THE HARDEST PART

By JoLayne
EnyaJo@aol.com

TRIO CHALLENGE: A pouch, a card, desert sand
QUOTE 1:"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson
NOTE: Julie's response, Roses, from a couple of weeks ago inspired this in some way. :-)

~~~~~

Grisham entered his apartment with an eager smile, a full heart and hot loins. It had been three weeks since he had been able to spend time with Vera, since that cousin of hers came to visit. But now, the visitor was gone, Vera had signaled him that morning in the pueblo square that she would arrive at their usual time, and he had work to do getting ready for her. He had genuinely missed Vera in her absence. Grisham hadn't realized that he had truly loved Vera until she wasn't available.

After shutting the blinds at the windows, he opened his uniform jacket and gently took out the three roses that he had snatched from Montoya's garden so the thorns wouldn't do anymore damage to his side. He rubbed his wounds as he remembered being careful to take blooms from the back of the bushes; Montoya would never know that they were missing. Grisham stood with an easy smile by the bed, picturing how lovely Vera would be, almost smelling her, envisioning how she would gently kiss the thorn pricks on his ribs to 'make them better'. She liked to play nursemaid, to mother him, and oh how he loved it so. He pulled back the covers on the bed and started to pluck the petals of the roses, letting them flutter to the mattress. When the last petal fell, he spread them out evenly across the length and width of the bed, wishing he had had the guts to swipe more from Montoya to properly fill the surface.

He took a bottle of wine from the shelf and set two glasses on the table. Taking off his uniform jacket and loosening his shirt, he slip back one blind to see if Vera was on her way to him yet. She wasn't. There weren't many people in the area; she did have to be careful not to be seen. After hanging his jacket up in his closet, he opened a drawer and took out a pouch and card that he had prepared to send to the Hidalgo hacienda after he was sure that Gaspar wouldn't be home to intercept it. He opened the drawstring of the pouch to see the sparkling diamonds inside. He lifted out the necklace that he had pillaged from an outlaying ranch. The father had been arrested for robbery and had the gall to fight the inevitable. That necklace was found by Grisham in the wife's jewelry box. It was the least that they could pay for breaking the leg of one of Grisham's officers, resisting arrest, and being generally annoying. The necklace was probably stolen anyway. The minute that Grisham saw it, he visualized it around Vera's neck. He couldn't wait to give it to her. He was glad that he would be able to see her face as she opened it and would allow him to hook the clasp as she held up her long, blond hair. He debated on whether or not to give her the card, since he would now be able to give it to her in person. The message on it was short but sweet declaring his sadness at not having been able to see her. He hadn't wanted to give away too much of his feelings away in such an impersonal manner. To reveal any of his own thoughts was tough enough when Vera was right there. He had always just enjoyed himself with her but not talk about the future, their situation of having to sneak a couple hours a week. He scrunched up the card and threw it in the waste basket deciding to show her just how much he had missed her, how happy he was that they could finally be together again... that he loved her. He actually loved her. Absence made his heart grow fonder. Vera out of sight did nothing to wipe her from his mind. Vera was all that Grisham had thought about the last three weeks.

He looked again out the window to see her just approaching his door. He ran to opened it. Vera slipped in then he shut the world outside with a quick slam of the door. She was leaning up against the wall looking at him. Grisham wrapped his arms around her and breathed her in. It had been so long. He had missed her so much. Her body fit so perfectly against his. He cupped her face to kiss her, but she pulled away.

"Marcus," she quickly said. "We have to talk."

"And I have something for you," he said as he kissed her neck and spun her over to the bed. "Later."

Vera pulled away from him and seemed to gasp when she saw the rose petal strewn bed. She stood far away from him as she said, "I can not stay long, Marcus. I came to tell you that--."

"What are you talking about?" Grisham interrupted her. "You just got here. Let's not waste time."

"Marcus," Vera said, averting his grasp when he walked toward her. She gently pushed him onto the bed and stood straight, fighting against his pull to bring her onto the bed with him.

He sat up and grumbled. He forgot that she liked to talk before getting down to action. He smiled up at her with his hands on his knees. "What is it?"

It took her a while to finally say, as she held her hand to her gut, "I can not see you anymore. I felt I needed to tell you in person. I was going to send a card."

"What are you talking about?" That was the most ridiculous thing he had ever hear her say. He was convinced that she felt the same way about him, but he hadn't been able to realize the depth of his feelings before he couldn't have her for a while.

"Gaspar and I," she said with a wondrous smile. "Are going to have a child."

"You're what?" Grisham evenly asked.

"A baby." Vera's smile could have lit up all of Alto California. Grisham felt as if he was just on the receiving end of a fist full of desert sand. "Gaspar and I are going to have a baby, Marcus. So, I can not see you anymore. I am sorry. I have my family to think about now, my husband, my child. You have meant a lot to me and I hope that we can remain friends--."

"Remain friends?" Grisham whined and shook his head to clear it. What just happened? She can't possibly be with child... by Gaspar! He walked to her and put his hands on her shoulder. "Vera... you are really going to have a baby?" When she nodded, excitedly, he asked her, "How can you be so sure that it is Gaspar's? You said you weren't..." he shrugged. "You know... you and Gaspar weren't... doing..."

"We have," Vera said, bowing her head with what Grisham took as shame.

She should feel guilty! She made me love her!

Grisham started to speak but Vera cut him off. "Please do not make this more difficult than it already is. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me and who I love. I always will. We are going to have a baby, Marcus. I can not see you anymore. Please understand."

Before he could even comprehend that she had spoken, Vera had quietly left his apartment. He looked at the shut door, at the petals on the bed, the wine on the table, the pouch that held the necklace that he had stolen for her. Grisham was numb. He had lost it all, and he didn't even realize that he had it while he did. He felt himself start to tear up and knew that would never be wise. Only girlie men cried after being dumped. Grisham had never been dumped. Never. Until now.

He couldn't sit and wallow in that room anymore. He quickly put on his uniform jacket and walked outside, buttoning it. There was a prisoner somewhere who needed a beating and Grisham made sure he would find him and deliver it. He had to get rid of the pent up frustration, bitterness and disappointment. Someone is going to pay! He saw Montoya coming out of his courtyard and motion to him.

Grisham wondered if he was going to get orders to apprehend the thief who had stolen some of his beloved roses, and Grisham would gladly arrest a patsy. He was determined to make someone feel as crappy as he did at that moment. Montoya, instead of moaning about his missing blooms, smiled at Grisham and looked up at the bright sunshine. "Fine day, isn't it Capitan?"

Grisham grunted and stood at attention next to Montoya looking out at the citizens that they controlled. Grisham audibly gasped when he saw Vera exit the market and with the gentlemanly aid of her driver, climbed into the carriage. She was so beautiful. She had so recently been his. She was sleeping with her husband. She was going to have a child, a child that should have been his... He lost her.

Montoya nudged Grisham, who wiped away that tear that had formed without his knowing it. Grisham turned away from the Colonel to collect himself. Montoya put his hand on Grisham's shoulder. "You and Senora Hidalgo," he began. Grisham was waiting for Montoya to ask if they had been intimate, but instead said, "Are no longer?" Grisham turned to face his superior, a little more than surprised that Montoya had never mentioned that he had known about their affair. "I could see in the way she looked at you. I could also read her body language and how you are reacting that... it was her idea."

Grisham nodded, looking away, head held high. Montoya said again, "Capitan. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Grisham evenly looked at him. "Who came up with that crock of shit?" He walked away, looking for someone to beat up.

END

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