Anti-Gods

[ The following consists of dialog between Atheist #1 (A1) and Cop (C), etc. The scene begins as A1 has gone through a red stoplight 20 mph over the speed limit having nearly missed an intersecting cop car, followed by the flashing red-and-blue squad car lights then flashing in back of A1's car, A1 pulling over to the side of the road, the cop having walked to A1's vehicle window as A1 rolls down his window ]

C: You went through a red stoplight at 18 mph over the posted speed limit, nearly hitting my squad car. Let me see your Driver's License!

A1: It was TWENTY mph over the speed limit, birdbrain. Why the duce are you violating separation of church and state pertaining to my religious atheistic irreligion by interfering with my private life? Keep your laws off my body. Quit harassing me. Buzz off.

C: Get outa the car and put your hands behind your back so I can slap the cuffs on you!

[As the cuffs are slapped on and the police officer strongarms A1 into the no-inside-exit back of the squad car]

Since you showed me no Driver's License when I asked for it, you were driving without a license - carrying a mandatory misdemeanor fine of $700. Speeding will cost you an additional $120. Running a red stoplight constitutes reckless vehicular operation: another $150. Obstructing justice by disobeying a peace officer is another misdemeanor. Your car is now illegally parked on a highway, has been ticketed, and will be towed to whatever location.....at your expense. You will be held in jail when we get there, at which time you will be given access to an attorney.

ATTORNEY [visiting A1 in jail]: Boy, did you ever screw up. Your boss called and said you were fired because you did not show up for work. You are out of a job, with no money to pay your bills. Your cellphone company deadened your phone line because you did not pay your bill on time. The gas company and electric company cut your gas and power for the same cause. The city has shut off your water and sewer and put a lien on your house for the same cause. Your credit card company just charged you an overtime fee for not paying your bill on time, and penalty interest is accruing. Your wife is filing for divorce because of your desertion of you not being there and taking care of the kids. Your mortgage company just foreclosed on your house for not making your mortgage payment on time. The mafia loan sharks at the casino have a contract out against you for not paying up. You are toast.

A1: Keep your religious laws off my body, lamebrain.

JAILER [to A1]: The President has just designated you an enemy-combatant anti-homeland terrorist. You will be executed by lethal injection tomorrow morning at sunrise, with no appeal nor probation nor parole possible.

[The next dialog is between Kerryites (K) and Bushites (B)]

B: Thank God for a beautiful day!

K: We do not believe in God, because we are atheists.

B: Why did you even mention the name "God" if you do not believe God exists? Why presume the existence of one at all whom you do not believe exists in the first place? Where did you get the idea that God exists since you don't believe he exists at all in the first place? How can you imagine there actually is someone who you say does not exist in the first place? You are being illogical.

K: YOU say God exists.

B: Leave us out of this. Who we say we believe or don't believe in does not concern you - it is irrelevant to this discussion.
But there you go again, saying the word "God." How can you presume that there is actually any Entity to call "God" being you say that you do not believe "God" exists? You are still being insanely illogical.

K: We are yippie-skippy gay that we are free away from religion.

B: You have not yet answered my question about your reference to "God." And we Christians will take back The Rainbow which God initially gave to righteous Noah and Associates.

K: We are diverting that question we cannot answer, and do not want to answer. We are attempting to quickly and arrogantly sidetrack the discussion off on a tangent, as irreligious heretics frequently do. Suggesting religion irritates us. Do not mention it anymore.

B: We will mention it all we want. You keep from suppressing our constitutional nonprohibition of religious expression. Everything in nature we see around us reminds us of the Creator God.

K: Stop.

B: Your God-given tiring bodies you mis-claim as your own, requiring sleep tonight and your God-given biological clock making you awake at God's sunrise reminds us of God.

K: Stop.

B: God's protective atmosphere burning up meteors before they smash your houses to smithereens, His ionosphere sheltering you against harmful cosmic radiation, God's consistent provision of gravity for you keeping you from spinning off the Earth, His comfortable 70 degree surface temperature neither freezing nor roasting you, His nucleonic stability of the floor you stand as you get out of bed and the stability of His roof materials over your head keeping His ceiling from falling down on you as you go to His bathroom reminds me of God the Creator, as does your physiological need to breathe God's air, urinate and defecate because of eating God's food, His (and not your) gasoline in His (and not your) steel car riding on His (and not your) concrete roads reminds me of God the Creator.

K: Stop. Stop.

B: You can't make us stop.

K: We will BB-gun your eyes, eardrums, and throat unless you stop.

B: We will shoot you with our 357 magnums.

K: We will blow you away with our double-barrelled 12-gauge shotguns.

B: Money is power. Our piggybank is fatter than your investments portfolio.

K: Our activist federal judges are more diabolical than your pro-bono defense lawyers.

B: WHY stop? As complexities-minded details-loving creation scientists having copiously observed and ready to amply describe natural phenomena, we have only just begun. Ready for a couple hours of interdependent-relationships dissertations?

K: STOP....because in our loveless fool impatience we do not like to hear all that!.

B: Why don't you like to hear that? Has God ever caused you a problem, or instead have you yourself or others like you caused you a problem?

K: We did not ask to be born. We were born into what we did not want to be born into. We blame God for that. He is also at fault for giving us a free will to defy Him.

B: Tough. Now that you have been born into it, you are stuck with it. Why not accomodate to God and nature, instead of disdaining it? Get with the program. Get a life. Lighten up.

K: We will not accomodate to God or anything God has created. Everything sucks.

B: You are destined to burn in Hell forever in your crazy and non-sensical attempt to escape from God and every good and benevolent thing He has created for you, for us, for everyone.

K: Having absurdly convinced ourselves of the dishonest lie that there is no afterlife, we do not necessarily believe in a mythological hell, but if then since there is a real Hell, it sure would be nice to burn in Hellfire to the ages of the ages, because then we will get away from everything that reminds us of God, and will fully express our damned contempt to the max in the outer-darkness tormenting flames of eternal outer-darkness punishment. We are all that counts, and we are the only ones who matter, and only what we want is important. We are our OWN bosses. Everything other than our defiant wills is superfluous. Us. Us. Us. Ourselves alone. All by ourselves. No one else. We are It.

B: You hate God that much?

K: Him and His and all He has imposed on us. The sooner we all annihilate ourselves with The Big Bang, the better.

B: Praise God.