how to become a werewolf
by Polar
Hoo boy, here it is! The answer that some of y'all have been waiting for :]
1. The first thing you must do is think of your body as a computer, and your brain as the hard drive.
Simple enough?
2. Now, in order to become a werewolf, you must repartition your hard drive. Right now it is running an operating system called "human". What you want to do is create a second partition on your hard drive.
3. Now that you've created the second partition, you need to install a second operating system on it. This operating system we will call "wolf", or [substitute the animal of your choice]. How do you install a new operating system to the second partition on your hard drive... er... brain? Easy. The same way you would install one on the hard drive on your computer. You must input the correct data for the operating system you desire. Input can come through any of the five serial ports which your system is equipped with.
4. You need to make sure that your partitions are set up so that when you reboot, you can choose which of the operating systems you want to boot. Otherwise your system will choose for you, which is, needless to say, probably not a good thing in certain social settings. In extreme cases it will cause your system to go "berserk" until the big red switch is pulled and the system rebooted back to "human".
5. To shift, just reboot, and choose the "wolf" [or other animal] operating system. This operating system will inevitably crash sooner or later, because it will most likely contain some instructions that your system will not be able to handle. When the "wolf" operating system does crash, your system will automatically reboot back to the "human" operating system.
How to reboot? Easy...just hit control-alt-delete. Each of you will have to figure out how to hit control-alt-delete on your particular system, as the method of doing this varies from person to person.
That's it. Simple, huh?
Some potential problems to watch out for:
* Make sure you don't erase the "human" operating system from your hard drive entirely and install only the "wolf" operating system. Lest you wind up in the computer repair shop getting treated for "lycanthropy".
* Beware of viruses which may infect your system when you repartition the hard drive and install the new operating system. The most common of these is the virus which causes the new partition to create multiple copies of itself, and to install mutant versions of the new operating system in each new partition. An example of the effects of this virus would be a hard drive on which a virus-infected copy of "wolf" was installed, which in turn created another new partition and installed a mutant version of itself called "panther", which in turn created another new partition and installed "fox", which in turn created another new partition and installed "leopard", and on and on and on. The best way to prevent your hard drive becoming infected with this virus is to use a good virus scanning program such as "polywereflushot 2.0". It should be noted that it is possible to create multiple partitions on your hard drive and install multiple operating systems, and this does not necessarily indicate viral infection; however, if the partitions appear to be continually replicating on their own, viral infection is a near certainty.
* It is highly recommended that you avoid installing any operating systems by Microsoft(tm)(R) on your system. The presence of these operating systems, which go by such names as "windoze" (rhymes with "no-doz"), will severly limit your ability to access the second partition on your hard drive, and thus, are a hindrance to your becoming a were. If you have "windoze" installed on your hard drive, get thee hence to the computer repair shop at www.linux.org immediately and have your hard drive erased and reprogrammed from scratch.
* Do not expect the "wolf" operating system to work at all in a WIMP environment (WIMP = windoze, icons, mouse, pointer). The reason for this is that the "wolf" will quickly devour the "mouse" before you can hum the first two lines of Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf". Regarding "windoze", see above. Icons are usually mistaken by the "wolf" for fire hydrants. (A fire hydrant is a special piece of hardware which contains the H2O chip inside, and the K9P chip on the outside.)
* Installing "wolf" on any computer made by Digital Equipment (henceforth known as "DEC") is not recommended either. The reason for this is that it causes a condition to occur known as "alpha wolf". This is not a virus but can lead to the spread of viruses, as the "alpha wolf" will soon attempt to "mount" the filesystems of other computers running "wolf", thus possibly passing viruses among several systems. The most severe form of this condition is known as "DECwolf" and should be avoided like the proverbial plague.
* It has been suggested in some quarters that the process of installing the new operating system can be expedited by such things as leaving your computer outside on the night of a full moon, by pouring water from a wolf's pawprint into your CD-ROM drive, or by recieving the "byte" of another system which has the "wolf" operating system already installed on it. You can rest assured that none of these will ever do diddly-squat for the installation process. Instead, installation must come through careful input of the correct data through your five serial ports. There are no shortcuts to installation.
* Finally. Despite what you may have heard, there is no such thing as an operating system which will make your computer change it's shape (yet.) There are some programmers working on that right now in certain secret laboratory experiments, but with no success to date. Your operating system can, however, change what data goes to your standard output (e.g. cause your sound card to produce howls and growls rather than words.)
From Lycanthrope.org - http://www.lycanthrope.org/index.php3?955753182
Reproduced with permision.
If you have any questions please email - Alpha@shadowwulfs.com
