The tears are on your pillow
and pain is in your heart
Reflection of the sadness
that now tears you apart ~
The hopelessness engulfs you
the despondency you feel
This loss and empty nothing
it doesn't seem quite real.

You close your eyes and remember
not that long ago
The laughter and the smiles
you had come to love and know ~
The way he grew to become
the caring loving father
Giving you in his own way
the love that you sought after.

You smile at the memories
of what you came to share
Thinking you had so much time
to show him that you care ~
Wishing he was still around
the talks you had together
Now masked by the knowledge
that he is gone forever.

Memories of the painful past
that still haunt your mind
Of fragments that you recollect
from the winds of time ~
When he was a different man
back in your younger years
The discipline of his fisted hand
reducing you to tears.

The times of when child abuse
was never heard or seen
Just regarded as a firm hand
in teaching discipline ~
And when he flew into a rage
yelling at your mother
The fear that overwhelmed you;
wasn't he supposed to love her?

Fragmented memories of the past
repression of your mind
The blind eye of your father
didn't read the signs ~
The painful recollections
that you had pushed away
The memories of what he once was
you struggle with today.

Now with both your parents gone
what does there remain?
The house that stands where you lived
with so much hurt and pain ~
This was your childhood home
with many a memory
The final link with your past
still your security.

So with this end of era
a time to say goodbye
The house you had grown up in
saw the many tears you cried ~
And now the time has come
to let go of all the pain
While the memory of your father
and his love will still remain.

© Christina
23rd April, 2001

"I wrote this poem for a friend of mine who has recently had to deal with the death of her father and the memories she has of him. She struggles with the way he used to be and the father he became. Then she had to deal with the sale of her family home, which held many memories both good and bad. In this poem I express her sorrow, confusion and the many feelings she has.

This poem is dedicated to Elizabeth. May you grow from this.

You can visit Elizabeth's new website
Eyes of my Soul
featuring her poetry on many issues. She'd loved to see you!