Thanks, Lili!
That which does not kill us just makes us moist.
Posted on October 16, 2002

Maybe it's just the optimist that I keep buried in the basement of my psyche, but I can't help but think of the old adage "There's a silver lining to every cloud." I'm pretty sure that I can pour a whole set of family heirlooms out of all the clouds I have seen in the wake of Lili.

See, although Lili destroyed things, she made some improvements. If you don't believe me, or you think I am an insensitive ass clown, just read on. I have put together a list of the cons of Lili's pros. And, apology accepted.

PRO: People always complain about all the unsightly billboards in this town. There's a lot fewer billboards now.

CON: Some of those billboards wound up in people's houses, yards or cars. And those that survived the storm are ripped up even uglier than before.

PRO: With so many homes without electricity, a lot less people were able to tune into that farce of a football game between University of Louisiana at Lafayette and Louisiana State University. (Who were the ad wizards that thought that one up? Better yet, is our academic program so poor that we can't count the number of players on the field?)

CON: With so many homes without electricity, a lot more folks had an excuse to attend the game. And with people stockpiling batteries, a lot probably caught the game.

PRO: There had to be some men forced to ask for directions because of missing road signs. Plus, I always wondered what a backward stop sign looked like.

CON: Even with directions, some places could not be found because they are just not there anymore.

PRO: That Raising Cane's billboard - the one that tempts me into getting a box of love and calories while I am out jogging - was missing for about a week.

CON: Raising Cane's took no damage and was there every day to taunt me.

PRO: With all the downed trees, there's a lot less to be "removed" for "development."

CON: Instead of those trees being "removed" for Walgreens and other important stuff, they had to be removed from people's living rooms and vehicles.

PRO: We have a fun new skylight and wading pool in our old office building.

CON: Surgeon General says it's hazardous to breathe and we must evacuate. I write you now from the creativity-inspiring atmosphere of one room jam-packed with all your Times-staffer favorites. Our next stop? Who knows? Say, you wouldn't want to give a few ribald journalists a good home, would you? After all, most of us are housebroken.

PRO: Movers were sent to remove furniture and necessities from the mold-soaked hovel that is our old office.

CON: All of my office and our complete archives were left behind in favor of removing crates of the integral Who's Your Mama? cookbook.

PRO: I took a drive to Erath and hit nary a red light on the way.

CON: It's lots of fun to cross a busy intersection without the use of red lights, especially when everybody respects the four-way stop rules (read: sarcasm).

PRO: With all the power off, scores of people went out to eat, especially at the Abbeville Taco Bell - surely a shot in the arm for local restaurateurs after the day of business they missed.

CON: People in Abbeville had little choice but to eat Taco Bell.

PRO: I was paid for two days of work that I actually spent at my parents' house in Kentwood.

CON: I had one day to slap together all my work for the Oct. 9 issue. I apologize for my performance; surely I can do better.

PRO: The rainwater helped wash the duck weed out of my parents' pond, something that the DEQ has refused to do for more than a year now.

CON: The rainwater nearly washed Montegut and Mandeville off the map, something that hurricanes have been trying to do for years now.

PRO: Our plight was well covered via the national news.

CON: The national news had to run the footage of the dumbasses in Franklin who propped themselves against the wind during the peak of the storm.

PRO: I actually caught coverage of the storm by the local news all the way in Kentwood.

CON: I actually caught coverage of the storm by the local news all the way in Kentwood.