A Battle Royal I

Hmm yes, it was a cold dark evening the first of my battles occurred. Against a well known and respected opponent no less. Commando, a priest of Hat. Aye, a fine warrior priest. A guardian of his deity. I expected a challenging duel.

We agreed on a location, Ohulan Cutash, a small town situated in the Ramtops near my own regular training area, the Gloomy Forest. I thought of my fighting there, and remembered many occasions I had been poisoned, almost fatally. It was then a thought struck me. Poison, yes. Could the warrior priest be felled by poison? I expected him to be layered in armour and protected by powerful shields granted by Hat. My blowpipe would be useless to me. I sat for a while, pondering. Ah yes! Maybe I could make him poison himself? Reaching into my pack I grabbed a small turquoise vial and two of my precious purple phials. I grinned as I emptied the contents of the phials into the vial. Not enough to kill the priest, but maybe enough to cripple him. Closing the vial, I slipped it to my pouch and wandered back to Ohulan Cutash to prepare myself.

En route to the small town, I bumped into Kempo by chance. A well-known wizard of renowned skill, I pondered if I could use his skills to aid me in my forthcoming battle.

"Aye, ai can help thee. Enchant your weapons I can for a fee." he rasped.

A little poetic and very disconcerting. He was quite surely mad. A small pouch of foul smelling weeds hanging from his belt proclaimed he was not quite on the same plane as myself. I passed him my Retribution, a powerful mace imbued with the power of the gods themselves. Kempo ensured me he could enchant the weapon magically to increase its already fearsome power. I agreed.

The wizard spent a good busy hour preparing my weapon, and I thanked him for his time with a small pouch of Ankh-Morpork royals. He seemed happy with the payment, although I couldn't tell much under the hood he wore. I continued on my way.

I arrived in the centre of Ohulan Cutash. A very busy marketplace greeted me as I slipped in. I felt confident, I had an array of magically enchanted weaponry, two powerful rods of faith provided by a priest and my poison filled vial. What more could I need? What more could I possibly use?

Whilst waiting in the shadows for my opponent, a huge party appeared as if from nowhere! I was a little worried at first, then I realised Commando had arrived, granted a favour by his gods to provide easy passage to our fighting location.

I slipped out of my hiding spot and sauntered up to Commando. A giant of a man, surely he had been a warrior to begin with before he found his god, and with the finding of a god comes great power. I began to scan his inventory for things that I might need to acquire during the fight. As I eyed him over, I recalled a brief conversation with a mad priest, who preached he could provide mighty wards against all those who would try and steal his belongings! Could Commando have the very same power?! I decided to not risk stealing from him, although skilled, I wasn't sure how these rituals worked.

"Are you ready for the gods wrath, young thief?" sneered Commando.

I smiled quietly and palmed some powder from a hidden pouch.

"Yes, O warrior priest, I have prepared myself."

"Prepare to receive thy...!" he screamed.

I quickly threw the contents of my hand in his face, an irritant to the eyes. He screamed in frustration and I slipped towards the eastern side of the market to prepare a few small tricks. I called upon a favour from Gufnork to provide myself with a great whirlwind of protection! It appeared in seconds! Only the gods had such power! I remained hiding and hoped the whirlwind of dust would draw him to my location.

From my hiding spot I watched as Commando, and the small audience that followed him, ran around the market looking for me. How long would it be before he found my whirlwind? I moved into a more suitable location for setting an ambush up. Commando found the whirlwind and knew I must be close by. I leapt out of my hiding spot, his death the only thing on my calm mind! 

"Ah ha!" he cackled. He had spotted me as I clumsily tripped over a rock and revealed myself. Then, to my utter amazement and annoyance, my whirlwind, granted by Gufnork himself spoke!

"I have no intewetht in hawming you, thiw." I blinked, sudden clarity hit my mind. Gufnork would not harm Hat? What an advantage he had! I could not use his own power against him! I quickly dodged his attacks and slipped away into the night. Finding another hiding spot I began to rethink my strategy. From the other side of the market, Commando was laughing manically and praising his god. No doubt drawing more protection.

I moved into another ambushing position and asked my god for another whirlwind as bait. Gufnork granted my request and another whirlwind appeared as if from nowhere. I waited silently for Commando, my magically enchanted daggers at the ready.

"Where are you O thief?" screamed Commando, a slight sound of madness present.

I whistled quietly to get his attention. He came, I leapt out and he spotted me again! How perceptive is this man?! He did not attack me however, he quickly chanted some words of praise and my eyesight was gone! I could not see! I panicked and fled across the marketplace and fumbled around for a hiding spot. I sat there waiting for some time, Commando was immensely busy searching around for me, but my shadow was too deep.

When my vision returned, I could see Commando laughing to himself. I could also see two of those mighty whirlwinds! How could I possibly get past those giants of protection? I sneaked away quietly, no longer would I try the whirlwinds. I felt betrayed by Gufnork and would ask why in my prayers later.

From my central location, I could see Commando. Suddenly his two protective whirlwinds spoke to him and vanished! I saw my chance! I held my newly enchanted Retribution and ran charging towards the hattian priest! Before I was even close he had yet another whirlwind protecting him! I attacked Commando and had to kill the whirlwind before I could even dream of wounding Commando! I dodged, ducked, dived and weaved as I avoided Commando's short swords and dealt the whirlwind a fatal blow before making my escape. I drank some herbal tea to heal my wounds and pondered my next move. The vial! I quietly fumbled around and pulled the vial from a pouch. Grinning to myself I sneaked towards Commando and planted the poison vial among his own healing vials, hoping he would mistakenly drink its deadly contents. 

"Ha! Stupid thief! Did you not think I would see you?!"

Muttering to myself, I watched him sort through the vials until he slipped my poison filled one to a bag. My plan was in tatters. I would once again have to look to Gufnork for assistance. I palmed a black wooden rod from my backpack and grinned quietly. I would use this powerful artefact to trap Commando within a sphere! Then when he smashed his way out, he'd be unprepared for my ambush! I held the rod and sneaked up to Commando and chanted praise to Gufnork to provide the sphere! Commando heard me and began his own chanting! I fumbled my artefact but the ritual was complete! I had trapped Commando in a small translucent sphere! I quickly set to work, re-holding my daggers I found a dark spot nearby and waited, on the edge of my nerves. My well-trained muscles twitched to keep them supplied with fresh blood.

"Bwaaahahaha!" screamed Commando as he smashed the sphere. "You cannot contain the power of Hat!"

I grinned and leapt out, this time I was sure. I rained blows down on Commando, stabbing him relentlessly with my daggers. He screamed in pain as I switched to my Retribution. His face, pale from the loss of blood, looked at me as I brought my fearsome mace around in an irresistible arc. I caught him full on the side of the head with the mace; a huge crack almost deafened me as his head exploded in a shower of blood and bone while an unearthly bolt of energy flew from the mace and engulfed his body. The lifeless body stood for second, and then slumped to the floor draining its lifeblood onto the cobbles.

"Hat, maybe not" I whispered. "But *you* are not a god."

I dropped to one knee, weakened, blood trickling from several minor wounds. I rested for a while and quickly patched the wounds up with clean cloth. I packed my weapons and began the walk back to my guild in Mat Stoat where I would recuperate for some days.

"Oh! I almost forgot"

I reached down and pulled a bag from the corpse.

BANG!

I screamed in agony! I dropped the bag in shock and fell to the floor, paralysed by the pain. I lay there still for a good time, drinking magical healing potions and asking my god for healing. So this was the power of the ward the old madman had mentioned? I muttered and picked the bag up carefully; its power seemed to have been wholly released. I grinned and pulled the poison vial from the bag. I will try this again maybe I thought. It almost worked. Smiling to myself I dropped the bag, its contents useless, and set off for Mad Stoat.

And so was the battle between Commando, the priest of Hat, and Cold, the thief of Mad Stoat.