It hurts
The pain of remembering ~
The times I thought I was loved
And cherished
Honoured and protected....

The times I thought there was joy ~
Happiness to overcome the sorrow,
Laughter to overcome the tears;
Love to overcome the heartache....

The times I thought there was respect ~
Sacrifices made out of love
And admiration for one another,
Troubles shared
Burdens made lighter,
And independant thoughts valued....

The times I thought there was hope ~
Hope for a future together
Hand in hand
Sharing dreams and accomplishments
And our lives, forever....

I thought love covered a multitude of sins ~
And I had so much love to give,
But I felt much less in return
Than the wrongs dealt upon me;
Both mine and his....

I thought love was to be cherished ~
Something to handle with care
It's fragility is precious,
To be treasured and appreciated,
Not disregarded or neglected....

I thought love was to be honoured ~
To have esteem and admiration
For the one you love,
To have respect for their opinions,
Thoughts and feelings;
Not contempt or abuse....

I thought love was to be protected ~
A safeguard from the storms of life
A haven of security
Where I feel safe;
Not afraid, not destroyed....

I thought there was trust
Reliance, faith, commitment
And real love that could withstand the turmoils,
But what happened?
Instead, there was no trust,
No joy,
No respect,
No hope ~
No hope for love and security ~

And I trusted him,
And I loved him ~
And that hurts....

Written after leaving a violent marriage.
© Christina ~ 1996