Dragonslayers and the Holy Energist -off the stage- Director: Pictures for Schools, Take 8! Action! *cut to a much much younger Isaac Newton narrating, with the subtitle "a famous man who discorvered gravity" on the screen* Isaac Newton: Defeat at the castle seemed to have utterly devistated Folken. The ferocity of the Fanelian taunting had taken him completely by surprise, and Folken became convinced that a new strategy was required if the Quest for the holy Energist were to be brought to successful conclusion. Folken, having consulted his closest soldiers, decided that they should separate and search for the Energist individually. Now, here's what they did, Migel- *Zaibach alseides unit appears out of stealth cloak and impales Newton with a chrima claw* Soldier: YAAAAAAAAA!!!! Eriya: NEWTON!!!!! ~page of a book~ *trumpets play* Dornkirk: The tale, of Sir Chesta. *cut to middle of dark scary forest* Dornkirk: So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Chesta rode North, through a dark forest, accompanied by his favorite minstrels. Guimel: (singing, accompanied by sheep playing instruments. they pass a few signs saying "Certain Death" three times, and "Beware" three times while they march thru) Bravely bold Sir Chesta, rode forth from Vione. He is not afraid to die, Oh, brave Sir Chesta! He is not afraid at all to be killed in nasty ways! Brave brave brave brave Sir Chesta! He was not the least bit scared to be mushed into am pulp! Or have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken Or to have his kneecaps split and his body burned away! And his limbs all hacked and mangled brave Sir Chesta! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels undone, And his nostrils ripped and his bottum burned off, And his p- Chesta: That's uh, thats enough music for now, guys. Looks like there's dirty work afoot. *they pass a lance where three soldiers are skewered on and pass the two peasents from earlier* Gatti: (peasent) Anarcho-sydicalism is a way of preserving our freedom! Viole: (wife) Oh, forget abut freedom! We don't have enough mud! *Chesta and co. come face to face with* Dilandau/Dryden/Adelphos: (three-headed giant) HALT! Who art thou? Guimel: (singing, sheep play instruments) He is brave Sir Chesta, brave Sr Chesta! Chesta: (to Guimel) SHUT UP! (to Giant)Um..... nobody really. I'm just... passing through! Dilandau/Dryden/Adelphos(giant): What do you want? Guimel: (singing) To FIIIIIIGHT, and.... Chesta: (to Guimel) SHUT UP! (to Giant)Um..... nothing really.... I just... want to pass though, good sir knight! Dilandau/Dryden/Adelphos(Giant): I'm afraid NOT! Chesta: Well, actually, I AM a Dragonslayer of the Vione Table! Dilandau/Dryden/Adelphos(Giant): You're a Dragonslayer of the Vione Table? Chesta: *looks around* um... I am! Dilandau head(left): In that case, I shall have to kill you. Dryden head(middle): Shall I? Adelphos head(right): Oh, I don't think so! Dryden head: Well what do you think? Dilandau head: I think kill him! Adelphos head: Oh, lets be nice to him! Dilandau head: Oh, shut up! Chesta: *butting in* Um... perhaps... I could... Dilandau head: And you! Oh quick! Get the flamethrower! I wanna burn his head off! Adelphos head: Oh, burn your own head off! Dryden head: Yes, do us all a favor! Dilandau head: WHAT?! Adelphos head: Yapping all the time! Dryden head: (to Adelphos head) You're lucky! You're not next to him! Dilandau head: What do you mean?!?! Dryden head: (to Dilandau head) YOU SNORE! Dilandau head: No I don't! Anyway, you got that long hippie hair! Dryden head: Well thats only because YOU don't cut it! Adelphos head: Oh, stop it and lets go have some tea! Dilandau head: Oh, all right, all right! We'll kill him first and THEN have tea and biscuits! Dryden head: Yes. Adelphos head: No, not biscuits. Dilandau head: All right, no biscuits, but lets kill him anyway! Dilandau/Dryden/Adelphos heads: Right. *they notice Chesta and the minstrels are gone* Dryden head: He buggered off! Adelphos head: So he has, he scampered. *meanwhile* Guimel: (singing) Brave Sir Chesta ran away! Chesta: No. Guimel: Brave Sir Chesta ran away away! Chesta: I did not! Guimel: (singing) When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled! Chesta: No!!! Guimel: (singing) Yes, brave Sir Chesta turned about! Chesta: I did not! Guimel: (singing) And gallently he chickened out! Bravely taking to his feet! Chesta: I never! Guimel: (singing) He made a very brave retreat! Chesta: Liar! Guimel: Braveest of all the brave, Sir Chesta!!! Chesta: I never!!! -cut to SD cartoon- *several Ispanos are in a line, walking on a crayon-drawn ground, chanting* Ispanos: Escaflowne, Eeeescaflooooowneee! Ispano1: *laughs and jumps off a diving board in front of him and dives into a cartoon pool that looks like blue crayon scribble* WEEE! Ispanos: Escaaaaaaflooooooowne.... *another Ispano dives in, and then a third one makes a jump, but the jump is too far and he goes sailing off the screen and past the title "The Tale of Sir Gatti", and past several SD versions of the Esca girls, their dresses fly up briefly* Ispano: Oh my.... -cut to title with words "The Tale of Sir Gatti"- Dornkirk: The Tale...... of Sir Gatti. -cut to dark, stormy forest- *Gatti is seen moaning angrily, swearing about how Folken told him to go this way. He catches sight of a massive, golden drag-energist floating atop a castle roof. he approaches the castle and bangs on the door* Gatti: OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! IN THE NAME OF ZAIBACH! OPEN THE DOOR! *the door opens and Gatti enters, only to find....* Esca-girls: Hello! *the female cast of Escaflowne, led by a blonde in a pink dress* Millerna: Welcome gentle sir knight! Welcome to Castle Asturia! Gatti: The Castle Asturia?! Millerna: Yes, Well, its not a very good name is it? Gatti: It sucks. Millerna: Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, EVERY need! Gatti: Are YOU the keepers of the Holy Energist? Millerna: The what? Gatti: The Energist! It is here! Millerna: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile! Hitomi! Celena! Hitomi, Celena: Yes, Millerna? Millerna: prepare a bed for our guest! Hitomi, Celena: Thank you thank you thank you! Millerna: Away. The beds are warm and soft and very big! Gatti: Well, look, I.... Millerna: What's your name, handsome soldier? Gatti: Sir Gatti....... the Chased. Millerna: Mine is Millerna. Just plain Millerna. Come along! Gatti: Look, please, in Dornkirk's name! Show me the Energist! Millerna: You have suffered so much, You are delirious! Gatti: No, no, look! I SAW it! It's here in this- Millerna: Sir Gatti! You would not be so wicked as to refuse to our hospitality! Gatti: I....well....I....I... Millerna: (leads him through a hallway) I'm afraid our lives must be very dull and boring compared to yours, we are but 8 score young bolndes and brunettes, all between ages 13 and 19. Cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Such a lonely life. Bathing. Dressing. Undressing. Attempting to break the 13-second-barrier record in track. We're just not used to bishonen soldiers! Come come. You may lie here. *looks at him* OH! But you are wounded! Gatti: (getting sweaty) Uh... no! NO! It's nothing! Millerna: Oh, you MUST see the doctors immediately! *Gatti tries to escape again, but fails) No! No! Please! Lie down! *claps, Naria and Eriya enter* Eriya: What seems to be the problem? Gatti: THEIR doctors?! Millerna: They've... uh.... studied books like I did! Gatti: But.... Millerna: Oh, come, come! You must try and rest! Doctor Naria! Doctor Eriya! Practice your art! Eriya: Try and relax. *they try to take off his armor* Gatti: Is that necessary? Naria: We MUST examine you! Gatti: But there's nothing wrong there! Eriya: PLEASE. WE are doctors. *they start tying to remove his armor again* Gatti: NO! This cannot be! I was sworn to purity! *gets up and heads for the door* Eriya: Back to your bed at once! Gatti: TORMENT ME NO LONGER! I HAVE SEEN THE ENERGIST! Eriya: There's no Energist here. Gatti: I have seen it! I've SEEN IT! *runs away* I HAVE SEEN- *barges into a room where the girls are playing "Twister" Merle: Hello! Gatti: Uh...... *backs away* Girls: *all say "hello"* Gatti: *backs away and bumps into....* MILLERNA! Eries: No, I am Millerna's older sister, Eries. Gatti: Well, excuse me, I uh... Eries: Where are you going? Gatti: I seek the Energist! I have have seen it here! In this castle! Eries: OH NO! OH NO! Bad, BAD MILLERNA! Gatti: What is it? Eries: *leads him down the hall, the others follow* Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Millerna! She has been alight our beacon, which, I have remembered, is shaped like an energist. This is not the first time we've had this problem. Gatti: Its not the real Energist? Eries: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, DITZY Millerna! She has been a ditz lately, but now she must pay the penalty! Oh, stupid. STUPID Millerna! Oh, she is difficult. She must pay the penalty. And here, in Castle Asturia, we have but one punishment for setting alight the Energist-shaped beacon. You must tie her to a bed, stand in front of her, dress up like a sadistic military captain, and slap her! Girls: A SLAPPING! A SLAPPING! Eries: You must slap her well, as it might get that ditzy brain to function properly. And after you have done so, you may deal with her as you like. And then.......slap me! Merle: And me! Yukari: And me. Eries: Yes, yes. You must give us ALL a good slapping! Girls: A SLAPPING! A SLAPPING! There's going to be slapping tonight! Eries: And after the slapping, the-(coughs due to this being strictly PG-13) Girls: Yes! Yes! *the door behind them opens, and several Zaibach soldiers, along with Migel charge in* Gatti: Well....... I could stay..... a bit longer. Migel: *pushes through the girls* Sir Gatti! Gatti: Oh, Hello. Migel: QUICK! Gatti: What? Migel: QUICK! Gatti: Why? Migel: You are in great peril! Eries: No he's not. Migel: *points sword at her* Silence, foul temptress!!!! Gatti: You know, she's got a point. Migel: Come on, we will over your escape! Gatti: No, I'm fine! Migel: *pushes him along* Come on! Girls: Sir Gatti! Gatti: Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! Eries: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! Girls: Yeah! Let him! Migel: No, Sir Gatti. Come on! *drags him away* Gatti: No, Really! Honestly, I can! I can handle this lot easily! Eries: Oh, yes! Let him handle us easily! Girls: Yes! Let him handle us! Migel: No! Quickly! Quickly! *drags him away faster, the soldiers quickly follow* Gatti: Please! I can defeat them! There's only one-hundred-and-fifty of them! Eries: Yes! Yes! He can beat us easily! We have not a chance! Girls: Yeah! We have no chance! He'll beat us easi- *Gatti, Migel, and the soldiers escape and slam the door* Eries: Oh, shit. -cut to outside castle- *soldiers bang trashcan lids, and everyone marches in giant steps. Migel and Gatti stick up their left arms like parascopes* Migel: We were in the nick of time! You were in great peril! Gatti: I don't think I was. Migel: YES YOU WERE! You were in terrible peril! Gatti: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril! Migel: No...... it's too perilous. Gatti: Look, it's my duty as a soldier to sample as much peril as I can! Migel: No, we gotta find the Energist! Come on! Gatti: Oh, can't I have just a little bit of peril? Migel: NO, it's unhealthy. Gatti: I bet you're gay! Migel: No, I'm not. -FADE OUT- <> Dilandau <> Fanstuff <> Site <> Sign <> Contact <> a.s.c.e.n.d