Perception why does everything seem so different now?
these thoughts run through my head
along with all the dead dreams which collasped
I miss those dreams.
I miss hanging out with them
those were the good old days
nothing to talk about but what
we were gonna wear the next day
and how we were gonna stand out
become our own person
Individuals in a group of friends
Then everything changed
Change felt good
different
I thought it would last
now it feels like everythings falling apart
like it should be time for a change again
but your hearts resisting it
Your friends tell you that what your feeling
is a change in perspective
a displacement of emotion
from one atimate object to a different one
but you don't believe what they tell you
all you know is that there needs to a change
a difference in how life is viewed
a difference in who you veiw it with
and yet you can't stand to be alone
a fragment of your heart with be torn out
you can't make the transistion cleanly
without the scent of blood
still lingering in your hands
months after you tore away his heart
and you know you won't recover fully
no one's arms will feel right
no one's hand will feel the same
but maybe thats a good thing
maybe you need to feel a difference
maybe the same.. is getting boring
and you need to feel something new
something different
to make sure you still can feel
to make sure your hearts still beating
to make sure you havn't lost it in the struggle
you wonder why your first time wasn't better
why it wasn't "perfect" like they say it will be
and I don't know if it can be anymore
I don't know if it ever is
yet everyone around me seems to have it
and they all reconized that mine wasn't perfect
way before I did
they all told me I'd get hurt
they never told me I'd go numb
that I would barely be able to feel
the happiness I used to

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