Below is a list of what "CATS" would have to do to more accurately portray the true essence of cats.
* The antagonist in the show would be a giant vacuum cleaner.
* Sometimes the cast would perform, but sometimes not -- depending on their mood.
* Performers would leap off the stage and run up the aisles at the recorded sound of a can opener in the lobby.
* When certain audience members opened their playbills, a cast member would attempt to lay down on it.
* In the middle of a performance various cast members would curl up and go to sleep, even during songs.
* For no apparent reason, cast members would randomly run to the lobby, and then back to the stage at top speed. They would then continue as if nothing had happened.
* A special audience member would find a headless mouse in his/her seat after the intermission.
* Snack bar employees would constantly be reprimanding cast members for walking on the counter.
* If you went to the bathroom, you'd have to be careful -- in case one of the cast was drinking from the bowl.
* Part of the performance would include the cast climbing and shredding the theatre curtains.
* The stage would be stained from someone coughing up a hairball.
* The show would need to be stopped several times to allow cast members to "wash".
* Most of the final act would consist of the cast just sitting and staring at the audience.
* The big finale would feature a giant ball of yarn, feathers on a pole, and a few milk bottle tops
* Theatre patrons waiting outside the stage door after performances would get their legs rubbed, if they were lucky.
* Cast members would never cash their paychecks, they would have them rolled into balls and just play with them.
