Our destination is Cygnus X-1, since a bunch of smart people told us that there's probably a black hole there. It's about 8,000 light years away, but because our spaceship travels near the speed of light, it shouldn't seem that long for Joey and me. That's because Einstein said that for objects (such as Joey and me) traveling at or near the speed of light, time slows down. He better be right, I don't feel like spending over 8,000 years on a spaceship with Joey. I think he has fleas.

Wow, we got here pretty quick. I think Joey ate all my ice cream though, the bastard. I can see the black hole now. Well, I don't actually see the hole itself; the matter it has accreted from its companion star shines bright though. Well, I guess I'm supposed to lower myself into the black hole now. I was planning on making Joey go, but I think he overdosed on ice cream. Serves him right!

Well here I am approaching the even horizon. Don't worry though, I won't be stretched out, or "spaghettified" as those smart people call it. I'm wearing a special suit, or something like that. Whoa, all of a sudden it got really bright in here. I feel like I'm being stretched out too. If anything happens to my spleen, I'm sueing...

Ok, now this is just boring. It's bright, and I've been floating for like an hour. I have to go to the bathroom too. On the bright side, I just found out that the meaning of life is...

Well, this is just great. I must have reached the singularity. That's why it seems like I've been writing this letter as things happened. You see, it's all relative here. Space and time are infinite, so I really wrote this letter before I got here. As if that makes any sense whatsoever! Don't ask me how this letter escaped though; maybe it was evapotranspiration. Well, I've gotta go; I just found out that this is where all my damned lost socks go. Look, I think I see Elvis...