Cat
Joke #10
The
Laws of Cat Physics
Law
of Cat Inertia
A cat
at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law
of Cat Motion
A cat
will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason
to change direction.
Law
of Cat Magnetism
All
blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.
Law
of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat
flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat,
in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law
of Cat Stretching
A cat
will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap
just taken.
Law
of Cat Sleeping
All
cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible
for the cat.
Law
of Cat Elongation
A cat
can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top
that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law
of Cat Obstruction
A cat
must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum
amount of human foot traffic.
Law
of Cat Acceleration
A cat
will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready
to stop.
Law
of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats
must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law
of Rug Configuration
No
rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law
of Obedience Resistance
A cat's
resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do
something.
First
Law of Energy Conservation
Cats
know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second
Law of Energy Conservation
Cats
also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law
of Refrigerator Observation
If
a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along
and take out something good to eat.
Law
of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn
on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed
of light.
Law
of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat
will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot
in any given room.
Law
of Bag/Box Occupancy
All
bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law
of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's
irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times
the amount of human laughter.
Law
of Milk Consumption
A cat
will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law
of Furniture Replacement
A cat's
desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost
of the furniture.
Law
of Cat Landing
A cat
will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section
of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law
of Fluid Displacement
A cat
immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount
of milk consumed.
Law
of Cat Disinterest
A cat's
interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law
of Pill Rejection
Any
pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law
of Cat Composition
A cat
is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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