Objective as a Crappy British Tabloid

After the first time I heard this album earlier this year, I put it on again, and then a few more times after that. That very rarely happens with me, especially for what is in essence an alt-country album with a fairly typical indie frontman.

So what is it about this album?

That's what I'm trying to figure out right now as I listen to this album, which has seemingly fallen off the face of my world after overplaying it at the beginning of the year.

For one, it doesn't seem as bloated as Bright Eyes' other work. Oberst voice isn't in his over the top squeal mode really at all in this album, and is fairly pleasant.

All in all, I guess it's just comforting music. It's nicely composed in general, though none of the music is at all profound. Thats it! That's the problem I have with this damn kid! I think he almost always just tries to be too bloody profound! He can never pull it off, and instead wastes my time with bloatedtothepointofbursting- ohhowiwishthatithad albums such as Lifted (Or The Story Is In The nfd fdsasjiofasfdhnn fdajiasfdji SHUT THE HELL UP CONOR). Instead, he decided to shear off a few layers of fat for this album.

The music is especially good for Another Travelin' Song, a jolly country stomp that fits in notatall with the rest of the album. The rest of the music is fairly plain (though very suitable) guitar based folk.

I always feel like if I paid really good attention to the lyrics, and thought about them for a minute, and tried to somehow connect the first and last lines of a song, I would just want to punch Mr Oberst and tell him to get to the point. Instead though, I listen to them, pay enough attention to them that I'm pretty impressed by his writing, and not enough that I get pissed off at him, and go on feeling like the writing on this album is pretty damn swell.

While I'm talking about his writing on this album, I'm going to take this opportunity to bitch a bit about the intro to this album. It's a spoken story about a woman flying somewhere and the plane fails, and while they're falling, a random guy tells her its her birthday party. He then goes on to call her darling and that he loves her.

Now, what the hell has just happened? If I was about to die because a plane failed, I'd be worrying about finding a parachute or Mary Poppins' umbrella and not about sharing a birthday cake with this happy little bastard.

God.

My favorite song on this album is and always has been Landlocked Blues. His vocals on it are great, and the shakiness in his voice (which annoys me more every time I hear it (there was a time when I loved it)) is more subdued than usual. The lyrics are very powerful, and are complemented by the minimalism of the music. When the trumpet comes in after 4 and a half minutes of barely-there guitar, it is the best moment of the album.

The only weak moment of the album comes on the final track, Road To Joy, which is a fairly unclever rip-off of Ode To Joy. It's not that bad a track, and lyrically it's quite good. Setting it to the tune of Ode To Joy is just going back to the old Bright Eyes bloat and is entirely unnecessary.

And for that matter, I'm a bit surprised he didn't end the album with a song titled "My Eyes Are Closed It's Sunset".

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Bright Eyes – Lifted, or The Story Is In The Soil Keep Your Ear To The Ground 6/10

They say that muscle weighs more than fat, and if Oberst would just realize this, his music might be a bit more impressive. As it is though, this album lives with about as much excess as Courtney Love and accomplishes just about the same amount as Axl Rose.

Theres something that inevitably happens to every double album that is ever released... everybody says "well, its pretty good, but it would have been one of the best albums ever if it were one cd. Very little of that actually applies to this album - it is only one (very long) cd, and even if it were cut down by 20 minutes or so, it still wouldn't even be close to being one of the best albums ever. But it would probably be pretty good. Even when he does 4 minute tracks (only 3 songs fall under that mark), Bright Eyes tends to be a bit meandering and dull. Theres only a certain amount of time that a very simple few acoustic chords (and a few fairly unimpressive strings and other instruments, for this album) can be repeated for before it just gets boring, no matter what the lyrics are. The opening track, The Big Picture (at 9 minutes) is mostly garbage. Surprisingly, the longest song on the album (Let's Not Shit Ourselves, at 10 minutes long) is one of the best Bright Eyes songs ever. False Advertising sounds like it could easily have been done by Paul Anka, with the excruciatingly bland and cheesy strings (hah! cheese strings!) which I only allow for Doo-Wop. And when on that song he says "now all anyone's listening for are the mistakes" immediatly followed by a woman in the horn section screwing up, after which all the music stops, Conor says "its ok" and they all start playing again, I want to slap him for being such an obnoxious prick. For one thing, thats a pretty juvenile stunt (though elsewhere on the album, Conor says that he shouldn't be treated like a child since he's much less than that), and for another... why the hell would you put that in the middle of the song. Completely unnecessary.

On 'You Will- You? Will- You? Will- You? Will-' (what is this title accomplishing?) he sounds like he's singing across the room from the microphone in a place with terrible acoustics. And I assume that's the idea, but it doesn't help the song at all for me.

I've always enjoyed 'Lover I Don't Have To Love'. It's quite a bit different from anything else the guy has done, and is likely the most commercially appealing as well. I'm still a sucker for it though, especially the quiet part around the 3 minute mark.

'Bowl of Oranges' is a really pleasant tune, and is perhaps the second best song on the album. That may be partially by default.. the other great songs, such as Waste of Paint, are too long, and generally the songs that are the right length just aren't good. The climax of 'Don't Know When But I Know A Day Is Gonna Come' sounds like it could be in the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, and his vocals in the song are also overemotional as his voice waivers out of control towards the end.

All in all, this album is a bit too overdramatic, whether that be because of his over-the-top vocals, the ridiculous and overused rolling drums (Are you going to war Conor? Are you in a marching band Conor? Then don't use those drums.) or the rest of the cheesy and badly composed orchestra. There are definite bright spots, but even those are tarnished by this brat's broadway dreams.

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Desaparecidos - Read Music Speak Spanish 2/10

I hear tell that there are some great lyrics in this album, and from the songs that I've noticed the lyrics on, thats pretty true. But the music and vocals are just so damn brutal that I'm not going to stick around long enough to make sure.

Musically, this could easily be mistaken for Confessional Charlotte, Jimmy Saves The Day, or New Found Dashboard. Or Oberst's band from when he was 14, Commander Venus.

What I'm trying to say here is that the music is boring, lame and forgetable.

Luckily, so do Obersts vocals, so there's nothing to worry about as far as liking one aspect of the album and not liking another.

See, when Oberst puts himself into a louder, more distorted setting, well, his voice kind of goes a bit haywire. It gets obnoxiously screechy and his voice's shakiness turnes into a bit of a bleat that makes me think of a herd of sheep being chased by a bunch of wolves or something. And it becomes clear that he has to try really hard to keep that shake in his voice when he screams. Its stunningly annoying. Songs like Greater Omaha make me notice his voice in the same kind of way that I notice Cher's voice in Life After Love.

Mercifully, this album is only 9 tracks. I would probably have stopped listening to music altogether if I'd paid the $25 that I always see it for.

There is one song that is exempt from this little insult frenzy, and that is 'The Happiest Place on Earth', a song about how shitty a place America can be to live. The only song with fairly interesting music, great lyrics, and vocals that aren't infuriating, it's the one that made me hope that Desaparecidos was actually a good band.

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Black Eyed Peas - Elephunk 6.5/10

I always feel like I just shouldn't like this album. That my good taste should prevail, and just dismiss them. And it never does. I always find myself enjoying this album at least a little bit.

Its just so damn catchy! The beats are good, the rapping is generally good... its just painless, fun music. I realize that by saying that I may as well be listening to the Hanson brothers or something, but...

Shit this song is bad... Anxiety. "ANXIETY! Sane and the insane rivalry/paranoias brought me to my knees/lord please please please/take away my anxiety."

That song, featuring Papa Roach (didn't he cut himself into pieces in 1999?) effectively says... "Hi, my name is Will.I.Am and I'm in a decent hip hop group, though recently I've had aspirations of becoming bed buddies with Fred Durst."

Anyhow, back to the story at hand. These guys go against the usual trend that I either don't like what gets played on the radio, and if I do, I'll usually like non-radio tracks better (if for no other reason then that I'm sick of using the radio tracks over and over). With these guys, my 5 or so favorite tracks are likely the ones that I've heard most on the radio... Let's Get Retarded, Labor Day, Hey Mama, Where Is The Love, Hands Up, Smells Like Funk.

As for the addition of Fergie to the lineup - I like her when she's in a background role - her voice adds nice texture to the group. When she's really prominent in a song (Fly Away, Shut Up) I feel like I might as well be listening to Destiny's Child. She has a great voice, but I really don't like her voice front and center with the Peas.

Besides Anxiety, Fly Away and Shut Up, there are a couple more duds on this album. I get nothing at all out of Latin Girls and Sexy (is that Carlos Santana towards the end of Sexy??!) (no.). 'Latin Girls' is just obnoxious, though the ending with the jazz flute amuses me. As for Sexy, raps such as "when you're on my mind i can't find anything that rhymes with the word rhyme i gotta rhyme rhyme with mixture" just doesn't pass. And speaking of Sexy, I'm gonna finish this review by going on a little fury against sound effects in music here for a second. You, the Black Eyed Peas, you asses, you don't need the camera sound effect after you say "I took your picture". I understand that taking a picture involves a camera, and I don't need you to help me out to realize that by putting in the sound of a camera taking the picture. As for you, Joel Plaskett, you dirty bastard, you don't need to have the phone ringing when you say "I was talking about changing my cell phone plan" on Extraordinary. Are you trying to appeal to 6 year olds? People that don't speak your language? It would be like a movie theatre pausing the Exorcist and having a clown run through the ailes giving everybody balloons. Simply not helpful.

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Louis XIV - The Best Little Secrets Are Kept 5/10

Jason Lee lets his guitar do the talking for him. He proudly stands there on stage, with his guitar thrust suggestively from his midsection, as his guitar squeals out a series of ridiculously random, unstructured notes on the high E. Those random unstructured notes (coming from the suggestively thrusted guitar) effectively mean, "I want all you thirteen year old girls in the audience, and your 55 year old mothers too. I will take whatever I get." In response, the 13 year old girls scream forth gleefully, which effectively means "Oh Jason, I have no taste in music... but you are soooo sexy and it looks to me that you can play guitar sooooo well".

And so, Louis XIV's trap works once more.

They are a band of guys that look slightly Ogre-esque that sing about their various sexual exploits and desires. They put on one of the worst shows I have ever seen, and Jason Lee (vocals and guitar) does some pretty horrific live solos.

Luckily, they are better (musically at least) on their new album, The Best Little Secrets Are Kept.

That should not be taken to mean that they are really unique - they arent: Thhey take equal parts Bowie, T Rex and Hugh Hefner.

The lyrics are not intelligent, and they manage to produce some of the most obnoxious (not in a good way) and sometimes offensive lyrics known to man. By the end of the album, you are wondering how they can possibly write this many songs about the exact same thing. However, his vocals can be entertaining and the music is generally pretty damn catchy. Really, the catchyness is all they have going for them.

There are high points though, such as the pleasant, Beatlesy 'All The Little Pieces', the T.Rex-y 'Letter To Dominique', and the improvised break down in 'Illegal Tender'. 'Ball of Twine' is also fairly neat musically, though lyrically its as bad as the rest.

So if you are up for shutting of your mind for a little while and listening to some catchy music that a couple horny 35 year olds have penned, well... here it is.

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Meat Puppets - No Joke 5/10

It is fate, tragic fate, that at some point the Meat Puppets would eventually sound like Metallica. All you have to do to see this is look at the first four letters of each bands name! Don't you see?? They're just scrambled!

Yes, thats right. The step into darkness. The Meat Puppets have started sounding like Metallica, especially on the first two tracks 'Nothing' and 'Scum'. Actually, to be fair, its a cross between Metallica and perhaps Stone Temple Pilots.

By the third track, 'Head', they have whipped out the cello and piano, for a somewhat nice (at least interesting) track.

So, what do you get when you take a band that used to play crazy cool hillbilly-jazzpunk and give them chugging riffs, cellos and fame? Well, you get a String Tribute to the Meat Puppets, as performed by a couple drug addled fellas that have completely run out of ideas that don't involve schemes to get their next fix.

A damn shame.

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Meat Puppets - Too High To Die - 8/10

The year is 1994.

10 years ago, the Meat Puppets helped destroy Big Brother with a little album called Meat Puppets II.

1 year ago, Kurt Cobain wrapped up his tour with the Meat Puppets by playing 3 of their songs at MTV Unplugged.

Today, they release their new album, (The Potential To Get Rich is) Too High To Die.

Sometime in the future, Mr Cobain will kill himself (Courtney Love will brutally murder him?) and the Meat Puppets will get buckets of attention and money.

Then, Cris will use that money, and buy lots and lots of drugs, eventually phasing out music. Curt Kirkwood will say, "well thats just swell, this gives me the opportunity to form the really really crappy version of the Meat Puppets that i've always wanted." And so he did.

And basically, thats the story of the Meat Puppets. I should add a couple things - The 'Puppets went through at least 3 different audiences over the course of their career - First, the punk crowd that respected creativity and the college rock radio people... second, no audience at all. From roughly 1989 until 1993, I would venture a guess that nobody liked them. They started going towards hard rock, so college radio ditched them and commercial radio didn't want them. And then, the Nirvana/90s alternative crowd took them on in 1993. And I suppose in 2002 or whenever the revised Meat Puppets put out their cd, they took on a bunch of morons as fans.

Why am I saying all this? I guess I'm just trying to give an idea of where the Meat Puppets were at at this stage of their career, because it's certainly not where they were on Mirage, Up On The Sun and Meat Puppets II. They have a much more commercial friendly sound, though they are still quite unique. Of all of their albums that I've heard, this is their best attempt at making both money AND good music.

Most of this album is at least decent, with a few really standout tracks in the middle of the album. Shine, which could probably be mistaken for a redneck lullabye, is somewhat reminiscent of the good old days. Station has some great lyrics, and is probably as good an example of their 90's alternative side as anything. It also has a riff that I love. The next song, Roof With A Hole is just a cool ballad and I don't know why it appeals to me so much. As always, Curt's guitar work on it is nice. And then their most successful song ever, Backwater. Perhaps the best song on the album, it features a great riff, great soloing, good structure, everything! This is the song that shot to the top when Kurt Cobain died.

The other great song on this album is a dropkick-in-the-face hillbilly stomp called Comin' Down, which ends with some glorious a capela.

And I guess thats my story about the last good Meat Puppets album.

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Meat Puppets - Mirage - 6/10

Ah, Mirage - Supposedly the Meat Puppets' psychadelic epic. To me, the only Puppets album (that I've heard) that has a distinctly 80's sound, with the overly shiny drums and all that jazz. To me, Mirage is a continuation of Up On The Sun, except a bit more heavily produced with better vocals. The punk edge is gone.

In the first six tracks, they've got the overproduced 80s song (Mirage), the somewhat funky track (Quit It), the country shuffle (Confusion Fog), and the classicalish song (The Wind And The Rain), the beer-drenched ballad (The Mighty Zero) and the almost-Allman 'Get on Down'.

Mirage seems a bit less imaginative, and just too polished. You don't have to look beyond the guitar solo on 'I Am A Machine' to see this.

It isn't that there aren't bright spots - 'Love Our Children Forever' brings to mind Pink Floyd, the musicianship is still there for most of the album, etc. Its just that the imagination/musical curiousity seems to be lacking, and they just don't seem as into it.

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Meat Puppets - Up On The Sun - 8/10

I'm going to start off by saying that I don't like this album as much as Meat Puppets II. This one just isn't as fun, the vocals are pretty unlively, and most of the punk sound is gone. It is replaced with ridiculous talent and technical proficiency, as well as enough quirkiness to feed a small country. Besides the influences apparent in the Meat Puppets earlier work (punk, country, psychadelic), funk and classical seem to seep their way onto this album. The funk is especially apparent on 'Away'.

The chemistry on this album is tremendous, especially compared to their self-titled album from 3 years before. This cd reminds me of an extended jam session, minus the individual wankery. They wank together, in unison, carefully orchestrated and all, and they will have it no other way.

A lot of this album reminds me of Frank Zappa, because of the quirkiness and the huge array of influences. I suppose they are also similar in that both Zappa and the 'Puppets do their best to prevent you from being able to pay attention to anything other than the music. No socializing, no working, no sleeping... just rock.

Despite the musicianship blowing my mind song after song, this just isn't as solid an album as Meat Puppets II. I wish that Curt seemed a bit more into the vocals, but instead he takes a step back into the land of mumbled laziness that in part ruined their first album.

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Meat Puppets - Meat Puppets II - 10/10

Curt Kirkwood saved the day, being an egotistical jerk and taking creative control of the Meat Puppets. They were all sick of the hardcore scene, and Curt was never a huge fan of punk anyhow - Meat Puppets II is truly unique as a result of him. It is part punk, part country, part psychadelic freakout.

I hope that the people who loved the first Puppet's album got a highly original slap in the face when this one came out. Suckers. Because it is just that damn good. Glory Glory Hallelujah. Have you heard the guitar and bass on Magic Toy Missing? How about every other song on this gem? It's brilliant! I can honestly say that it is a sound that I've never heard before (or since).

I will admit however, that as much as I've been known to admire the Meat Puppets, I listen to them quite rarely. The music isn't really a good soundtrack to anything that goes on in my day to day life. Maybe if I were a rabid squirrel, this would be perfect. A mosquito even. New Gods would be the perfect song for those animals.

If this review was a bit disjointed, forgive me. I'm adding stuff at the top as often as I add stuff to the bottom, its closer to morning than it is to night, and I'm listening to a band that sort of prevents me from making sense.

I also feel like I should throw out a thankyou to Jack Black - Back when I didn't know much about music made after about 1980, I grabbed an issue of Blender Magazine, one of the worlds worst music magazines. However, this single issue probably told me about more awesome music than any other magazine I have ever bought, due to a one page article where Jack Black told me about a bunch of music i should hear. Besides Meat Puppets II, he told me to check out: Sebadoh, Urge Overkill, Fugazi, Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Nick Drake, Firehose, Elliot Smith, Big Star, Built to Spill, Can, Dr Octagon, The Flaming Lips, PJ Harvey, King Crimson, Modest Mouse, Pavement, Pixies, Toots and the Maytals. Thats a pretty good start on (mostly) 90s alternative, I've gotta say. Thank you Jack.

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Meat Puppets - Meat Puppets - 3/10

Now you just read that and said "Oh Peter you bastard. Captain Negativity over there, come on and write a positive review, won't you?"

To which I respond, screw you, asshole. The positive reviews will come - I just hate incoherent hardcore punk, which is what this is.

And I'm thinking right now that I have to make this review an attack on hardcore in general, rather than strictly bash this album. Why? Because I assume that this is a good album to people who like this type of music, so in order to legitimately dismiss this as a not-very-good album, I need to dismiss it as a not-very-good genre. Maybe I'm being even more closed-minded this way. I dont care - my logic made sense to me at the time, and being a stubborn bastard I'm going to stand by it.

It took me 3 tracks (a total of 4:01) to write that introduction. That means that we are now at track 4, the best track of the album. The song is a cover of a Doc Watson song called Walking Boss, and it is one of the best Meat Puppets songs ever. It is the only song that steers clear of the dominant style of the rest of the album, and shows the glorious hillbilly punk that is to come. The song features a really laid back walking bassline, a wall of distorted guitar that fits perfectly, and perfect half mumbled talking/screaming vocals. I'll probably never hear the cover, but I feel confident saying that it can't be better than this.

The rest of the album features the same wall of distortion, except for the bulk of it doesn't sound good. Curt Kirkwood lacks (or at least doesn't show off) the technical glory that future Puppets albums would feature. His vocals are also mostly useless, being absolutely impossible to understand. It's a constant moan-mumble, rather than the screaming that plaugues most hardcore. It's pretty much just as bad though... a little bit more entertaining, perhaps, but in the end it's simply as obnoxious as hell. They play the wrong notes and they don't play the chords right - they'd be able to pull this off beautifully later, but they just weren't good enough here.

This is also the only album where Derrick Bostrom (drummer) would write the lyrics. After this album, Curt would take creative control of the Puppets for good. The lyrics are pretty entertaining at times, though of course... they are useless outside of the cd booklet. Borstrom may as well have been writing poetry with no intentions of it ever being set to music.

The album is over and so is the review - If there are holes in it, I don't care. This album does NOTHING! for me. I just realized that I set out to explain why hardcore is useless and It's simply this - I have no idea what they are trying to express with their music... no idea! I sure can't understand the lyrics. I can just assume that these people are angry, furious! Out of control with RAGE! Are you in their path? You better get out of the way, because these guys are pissed. They are drunk, they are stoned, and they're about to smash their guitars on your head!

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The Stills - Logic Will Break Your Heart 4/10

It’s entirely possible that logic could break my heart. There are many things that could break hearts though, and I would like to propose a few alternate titles for this album, or perhaps for their next one. Hype Will Break Your Heart. Boundless Treble Will Break Your Heart. Coldplay-Crooning Will Break Your Heart.

The Stills Will Shatter Your Soul.

After listening to the first 4 tracks, I'm saying - maybe this album isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe I'm being way too harsh on it. I mean, it's not great, but it passes.

That sensation is immediately replaced by boredom, and I remember why I don't like this album. I start changing tracks 2 minutes into each of them. His voice starts to make me crazy. The guitars seem to be running through all the tracks, never changing much from their high pitched grate. The lyrics fly straight past me. I don't care to know what they are anymore, because the rest of what’s going on is distracting me.

The Stills try to hang out in territory somewhere between Coldplay and The Strokes (much closer to Coldplay... they really don't sound much like the Strokes at all), taking the worst parts of both and trying to make a Supergroup out of them. Sort of like the Traveling Wilburys.

The sixth cut, 'Ready For It', becomes my theme song. As they keep on yelling out "I'm Ready For It!" I’m doing the same thing, talking about the next track which will arrive after 5:20 of this one.

During the breakdown in that song, I light a stick of incense and consider going upstairs to make a sandwich. See if anything has changed when I get back. I know that nothing will, and change the track instead. The next track, 'Let's Roll', reminds me somehow of Savage Garden. A theme that runs through this album becomes apparent - they love chanting their song titles.

Allison Krausse is a bit more interesting. They don't sound like Coldplay for this one, it's the shortest track on the album, and they don't have an obnoxious chanty chorus.

And then the song that convinced me to buy it. Let's see if I still like it. The song is Still In Love, and has a bit more of an 80s Post Punk (maybe?) feel to it. I'd say that it is probably still the best song on the album. I really like the bass line that runs through the chorus (which, by the way, is an obnoxious chant of the title), and his vocals are better than they are at any other point.

So, Stills, this is what you have to do in order to make a decent second album. I'm jumping on as your producer. Over the course of production, I will be cruel to you, glaring at you for the great bulk of the recording process and trying to shatter your egos. So just be prepared, boy scouts.

1. You will make your songs no longer than 3:40. Your two best songs are the two shortest ones, so that should tell you something.

2. The choruses will all consist of more than the song title.

3. Chris Martin will be invited into the studio, where he will be ritually slaughtered in front of your eyes. Take a lesson from this.

4. You will put serious effort into broadening your musical taste, and perhaps learn that you don’t always have to play the same really really high pitched chords really quickly and repetitively.

Which brings me to perhaps the 3rd best track on the album - the merciful last track. It's just a pleasant little ditty (perhaps what they were trying to do for the rest of the album and failing) called Yesterday Never Tomorrows. It has a pretty bad chorus, "Some Things Last Forever/Why Cant This Last Forever/Nothing Lasts Forever/I Hope This Lasts Forever", and then ends with one minute of unnecessary 'atmospheric' wank. For the love of god, shut up.

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Art Brut - Bang Bang Rock And Roll 10/10

I'm going to start this one off saying that Art Brut has been my favorite band for a few weeks now, ever since I first heard them. They just blow me out of the water. I love the lyrics. I love the music. I love how disgusting his voice is. Everything. It's just beautiful.

Art Brut are shameless. Art Brut are obnoxious. Art Brut very rarely play solos. Art Brut Art Brut are my current rock heroes, and if you don’t like them, well - you aren't as cool as me, and I don't like you.

Art Brut take the regular themes, put a twist on them, and dip them in some rock and roll fondue. They wrote the best love song i've heard in a while (Emily Kane). They wrote the only song I can think of about not being able to perform in bed (Rusted Guns of Milan), though I assume that Bryan Adams and Peter Frampton have also filled a few double-albums with those songs. And then they go out and write 10 other mostly great songs.

The term Art Brut began (I think) as 'outsider art' in France - the art of the prisoners/outcasts/insane ppeople who had no real knowledge of what wass going on in the art world at the time. Therefore, it isn't rooted in the common influences of the time, and is usually at least a bit unique. Would I say that these guys are art brut? No, although they do try to make you think that with 'Bad Weekend' where they say 'Haven't read the NME in so long, don't know to which genre we belong' before chanting 'popular culture no longer applies to me'. And to be honest, I'm terrible with genres. They tend to just annoy me, though if thrown into a dark corner with no food, I won't hesitate to use them. I don’t know to which genre Art Brut belongs. People say art punk, I say fuck them, because putting the word 'art' before a word like 'rock' or 'punk' is just not helping anybody. So, one genre I file these guys under is obnoxious vocals, awesome lyrics, somewhat dancey garage/punk music. But I usually just file them under ridiculously awesome.

As far as I can remember, I haven’t given a perfect score to any bands from the last decade or 2. That changes today, as I hesitantly give these guys the perfect 10. It’s just that good. NME will come along, praising these guys for 19 issues in a row. Everybody will fall in love with them, and I'll pretend that I hate them, because I'm a snob like that. But don’t believe it for a second, I'm just going through the motions. This is the best band I've heard in a while.

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Weezer – Make Believe 1.5/10

Weezer is built on catchiness and clever lyrics. Undone, El Scorcho, Island in the Sun - They're the songs that everybody knows andd loves, and they're all ridiculously catchy. Somebody will bring an acoustic to a party, and somehow a Weezer singalong will ensue because everybody knows those ridiculously-fucking-catchy words and riffs.

There are no songs on Make Believe that this will happen with. The only 'catchy song' on the album is Beverly Hills, and that one is downright obnoxious.

on Make Believe, Rivers decided... "Hey, lets completely tear down everything good about our band. Instead, lets have some really shitty generic pretending-to-say-a-lot-but-really-saying-nothing-at-all emo (the bulk of the rest.. especially Pardon Me), some really shitty generic 70's arena rock (Beverly HIlls), and some really shitty generic 4th rate Cure rip off (This is Such a Pity). Along the same lines, our 3 openers will be The Bravery, Jimmy Eat World, and Foghat. It'll be great."

The first sign that it wouldn't be a great album was, of course, their recent output. The first sign that it would be a bad album was the release of Beverly Hills as the single. The first sign that Rivers has become a 100% little bitch is that it's a 45 minute album, with only one song clocking in at under 3 minutes.

With 'We Are All On Drugs' its unclear whether its a drug anthem or an anti-drug anthem, though it seems most likely that it could only be enjoyed if the listener was sufficiently out of their heads.

On Perfect Situation, Cuomo asks himself "Whats the deal with my brain / why am I so obviously insane.." I ask the same thing about the guy, although most of me thinks that Rivers is the sanest he's ever been. He dumbed down his vocabulary, stripped the music of any originality or catchiness - coming out with perfect-for-shitty-mainstream-radio songs that go "whats the deal with my brain / why am I so obviously insane."

When I started writing this review on my 3^rd or 4^th listen, I was wondering if maybe I was be unreasonable, that I was only being critical because Weezer had evolved. Then I said, nope – I wouldn’t go near this album if it wasn’t by Weezer in the first place.

So, on May 10th when this album comes out, you can rest happily while listening to Pinkerton and the Blue album, certain at last that you don't have to waste any more time thinking about when the next album is coming out or what Rivers is up to. Because it just doesn't matter.