Ghost Poo
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the toilet. Where is it?

Teflon Poo
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Goo Poo
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.

Second Thoughts Poo
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realize... there's more to come.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers Poo
You poo so much you lose several pounds.

Right Now Poo
You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down.

King Kong Poo
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

Cork Poo
Also known as "floaters". Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

Wet Cheeks Poo
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

Wish Poo
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Morning After Poo
Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house (normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.

Mexican Food Poo
Also called "screamers". You know it's safe to eat again when your bum stops burning.

Boo Hoo Poo
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.