SILLINESS

by JoLayne

Anthony D. posted this challenge on a list:

USE THIS LINE {OR THE IDEA} IN A FIC:

Montoya: "Dr Helm, what are you doing with my sister?"
Tessa: "You're my best friend, Vera." {or 'Montoya'}.
Grisham: "Not now, Vera."
Helm: "What the bloody 'ell do you mean by 'there can be only one'??"
Montoya: "I give up."

Montoya walked into his study to be completely taken off balance from the sight of a bent over Doctor Helm, with sweet little naive pure-as-the-driven-snow, Alicia, spooned under him. "Dr Helm! What are you doing with my sister?"

Helm looked back over his shoulder. "Hm?"

Montoya, "My sister! That's my little sister! What are you doing?"

Helm straightened up and turned Alicia's face to his. Yep, just as he assumed, it was still blue. He had to work fast. He bent behind her again, pressed his fists under her rib cage.

Montoya continued, "Right here in my office?! Have you no shame? No discretion? What are you doing?!"

Helm ignored the Spaniard and thrust his hands up into Alicia's chest. A piece of chicken flew out of her mouth and landed on Montoya's velvet sofa. Helm straightened to examine her breathing. Montoya was about ready to raise the roof or pull his gun, "What was that all about?!"

Alicia smiled in thanks, knowing that she had been close to death, but was woozy from the lack of oxygen. With Helm's help, she situated herself on a chair. Helm turned to Montoya and explained, "It's called the Heimlich Maneuver."

"The what? What the blazes does this Heimperson have to do with you accosting my sister!"

Helm pantomimed the movement of the Maneuver on himself, "The Heimlich Maneuver. Heimlich Maneuver. I'm sure you've heard of it."

"There's no such thing," Montoya dismissed him. "Don't be ridiculous."

Helm wondered if it had been invented yet... "Well," he shrugged. "I always have been man before my time. I also love to use antiseptic on Gypsy women." (Big wink to ABs)

~~~~~

Meanwhile, at Grisham's place, he was lucky enough to be in the midst of a clinch with Senorita Maria Teresa Alvarado, the most available, most beautiful young lady in Santa Helena... the county... hell, the world. Grisham knew he had to move fast before she could come to her senses.

Tessa was hoping that Vera would make her appearance soon. She had just wanted a few minutes alone with the Captain, not have him think they were actually going to go all the way. He had already spilled the beans on the time of the shipment the next day which the Queen would stop, now she had to get the hell out of there.

Grisham's face was buried in Tessa's neck, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist, his hand... oh his hand!... Tessa was ready to yell for help when the door opened. Grisham growled, "Go away! Can't you see I'm busy?"

Tessa took the opportunity to get away from Marcus, fanning herself with her lace fan. Vera looked from one to the other of them as Grisham said, "Not now, Vera."

"What is going on here?" Vera knew very well what was on Tessa's agenda and thanked her friend for getting Grisham warmed up for her.

Tessa, performing for Grisham's benefit so that he wouldn't realize that she had used him to get information, told Vera in a breathy tone, "Vera, you're my best friend. Remember?"

"Yes," Vera went along with her. "Friendly as a snake about to bite."

Both of the woman looked at Grisham, who wasn't the smarted sharpest tack in the tool box, but knew he was in a precarious position. He had seduced the Senorita, but was having an affair with the Senora. And they had always been friends. He figured Tessa might have known about their affair, Vera probably confided in her during one of those 'girl talk' sessions, and now he may have ruined their friendship. What was he to do? He did what came naturally. He said, "Well, duty calls. Adios," and he was out the door.

~~~~~

After making sure that Alicia only had liquids to digest, Helm moved Montoya out into the hallway. "So, Colonel..."

"Yes?"

"Do you have any other sisters? Any that are... older? Can chew their food thoroughly before swallowing?"

Montoya was about ready to explode. Why he invited the doctor to tea in his home to meet his sister was beyond his capacity to understand. "No, Helm! I'll tell you again. I have one sister. One Uno. One."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! My sainted mother gave birth to two children, me and Alicia. So you see? There can be only one sister. Do you understand?"

Helm whined, "What the bloody 'ell do you mean by 'there can be only one'??"

Montoya shook his head and muttered, "I give up."

THE END