As winter dawns I feel the love
and beauty from deep within
The life growing inside of me ~
the breath of life begins.

Your heart is beating next to mine
your beauty I can see
I feel you deep inside my soul
you are a part of me.

I place my hand upon my womb
and feel you move within
Smiling I think that very soon
your life will just begin.

My happiness at your pending birth
is soon clouded with fear
You suddenly stopped your activity
and I cannot feel you near.

The doctors tell me it is nothing
just go home and rest
But the more I wait for your breath
I only believe them less.

But the next day I go back again
I know something is wrong
I felt my baby move last week,
please tell me he's not gone!

Four doctors tried and couldn't find
the beating of your heart
So terrified I closed my eyes
and hoped we'd never part.

Finally a doctor found a beat
and sent me on my way
Despite relief I was still concerned
but what could I do or say?

But something still is not right
why can they not see
Where is your breath I cannot feel
deep inside of me?

They do not listen - what do I know?
they're experts in the field
But I still know that part of me ~
something is wrong I feel.

An emptiness washed over me
as I looked deep inside
Where are you, my little one?
your life is not denied!

And so amidst all my concerns
the day is finally here
When I breathe life in to you
and your gentle sigh I hear.

But my fears are soon realised
when I do not hear you cry
Where's my baby - oh please God no!
why did he have to die?

Cooper, my dear little one
I wanted you so much
The beauty of the gift of life
in your gentle touch.

I still feel you in my soul
where you'll always be
Close to my heart of hearts ~
a special part of me.

© Christina
20th April, 2001

"This poem was written for my friend Melissa's friend who endured these agonising feelings that something is wrong with her baby. After seeking many doctors who disregarded her fears and sent her home to rest, she gave birth to her dead son on 3rd June 2000. He died in the womb days before and he possibly could've been saved through an emergency Caesarian when she first went in.

This poem is dedicated to the memory of her son who died....and to the many other women and their babies who have been through the pain of stillbirth."