How? According to the story, Erap and Ate Glo were having a discussion somewhere in Luneta Park, a year before his impeachment. Ate Glo kept insisting that Pres. Erap have no right to occupy his position until she made a deal with Erap. The deal said that Ate Glo would ask Erap five simple questions, if he makes an incorrect answer, he must step down from his position. Erap almost won the deal only if he had answered the last question correctly. Although he already lost to Ate Glo, Erap ask for a year for him to study. He promised that after that, he will answer all of Ate Glo's questions correctly. Ate Glo agreed readily, for she claims that she is "a very compassionate Catholic". Fortunately, Dexter, Erap's close engineer friend, invented a time machine, which helped Erap greatly.

First, he traveled with Dexter to 1905 to meet Albert Einstein in Germany. Erap asked for his help to teach him all the knowledge he learned as a scientist. Einstein was surprised because Erap had acquired and understood all subjects he taught him in just six months.

He already had the best knowledge in the sciences and mathematics but he still needed the literacy for many languages, in order for him to talk to any man of any nationality. So, secondly, Erap and Dexter traveled from 1905 to 1890 to learn about languages from Dr. Jose Rizal in Europe. Again, he surprised Rizal for his great ability to learn a great deal of knowledge in such a short span of time.

After gaining the best knowledge he can have, they went back to their own time to fulfill his promise to Ate Glo. Unfortunately, while waiting for Ate Glo under a coconut tree, Erap was hit by a falling coconut in the head and lose all his memories. Thus, giving him amnesia, and eventually, he did not answer Ate Glo's questions, which caused his impeachment and he can't do anything about it because of the deal. Today, Ate Glo is the current president, Erap is facing his criminal cases in court, and Dexter had his own laboratory.

SCRIPT OF "THE REAL STORY"
by Ricardo R. Caliolio, Jr.

CHARACTERS:
Narrator
Erap - a president who will soon be impeached
Ate Glo - the successor of Erap
Albert Einstein - a great scientist
Dr. Rizal - a known linguist
Dexter - a leading engineer who specializes in time travel

SCRIPT:
SCENE I
(Curtain closed.)

NARRATOR (N): Who ever said that former President Erap was nothing but a dumb, brainless leader? Maybe, on one point, you're right. However, he did become one of the best intellect history ever had…but only for 15 minutes. How? According to the story, Erap and Ate Glo were having a discussion somewhere in Luneta Park, a year before his impeachment, and the discussion went on like this:

(Curtain will slowly open, revealing the setting. Erap and Ate Glo will suddenly appear.)

ATE GLO (AG): You know, Mr. President, you are not fit for your position.
ERAP (E): Ahh, that's not true. As you all know that I'm fit. Gusto mo sparring pa tayo eh.
AG: No, no. I did not mean physically fit. What I mean, mentally.
E: Ahh, Inggit ka lang because, Ahh, I'm a president and you're not. Ahh, You know, Ate Glo, weather-weather lang yan. It's my turn to be president. You must wait for your, ahh, turn.
AG: No, I'm not envious of your position. I'm just concerned for the future of our country. Actually I can impeach you now if I like to.
E: Ahh, you know, life is like a wheel of fortune. There are ups and downs and, ahh, lefts and rights.
AG: Okay, to make things clear, I'll ask you five simple questions.
If you answer it all correctly, I will shut up, but if you will answer wrongly, I'll inject you with HIV virus and you will step down from your position.
E: Huh! Don't you know I can't acquire AIDS because I'm protected?
AG: No, and why is that so?
E: Because I always wear a condom!
AG: Enough of this nonsense. Okay, first question, what is your favorite flower?
E: Yun lang? Sisiw. Of course, ahh, my favorite flower is, ahh, chrysanthemum.
AG: Okay, now, spell it.
E: Ahh, actually, my real favorite is rose. R-O-S-E.
AG: Okay, okay. Third question, what is your favorite animal?
E: Ano ba yan? Ahh, octopus, of course!
AG: Now tell me, what is the special characteristic of an octopus?
E: Huh! You think I don't know, ahh, the answer? An octopus has eight, ahh, ahh, it's on the tip of my tongue. Ahh, aha! Now I know! An octopus has, ahh, eight TESTICLES!
AG: You're really a dumb ass! An octopus has eight TENTACLES and not TESTICLES!
E: Testicles, tentacles, it's the same. Go on, ahh, give me the last question.
AG: Okay, if you can answer this, you win. Who is Joan of Arc?
E: Wait, alam ko yan eh. Ahh, I already heard that. Ahh, ahh, aha! She is the, ahh, wife of Noah?
AG: Haha, wrong! Now, remember the deal?
E: Okay, okay. But can you give me a year to study? After that, I promise you I can answer all questions you will ask!
AG: Okay, because I am a very compassionate Catholic, just like Cardinal Sin always says, I'll give you a chance. We will see each other after a year, Mr. President. Hahaha...

(AG will exit and Dexter (D) will enter.)

N: Now, where do you think our hero will get his most wanted education? Just as Erap was thinking about this big problem, his close friend, Dexter, who is a well-known engineer for his great inventions, approaches him to give some help.
D: Mr. President, I just heard your discussion, and I think I can help you. I have the best invention, which would be helpful to you.
E: And what's that?
D: A time machine!

(A time machine will suddenly appear.)

E: Time machine? I have so many of those things. May Rolex, (time machine will be removed clock will appear) may Seiko, may...
D: (Interrupting E) No, no! What I mean is a TIME MACHINE (clock removed, time machine appear)! A vehicle which will take you to the past or to the future!
E: Ahhh! Of course I know that! Ahh, eh can it give more knowledge?
D: No, no, of course not! You will use this machine to travel back in time to search for the most intelligent persons in history like Einstein or Rizal!
E: Tama! Come on! Let's do it! I want to meet Einstein!
D: If it's Einstein you want, it's Einstein you'll have!
N: The two friends traveled to the year 1905 in Germany to meet one of their best scientists.

(The two will go behind the machine and go down. It will spin w/ sounds.)

SCENE II
(After the sounds, time machine will stop spinning and the two will get out.)

D: Welcome to the year 1905, Mr. President!
E: Ahh, where is he? Are you joking me?
D: No, no. according to my calculations, he should be walking somewhere in this park. Look there he is!

(Time machine out. Einstein (AE) will be shown walking towards them.)

E: Ahh, Mr. Einstein, I am Joseph Ejercito Estrada, President of the Philippines.
AE: (In German accent) Okay, what can I do for you?
N: So our hero told the great scientist his story and his wish to be Einstein's apprentice.
AE: But how can you learn all of my knowledge? It took me so many years to know all I needed to know and you want to study it for less than a year?
E: Don't worry Mr. Einstein, I have a "pornographic" memory.
AE: What?
D: Sir, "photographic", not "pornographic"!
E: I mean, Mr. Einstein, "photographic" memory.
AE: Alright, let's go to my house to start your very first significant education.

(All will exit while curtain is slowly closing.)

N: Because of his photographic memory, it took Erap only six months to acquire the best knowledge Einstein can give. Einstein was really surprised with Erap's abilities.

(The curtain will open revealing Erap, Dexter, and AE.)

AE: Your country should be proud for having a very talented president like you!
E: Ahh, I already know that long ago. Anyway, ahh, thank you na rin. Until we meet again, Albert!
AE: Until we meet again, Erap!

(AE will exit, time machine will appear. Erap and Dexter will board the time machine and it will again spin and w/ sound.)

N: And so, our friends, our heroes traveled a little more back in time, from 1905 Germany to 1890 Europe to meet our own national hero, Dr. Rizal, to learn more languages so he can speak to anyone, whatever nationality.

SCENE III
E: Ahh, where are we now?
D: We are now in 1890 Europe for you to meet Dr. Rizal, our national hero.
E: For what?
D: So that you will learn more than one language!
E: Tama, I already have the best knowledge in Science and Mathematics! All I need now is the knowledge in languages!
D: Here he comes now. Come on, introduce yourself.
E: Ahh, excuse me, Dr. Rizal, I am Mr. Estrada, a Filipino and, ahh, the President of the Philippines.
RIZAL (R): President of the Philippines? What do you mean? Are we already independent?

N: As you all know, during the time of Rizal, the Philippines was under the rule of Spain, that's the reason he was surprised when he heard that Erap is the current president of the Philippines. With the help of Dexter, they explained to him what happened which made Rizal happy knowing that his works will be the start of the Philippine Revolution. They also explained to him their plan, Rizal, being a helpful man by nature, readily agreed.

R: Do you already know some basics?
E: Ahh, yes, for instance, I know that a pronoun is, ahh, ahh, alam ko yon eh. A pronoun is a, ayun tama, a pronoun is not an anti-noun, it is a PRO-noun!
R: Tsk, tsk, You really need some education. Do you know how to use the dictionary?
E: Of course! What do you think of me, dumb?
R: No, no. How about the thesaurus?
E: Ahh, di ba, thesaurus is a dinosaur?
R: Tsk, tsk, you really, really need to study philology...
E: What? I'm going to study GRANDFATHERS?
R: No, no. What I mean is the study of language like English, German, Italian...
E: Tama, I like to study Italian because, as you all know, I know so many Italian composers.
R: Like who?
E: Like ahh, ahh, ahh, yes, like Fettuccini, Versacé, and Girbaud!
R: Come, come to my place. You need a great deal of knowledge.

(All will exit. Curtain will close.)

N: Again, because of Erap's photographic memory, he learned every language Rizal knows in only six months and he impressed our national hero.

(Curtain will open.)

R: Our country should be proud of you! You are the best example of a great leader!
E: I already know that. Only that, ahh, my colleagues don't believe me.
R: You can now show everyone you are the best for your position.
E: Ahh, tama, thank you for everything. I need to, ahh, go now. I have an appointment with Ate Glo.
R: Until we meet again, Mr. President.

(Both again will board the machine.)

N: And so our heroes went back to their time to meet Ate Glo.

SCENE IV
(A large coconut tree will be shown beside the machine. Both will get out of the machine.)

D: Alright, Mr. President, you had the best knowledge you can have. Now, you can answer everything Ate Glo will ask you!
E: Tama! I can answer everything she will ask me now! Hahaha... Argh!

(A coconut will fall from the tree and will hit Erap's head.)

D: Mr. President! Mr. President! Are you alright?
E: Uhhn, ahh, who am I?
D: NYEEE!

N: Unfortunately, after receiving the best education he can have, Erap had amnesia after being hit by a coconut. Eventually, he did not answer Ate Glo's questions, which caused his impeachment and he can't do anything about it because of the deal. Today, Ate Glo is the current president, Erap is facing his criminal cases in court, and Dexter had his own laboratory.

THE END