to those I have encountered... this page is for you.
~Michael- "I believed in your confusion, I was so completely torn... 'cause I am barely breathing, and I can't find the air, I don't know who I'm kidding, imagining you care." the basketball star, the jock... but there's more than that, isn't there? I am Wrists... the sperm whale... your hero... and what I know, no one will know. Or will they? Will you? We'll see.
~Scott S.- "Never thought I'd get any higher, never thought you'd fuck with my brain, never thought all this could expire, never thought you'd go break the chain... you and me, baby, used to flush all the pain away, so before I end my day, remember... MY SWEET PRINCE... you are the one... you are the one..." Like I told you, you'll never understand how much I loved you... and like I didn't, you'll never realize how much you hurt me... R. Kelly always does that thing with his arms... want to play pool... oh, and we wanted so much more... I got it... but lost it. Will I ever believe in love again? Will you ever speak to me again? I can hope for both... but right now... they both look doubtful. Again, I always manage to fuck things up don't I? You were perfect... ARE perfect... and you realized... too perfect for me. "you are the one..."
~Damariscotta- <kicks feet> Strawberry Cheesecake Jello is disgusting, but it's the best food I was ever given. Won't you dive with me, into my pool of shimmering blue water? With pink fountains, in the twilight, as the stars burn overhead? My first grrl. My only grrl. We've both escaped the City on the Constant Decline, but did we both get what we wanted? Be careful what you wish for... it's all become too true... all too true. But someday... someday, Scootae... we'll find what we were searching for. I will find a boi to love... and you will find a boi to love... who doesn't love boiz. Your candles hang on my wall... how I dreaded 9:30... for when my sister went to sleep... we had to part. But someday, we will go shopping... and I will dye your hair violet and dress you in goth, and we will go clubbing all nite. And we will laugh at our fathers.
~Sarah A.- <licks your forehead> ZHOOZHEE ZHONGWAHN! And the women will come in flocks... and the men will follow... and we WILL TURN ST. LOUIS INTO THE GAY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! Muah ha ha ha ha. VULVA! <bite> Have a drink of my vulva water! don't bite my flesh... AAAAAAH!!!! STOP THAT! I'm sorry I'm so fucking annoying sometimes. Jon didn't get enough ecstasy... FLOW MY CHART BABY! FLOW IT HARD. I can't help it I'm so perfect. I'm gay, and that gives me the right to fondle every girl's breasts I want to. You're gonna do a great job with our Gay Straight Alliance. Thanks for visiting me on my day in need, at the theatre. You're so kewl Sarah. I can always count on you when I'm distraught... WE CAN BE HETERO! WATCH! <slobbers all over your face> It's not OUR fault we smoke, now is it? Sorry Girls, I'm Gay. GET ON YOUR KNEES AND WORSHIP PENIS CHRIST! I believe in the Virgin Zaque! <in a British accent> Give me a detention!!!!!!!!
~Wesley- Fuck boi, I miss you. I haven't talked to you in years, might never... you probably even this day don't realize that I was fucking in love with you... last I heard you were real popular with the ladies. <sigh> But I never enjoyed a game of Truth or Dare once... oh, I only wanted to touch you. IT'S A WHORE! You are a WAMPYRE! WACK-OU-OOM!! Werewolf with a unibrow! Did you see X-Files last nite? I wouldn't eat on that table... I'm sorry I told that grrl... I was just jealous... Yea. I AM GESSO! You got frosting on my alien shirt, and I was pissed... and I never saw you again. Damn, man. I miss you. Hey! They're painting on her tits! Let's watch scrambled porn! You made art class bearable... even if it's my fault that damned Far Side cartoon took you FOREVER.
~AJ- Walking Cartel. I don't hate many people... but damn I hate you. It's just not nice to call an ex-anorexic chubby.
~Alicia- Wow, we've been through a lot together, haven't we? Thank Goddess for X-Files... Mulder 1234 and XScully42 forever! I'm gay... yea... you're bi... And you're going to touch my penis this summer. It's hard to believe it's possible for two people that don't even know each other to know each other SO well... I may have gotten gayer... but you have enough testosterone for both of us. Placebo rox my sox... Good Job. <draws a pentacle on the floor> I'm sorry JAy and I scared you. You and Casey, you lesbian bitches! I was going to kill Scottie for talking to you! I love you, man! Hah hah hah. Someday, if I decide to make a little Jules, you'll carry him, won't you? Then you won't even have to rape me. I live on a kuchikiwahn on my lanae with my legless alligator and tailless porpoise!!!!! AAAH!! THE TanHEELOs are attacking me! It's TANGELO NOT TANGEELO! But they're MEXICAN! AND THEY TAP DANCE! Let my tell you as tory abot het pope asem... Man, I'm going to corrupt you. And don't worry. You're just as pretty as my friends. Trust me... I LOVE JELLO! You can be Jello. :) My oldest friend... much to Casey's dismay. <algush>
~Tyler- "How many times do I have to say, to get away, get gone. Flip your shit past another lasses humble dwelling, you got your game, made your shot, and you got away with a lot, but I'm not, turned on. So put away that meat you're selling. Cause I do know what's good for me, and I've done what I could for you, but you're not benefitting, and yet I'm sitting singing again, sing sing again, How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this, I'm gonna heal from this, he won't admit to it, nothing to figure out, I gotta get him out, it's time the truth came out that he don't give a shit about me." How interesting that your once self-proclaimed song for me, was found by Shawn and I to be the most appropriate song for you. I had to wait a while before I could enter you onto this page. For from December until as recently as May, you'd completely consumed my life and being in everyway, and there was nothing I could write here that might hold up for more than a week, as I constantly swung between hating you and loving you, most often hating you because I DID love you. It was not until, ironically, another of the boiz who you'd torn apart met me that you lost your stranglehold on my being. So I've been struggling, still am, to decide what to say here. I look back at the bleak winter months, at our break-up, our decision to be friends, our turning out to be enemies, our decision to be best friends, and then a pattern of the same playing out between us and it touching all that surrounded us, for the next several months, and it seems like an eternity... Even when I thought I hated you, I remember the exuberance I felt when I heard that you still cared about me... and I think back upon the times when we did get along, and feel a certain sort of nostalgia. I still recall the nite I met you, and it's slightly impossible for me to connect with my emotion that nite, as the person I am now is certainly a great deal far removed from the naive creature I was that nite. I dare say that I've grown more within 2001 than I have within the other fifteen years of my being, and that is greatly in part to yourself. So as much animosity as I hold toward you, I also realize I have more to thank you for than I could possibly imagine. For as a direct result of our relationship came my best friend, Alison... and the love of my life, Shawn. It's insane how fate works. But like I was saying... that nite, I saw you, and I now can see what I saw in you. A challenge. And my desire to establish my naive fantasy of the perfect boifriend was still so strong, that I projected it onto you. I succeeded for a while, but then you brought the harsh reality crashing down that I was able to fail... For once, I found myself failing in my goals and being the one having to work for what he desired. You made me step back and look twice at myself, and started a whirlwind of emotion, pain, angst and whatnot that made the past six months, in retrospect, to appear as some sort of psychotic soap opera, a vague and shattered mirror in which I see only the broken remnants of my past self. I remember, you told me once, that I taught you more about yourself than anyone ever had. Well, this is entirely mutual. I'm not sure you deserve to be attributed all this philosophical introspective consideration I've looked upon. You were more a catalyst. You've brought me pleasure... both as a friend at times, and an enemy I could use my passive-agressive cruelties against. And pain. Lots of pain. I'm starting to repeat myself, but I simply can not sum up so easily someone who has been the most single driving influence in my life, during one of the most important periods of my life. But one can only talk about the past so long... for now, I have met Shawn. The first time you got drunk together, I was annoyed... for I felt slightly lied to, in that part of what initially gave Shawn and I common ground was our contempt for you. Then came PrideFest, and I was prepared to accept your presence, once again, as a friend. Then you got drunk together again, and your malicious intent was clearly recognized by me. And that brings us to now. Your grasp upon my conciousness has been completely released, and I realize to have a burning hatred towards you will only burn ME. But that doesn't mean I forgive you for all that you've done by any means. Not having to worry about you anymore gives me a freedom to never need to see you again, and as much as I can, I plan to fulfill that. Of course, we will run into each other. But you are simply a stranger to me now. A walking corpse of a past that wasn't entirely healthy. I suppose I could forgive you again, attempt to be your friend, to make amends. But I Think we both fail to learn from our past mistakes, and such efforts would only perpetual the cycle. So, with this little, or not so little, memorium, it all ends. In the back of my mind, I'll always be a member of the I Tazed Smiler Funning Fan Club. But otherwise... you've ceased to exist. "Cause the love that you gave, that we made, wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no. And everytime you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd love me until you died, 'til you died, but you're still alive. And I'm here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away, it's not fair to deny me, of this cross I bear that you gave to me, you, you, you oughta know." That used to be my song for you. But then along came Shawn. And so, my pain is dissolved, my wounds have healed... and I've ceased to care about you.
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, MORE TO BE ADDED SOON.