I lay in the silence of the darkness
and hear the echoes of the night
Laying next to you I hear you breathe
in the shadows of moonlight.
I want you to embrace me
but I can't stand your touch
As I feel your body close to me
the pain is just too much.

The aching of my body
and the bruises on my skin
How can you sleep just knowing
the torment that I'm in?
This pain you have inflicted
I cannot understand
How can you say you love me
with the palm of your hand?

For better or worse our vows of love
till death do us part
Were broken on our honeymoon
like a knife in my heart.
As you're sleeping soundly
my eyes filled with tears
Is this what I have to look forward to
for the next fifty years?

Silently I get out of our bed
and tiptoe to the door
I then slip into the shower
and fall silently to the floor.
Crying as I try to wash
the filth from my skin
The memories stay to haunt me
of this terror I live in.

Curled up on the shower's floor
crying my silent tears
I try to wash my bruises
and escape my fears.
I wonder why you hurt me
and say that it is love
Why take away my happiness
and all that I dreamed of?

Like a child to be punished
you say it's discipline
"For I must obey my husband
and show respect to him."
You say that I'm deceitful
and that I have affairs
I'm sleeping with the neighbour
I have lovers everywhere!

The pain of your accusations
cut me like a knife
How could you think I'd do that
even though I'm your wife?
So you hit me to remind me
not to fool around
The sanctity of our marriage
is just emptiness I've found.

As I wipe away the tears
I can still feel the pain
What is this need to punish me
over and over again?
You promised to protect me
but I can only wonder why
The same hand that embraces me
is the same that makes me cry.

As I crawl out of the shower
I had hoped to clear my head
But all I felt was hopelessness
as I returned to bed.
I lay there in the shadows
listening to you breathe
Wondering if I'll ever have the strength
and the courage to leave.

© Christina
4th July, 1995

"Like 'Volatile Love', this was another of the poems I had written about my former marriage....and fearing that my ex-husband had thrown them away as I had not seen either of them in the years since.
Here I am crying out why does he do this if he loves me? A powerful line at the end of the second verse says.... "How can you say you love me with the palm of your hand?" Yes....how can you?"

This poem is also featured on my Abuse website
Victims by Chance....Survivors by Choice!