Playfully Speaking

Girls just love to flirt don't they? And
cyberspace has opened up a whole new world
(literally) for us.

The following are a few tips to help you on your
way to successful cyber flirting.

WHO ARE YOU?
On the net, we can be anybody we want to be and
it's all too easy to fall into a habit of being
somebody we're not. If your intention is a quick
flirt with somebody you'll never speak to again,
what the heck. But what happens if you meet
somebody, and find that you generally feel
attracted to him as a person? Do you tell him
what you're really like, even though you've spun
a yarn long enough to knit a jumper from? If
there's going to be any chance of a relationship,
you're going to have to. It might well have been
easier to have stuck to the truth to start with.

THE TRUTH
OK, so you've decided to not put on too much of
a false face on the net, but how much of the
truth should you tell? Remember that people with
a bit of net know-how can find out quite a bit
about you. One of the easiest things to find out
is which Internet Provider you log onto the net
through. A give-away if you've said you live in
Ontario and you log on through Freeserve UK. But
while it's OK to say that you're in the UK, it's
not a good idea to say which town. Your first
name is fine, don't give out your surname. Just
as you can pretend to be whoever you want to be,
so can everybody else. Do you really know who
you're talking to and what their intentions are?
Don't make it easy to be found.

SO WHO IS HE?
Right, you've got as far as finding yourself
attracted to a guy on the net. But do you really
know anything about him? He's said he's 39,
divorced, has 2 kids, is tall, blond and enjoys
driving fast cars and going to the theatre. How
can you know for sure that he's not 46, married,
2 kids, 5'4", drives a Ford Fiesta and spends
most of his time either in front of the PC or
down the local watering hole with his mates? ASK!
"Oh yeah," you may well think "he's likely to say
"yes Sally, I've been lying to you all along". Of
course he isn't. It's a matter of asking the
right questions. Here's a few you could try on
the bloke described here.

• What do you generally do at weekends?
Shouldn't there be some mention of domestic
chores if he lives alone? Does he ever go to the
supermarket like any other single person would
have to? When does he do his laundry?
• How much does it cost to have a car like yours
serviced?
Does he really know? If he says he does all the
servicing himself, has he ever mentioned working
on the car before when you've asked him what he's
been up to? A man who can run a car like that is
unlikely to get himself covered in grease unless
tinkering with cars is his hobby.
• What d'ya think of glam rock then?
Swot up on what was happening in the mid-70's.
If he's the age he says he is, he was living
through glam rock as a teenager, and therefore
his opinion should reflect the fact that he was a
youth at the time.

Obviously, these questions won't work for
everyone. You have to be imaginative and find the
right questions to suit the person and what he's
told you. But whatever you do, DON'T BE GULLIBLE.
Sometimes when we're infatuated by a bloke, we'll
push aside ideas that they are lying simply
because we want to believe them. It's daft, and
many a fine woman has burnt herself in this way
before. Listen to your inner voice. If something
doesn't seem right, try to find out why.

WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?
Getting to know men on the net seems to be a lot
easier than in the "real world". Chat rooms are
brimming over with them, and more often than not,
when you log on with a female name, they'll be
all over you. Be wary of those who want to go
into private chat with you as soon as you come
on. What do they want to talk about that can't be
said in an open chat room? Signing up for e-
friends can also give results. You probably won't
meet as many men that way, but the one's you do
meet might well be more sincere because they
actually have to take the trouble to contact you,
and write a "letter" first. They probably
wouldn't bother if they were just out for a quick
flirt. However, if you're specifically looking
for a romantic relationship, then contact sites
are probably a better alternative as they're
specifically designed for this. As with email,
sign up yourself, and let them contact you. If
you're not interested in just writing steamy
mails, then you'd better make that clear in your
ad or you'll find your mailbox more popular that
you want.

GOING ALL THE WAY
It's a bit of a joke really, to say that you can
go all the way in Cyberspace, but the general
meaning is that if your words bring him off, then
you've gone all the way with him. Do you want to?
If you find it exciting and a quick thrill is all
you want, fine, but on the net as in real life,
blokes who are looking for a relationship don't
really want an easy lay. You may not think that
writing about sex is being cheap, but when there
isn't really any way to go further. You've given
him what he CAN get, and that can well mean the
same to him as opening your legs. If you do
decide to go all the way, remember that with only
words to seduce with, you'll have to work at
remaining erotic, rather than pornographic, if
you don't want to come across as cheap. There's a
world of difference in the following:

-      I can almost feel how it would be to have
your hands, trembling slightly with excitement,
slide across my naked breast, gently brushing at
my stiffening nipple and it passes, my body
aching for more. I can feel your hot breath
against my skin, I know that you want me.

-      Imagine squeezing my big round tits,
pulling at my rock hard nipples while you're
throbbing cock is pushed against me, just waiting
for the chance to thrust your...... (and the rest
is up to your imagination ladies).

You see the difference though don't you? Your
choice of words sets the mood, and if you want a
guy who's sensual and respondent to your needs,
that's the mood you'll need to set.

THE ART OF EROTICA
Because there is no body language, and, of
course, no body contact, your words must paint
pictures for him. Give them something "visual" to
focus on. A women is most likely to want
descriptions of sensations, but men, who are
visual creatures (that's why more men turn on to
pornography than women), want descriptions of
actions. Bring his senses to life. Sight, sound
and touch are all important. Describe actions
which involve these. Here's another example:

"I slowly unbutton my silk blouse, allowing you
a glimpse of one tight, pink nipple. I can feel
your throbbing desire as I push my body closer to
you, my hands caressing your shoulders and neck,
looking deep into your eyes. I slowly lick my
lips before whispering, "Touch me". Your hand
eagerly finds it's way under the smooth material,
gently squeezing my heaving breast, one finger
teasing my nipple. I want your taut, hard body
close to me."

This example plays on the senses. The sight on a
tight nipple, the feel of your hands caressing
him, the sound of your voice, and the feel of
your breast. And, equally as important, you're
telling him how much you want him.

But just as in "real life", one person's ideas
of good sex, may be a turnoff for another. Try to
get an idea of what he likes before you go in too
far. You may not even be compatible.

MEETING HIM
Going back to where we started, ask yourself if
you really want to meet this man? You may feel
tingling in your stomach (or anywhere else for
that matter) at the thought of chatting with him
on the net, but what you have is little more than
a fantasy. You've created part of this guy in
your imagination. No matter how much you tell
yourself that you know him - YOU DON'T! You know
nothing at all about all those little mannerisms
of his, some of which may prove to be bloody
annoying. Do you like guys who are very graphic
when they talk, waving their arms about and
leaping out of the sofa to act it out? Or do you
prefer a man who remains cool and controlled in
all situations? Does it annoy you if a guy sniffs
a lot? Or is constantly wiping the back of his
hand across his mouth? Or picks his toenails in
the living room? How much do you really know
about him? If you want to meet him, by all means
go ahead, but you must be willing to loose what
you've got, and perhaps gain nothing.

SECURITY
One last note. Don't trust anybody you don't
know well. If you do decide to meet him, follow
these guidelines:

• Meet during the day in a public place.
• Tell a friend or family member where you are
going and who you are going to meet. Let them
know what time you expect to be back and make
sure that you are.
• Don't give him your home address before
meeting him. If he asks to write you "real"
letters, find an accommodation address.

There are a lot of nice blokes out there, but
there are at least as many creeps! It's just like
the "real world". Good Luck!


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Sharon Jacobsen is editor/owner of WeWomen.co.uk
 (http://www.wewomen.co.uk), a portal and community
for women in the UK, offering a web directory,
articles, ecards, discussion, jokes, poetry, and
lots more. Contact Sharon on sharon@wewomen.co.uk.