A list of the weird, the wacky and the down right odd. WARNING, many of these links will cause synaptic damage, great offense, and have been linked to psychological disorders, spontaneous combustion and irritation of the bowels.

Do you lack bubblewrap to take your anger out on? This may not be a real tension sheet, but it’s a good substitute.

Okay, the movie may be for Animal House what Blues Brothers 2000 was against the original, but it’s a fun enough game to play.

I still love this song. Weeeeeee!!!

Oooh, ow, uuuuurgh, hwwwworp!! I think I've caught midichlorines from unprotected sex with an Ewok crack whore. Poxy little force bugs. How do these Jedi froots cope with this virus crap? Still, could be worse, Droids get far worse ones virus stuff. Check what happened to R2...

Give me an "S"… Give me an "A"… Give me a "T-A-N"! What’s that spell? SATAN! Heard it from Satan’s Cheerleaders.

Do clowns make you cry? Does the very idea of one of these painted cretins coming up to you with a balloon make you want to tear out your own eyes and throw them at him? Then by all means, have a butchers at this.

Okay, this officially freaked me out.

Get down and grooooove with tha KITTEN band. This is awesome. I can just listen to this all day.

At the actual site, check the games, like nuking snot monkeys with killer crabs from your beach bucket etc.

Yes, it’s back! At last! I loved this show.

As we all know, there ain’t nuthin’ that can’t be improved with a little bit o’ Chris Walken. So if your day sucks, just add some Walken via here and you’ll soon be ruing the multiverse with an iron fist.

Check the left hand side for Ralph Wiggum, mallrats and other cool shit.

So your therapist is an utter prat and they can’t figure out shit. Fuck them. You need help from the MAN, the one who knows, and seeing as he’s dead, you can just lay back on the couch and waffle to your own mini version.

Who’s your daddy?

YES! Mine came up as Darth Vader!!

Wow, an illegal download of the most advanced game ever devised. How…how can this technology exist!!!

Do you want to slaughter your enemies, or at least annoy them with some git in a ninja suit? Here’s the lad for ya…

There’s somethings in life you just HAVE to know. I mean seriously, who can sleep without knowing what Tank Girl character they would be. Resolve this malediction of your soul at

A painstaking indepth analysis of why Elvis is really, really dead, as opposed to being really, really alive.

I hate this fucking thing. I thought when I saw it – wot a piece of piss, wait, what? Oh god no! Oh fuck! Ah! Stop it, for the love of dead Elvis stooooop!

Now this is good. Do you want to know if you are epileptic? Fuck the doctors, they don’t know shit. Just click on this link and if you die, you do. Simple.

And I thought 3D chess from Star Trek sucked balls.

Are your wanker workmates becoming corporate overlords while you still have to fill in for the toilet paper holder because even that has got promoted ahead of you? Maybe you need advice, or a shotgun. I can’t help with the shotgun, but here’s some advice.

Gnats, loons, shrinks, fucking creepy animation, crazy house nation attacks, drum therapy. DO NOT FEAR, he is crazy, you might not be. But do not take a beaker full of weapons grade acid and watch this, it might hurt your noggin.

This is cool. Click on all the ones on the right when its loaded and keep doing it, it’s like a cloned crowd of Miss Cleo’s all giving you Jamaican paranormal tarot flak at once.

A site maintained by three clone brothers

Stab jesus and make him destroy pointless bricks. If you do it enough you plunge him into the FIERY CAULDRON OF HELL. Top.

Just fucking typical.

But let me just weigh this up…

1/ Develop tumours like tennis balls out of my head, my brain is crushed by fungus and tatties growing in my synapses. I wake up in a pool of pus every morning from my ears and eyes. Finally I think I’m a three week old Bulgarian carrot called Clive bent on intergalactic Mormon domination before I die.

2/Go natural and look like Dave Mustane or Carrot Top.

Call me Clive people.

Okay all, it’s test time. First…

The colossal death robot test

This was mine….

Scowling wilfully towards Autobot City, you're Megatron!

Look in a mirror and feel the evil. Then eat the mirror. You eat mirrors for breakfast. You are a badass death robot. You busted on Optimus Prime. You. Are. Megatron. Go outside and burn some animals, because you're worth it.

Declare your pre-Galvatron-ness with the following non-heat-sensitive emblem:

Wot annoying B List celebrity are ya?

I feel the need to break this to you gently.

Are you sitting comfortably? If you fall, you're not going to hit your head or anything? Sure?

Right then. Um.

You're Pauly Shore.

Possibly the most obnoxious B-list celebrity there ever was or could ever be, you were once an MTV veejay but have since moved into the world of really, really bad movies. Take, for example, Biodome. Or the risible Encino Man (aka California Man). You've complained that Beavis and Butthead stole your act - and you may well be right. Ugh.

Credit should go to you, though, for making a documentary called Spooge.

The evil criminal test

Sweet, I got….

Congratulations, you're Elizabeth Bathory!

Hailing from sunny Transylvania, your first blood-related incident was when you stabbed a servant girl in the face with a pair of scissors for underperforming. Some of the red spray landed on your hands, and as you washed it off, you noticed that it left your skin fresh and young looking. From then on you were convinced that the blood of young girls was the secret to eternal youth.

Rather than killing girls outright by stabbing them or slitting their throats, you enjoy torturing them for weeks on end by pricking them with needles or prodding with sharp spikes - all to bathe in their blood. You've killed over six hundred women, all without raising a peep from the authorities.

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you bathe in virgin juice with the following fine graphic:

(but hey, my freckly skin IS very smoove)

Wot kind of drunk?

Okay, this one’s bull, I don’t chuck. That’d waste booze I’d spent money and time imbibing.

You are a Chunder Monkey!

"I can handle it, honest. No, I've had this much to drink before and been fine, dandy. Hang on ... No, I'm all right. Don't worry about it. I don't throw up when I'm drunk." Cue technicolor yawn, chunky pastel efluvia being expelled in rhythmic croaks and gushes.

Vomit your way across the Web with the following chunky emblem:

The Horrible Afflcition Test

Hee hee hee. If I go back to the UK, they won’t let me in.

Congratulations, you're rabies!

Transmitted by rabid animals, you're most commonly found infecting creatures such as raccoons, skunks, bats and foxes. But don't worry, you affect humans too, causing either paralysis or hyperactivity in your advanced stages, and ultimately death.

Your most famous symptom is hypersalviation - that delightful foaming at the mouth that we have come to know and indeed love. However, you can also cause hallucination; think of the fun you could have at parties!

If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you kill dogs with the following fine graphic:

So I guess I’ll have to change my name and get a creepy religion to smuggle me in. Wot Mormon name would I have, only the web can help me now…MORMONISE ME YOU SLAGS!!!!

Berniece Bralan

Oh fuck that. Stoopid shit tests. I’m gonna go watch telly…

Sick of those stupid arse heavy bowling balls. They’re all hard and weigh to much and let’s face it, they just don’t have a mind of their own. What you need is to merge the overabundance of jappy fucking annoying mutts and the boredom of normal bowling…I am the weaver.

Speaking of boring everyday puke that just could do with a facelift to make it freak your arse out every time you see it

If that thing don’t scare you away from being on the net all day, maybe you need to take this test and find out the truth.

Whether you think Buffy is sweetly pretty or a skanky whore, or if the show rocks your known cosmos or sucks prestigious globules of mouldy shite…

Speaking of crap to hate. Kein Mitleid Für MicroSoft

Weird arse.

Probably the greatest site in the world.

How can one simulated red Stormtrooper bring so much joy?

Has that site pissed you off? Are you mad as blue fuck? Have you lost all direction and momentum in life now? Well don’t ask me, ask David. The man KNOWS shit.

Did David talk a bunch of shit? Well, first of all, get some of your own. Custom made.

And while you’re at it, print out this to learn more about those interesting poopy noises.

Then kick back with that hard copy and play a round of golf. Nowadays life on the toilet is a blizzard of information and entertainment.

I was going to give you another link, but if you bitches aren’t cool enough, the anti-dork chip will engage on your computer and you won’t get in, so there.

And if you still feel down, trust in the machine to make you feel very confused. Hey, at least you won’t be mad anymore

Lego death

Lego porn

Oh deary me this is creepy arse

Neat song

The bible told in Lego

Flaming bag of poo

Star wars group

The card trick that reads your mind

Distort the president

A nice picture

What is your alignment?

What video game character are ya? I came up as a gauntlet adventurer. 'Pink limee is about to die dudum duudum duudum.' 'Stoopid brit needs booze...badly.'

Drink yourself fit!

Och Aye, haggis, Loch Ness, ya cont, a wee drop o' booze, thit's tha fookin' ticket an nay mistook pal!

Maybe this thar lass could be addin' yin bit o' da wriggly white stoof so youse can tell whither yaz gittin' fit, or wot yonder scoose cant is goinna be 'avin' it wit ya missus, ay jimmy?

Valentines day fun?

Could this geezer be any more fucking lucky?

If I was him, I'd never cross a road again or do anything ever again, every molecule of jammyness has to have been expended and then some.

How nuts are you?

I knew it! All that underwear and muscles and never slipping Lois the ol’ super todger.

Tired of being a slut? Well you can fall off the virgin wagon every week and just get it healed like syphilis.

Did your deranged younger brother try and play psycho-hospital-blood-bath-scream-fest on your fav dolly again? Well don’t fret ickle one, we have the technology to rebuilt her, faster, cuter, more vapid.

And when I go maniac on the streets, steaming about, gibbering and attacking people with pencil sharpeners, and prove immune to average bullets because I’ve caught gay-superman-itus from a mixture of tap water and diluted drugs? Military robot energy tanks. Wonder if we’re on the verge of Battletech time. Hmmm, bags the Zeus! Yeah! Plasma weapons fucking rock!

Does Noookularrh, libaaareee and foooylidje drive you up the wall, then visit a fellow sufferer at…

Okay, last one. So, Superman’s gay right, so no more superdude. But we have all these tap water created mutants out there, and boy, do we have a glut of crime fighters with this random crime fighter name generator…

The REAL celebrity death match looms as does the first Clone Wars, not to mention an Euw movie clip. Yes! Kill! KILL! KILL! I wanna see some battlebot type rucks, like Kitt versus Streethawk, Airwolf versus Blue Thunder, I wanna see Buffy and the crew have it out with the cast of Charmed and Serena the teenage witch in a triple threat no holds barred, leave the ring in a body bag match. I wanna see Carrot Top versus Henry Rollins (for no real reason other than to see that annoying fucker get stomped)

Okay, this is REALLY disturbing, but weldy fucking funny arse

Dammit, that was supposed to be secret. The cloning of top European Council members and their subsequent murder and being rended down in haggis and black pudding to support Scotland’s booming economy and their replacement so the clone can get caught performing an unnatural act with a guinea pig, a horse covered in jam, a cucumber painted blue, a bucket of soapy frogs and a wetsuit with the bottom cut out, in a fiendish bid to make them look worse than our own found-dead-oranges-in-the-butt-bag-on-the-head-wearing-tights members of parliament. Foiled again lads

Just when I thought the human race couldn’t sink any lower.

I reckon it'd be better to use the previous vid clip for a game, copy the dance moves, get them panties sweaty and tangy, the more you succeed, the more money you get for them. The higher the level you get to, the less absorbent the panties, the more you have to bust a move to get them scented. Hmmm, maybe I should copyright that idea.

Bearing in mind that if you fail, CIA death squads, er, I mean, some puertorican bloke will mysteriously break in and kill you and all your loved ones and urinate on your most valuable possessions, including pets but excluding plugged in electrical equipment.

Are you tired of not getting any respect? Do you feel nervous when walking the street alone? Let’s face it, concealed weapons and pepper spray suck mouldy shite, but wait, before you starve to death from hiding under the bed with a cricket bat, why not pick a truly potent weapon from our fine range of light sabres – they’re light, they illuminate, they slice, dice, chop, amputate and decapitate, and let’s face it, they fucking ROCK. So whether you’re a Sith lord wanting to carve some Jedi arse in style, a small green turd with a grammar problem, or a weedy peasant boy who thinks chicks dig guys who can bullseye womp rats, come down to crazy Park’s lightsabre-o-rama and we’ll let you peruse the stock. Call now and we’ll colour co-ordinate the sabre to match your eyes and favourite outfit!!!

Do you pay attention to 'those' kind of horrid devices used by freaks and degenerates who prowl the night bringing the good name of the US into foul disrepute? Just how much do you know, or how lucky are you when it comes to making guesses?

I failed every one because I'm a lovely innocent virginal kind of fluffy person that has no idea what any of these things are for.