Knotts,
and that big Jabba the Hut puppet from STAR WARS. Quite an
accomplishment for a 17-year old girl!
90210 has been a mainstay of the Fox Network since it
premiered, and, along with programs like The Simpsons,
Married... with Children,
Mad TV, Who Wants to Marry a Multi-millionaire?
and When Animals Attack, has helped to earn for the Fox Network the coveted
title of
"Network for the Lowest
Common Denominator "
(a title only recently usurped by
upstarts UPN and the WB).
90210 (currently in its
ninth and -- allegedly -- final season) continues on and on like
some undead monster from a 50's "B" movie, despite having long ago
outlived it premise: The fish-out-of-water story of a family of
Minnesotans searching for signs of intelligent life in Southern
California. The Minnesotans are all gone now -- driven off by the
horrors of L.A. -- but the show itself lingers on...
During its lengthy run, Tori's show has repeatedly demonstrated its
relevance by tackling important social issues like drug abuse, teen
abstinence, rape, AIDS prevention, and the
hidden hazards of mermaid costumes. Each week, to the delight of
millions of 90210 viewers, Tori and her merry band of spoiled,
whining, rich kids stretch their acting talents to the limit by
portraying a bunch of spoiled, whining, rich kids.
Despite the enormous disadvantages of wealth and privilege that Fate
has cruelly heaped on her slender little frame, Tori Spelling's beauty,
grace, intelligence, charm, and talent -- sharpened by years of toil
and perserverance -- have helped her to become what she is today:
Daddy's Li'l Princess.
Tori's interests include roller-blading, wasting her valuable time
with losers and pretty-boys who don't treat her right, working much
too hard, and (Thank You, God!) running around town in
outfits that might make a
Co-ed Call Girl Awake
to Danger.
The tabloids get plenty of mileage out of Tori's
taste in clothes (there must be at least
a dozen paparrazi tooling around in cars they could never afford if Tori
were given to more conservative styles). They also profit greatly from
exaggerated accounts of her sometimes eccentric antics.
Even so, it has
to be said: Tori Spelling is remarkably -- even
astonishingly -- normal considering the environment that
produced her. In a town whose human landfill overflows with the
wreckage of those who couldn't resist the darker temptations offered
by Money and Fame, Tori's most serious mis-steps consist of being overly
candid with interviewers and flaunting perhaps a little too much of her
sensational bod: Good girl!
Tori's fondest wish -- and a gol-darned admirable one, at that -- is to
someday get herself all liquored-up, put on a really good disguise (with
a couple of fake tatoos, maybe) and go to work as a
stripper, gyrating her little heart out
(well, probably more than just her little heart, come to
think of it!) for the entertainment of the lap-dance-consuming public:
Very Good girl!
Just LOOK at this angel face!
Between you and me, I think maybe I'm in love!
