However, twenty days at sea (allowing for a side trip to drop off four Amazons with instructions to collect Argo and take her to Amphipolis,) still allowed the pirate lots of time for relaxation and recreation, something she pursued with relentless ardour, figuring that she needed to make the best use of her limited time with a certain blonde hunter, while he remained her captive prey, so to speak. With that in mind she set her personal course to drive Iolaus to possible distraction, hoping that she might just get lucky.
Of course, the ship's captain wasn't the only person on board 'Waver Dancer' with an agenda in mind. Tarelle's little clique plotted and planned, their dark insidious little treasons, attempting to find the perfect way to overthrow Gabrielle and Ephiny's rule of the Amazons. Autolycus spent his time alternately mooning over the one woman who had captivated him beyond all others, while flirting outrageously with the women warriors who practically fawned over him ... at least when they weren't swooning in front of a demi-god who's mind was focussed entirely on a slowly recuperating Warrior Princess.
Toris garnered his own share of attention from nubile young Amazons and even drew the occasional lustful glance from Nebula, when she was busy tormenting Hercules' blonde sidekick. However, the raven-haired almost twin image of the Warrior Princess, had his attentions firmly fixed upon a honey haired bard who was spending way too much time in the company of his sister and, because of that, the heroically injured Joxer. That particular young man had been making the most of his situation to grab nearly all the attention that Gabrielle spared from Xena, making both Toris, and the tormented Iolaus, frustrated by the unfair advantage their 'rival' possessed.
Sheraya was determined that by the time they reached dry land and headed home for Themiscyra, every patient under her ministrations, was going to be recovered enough to be able to make their way to their final destinations under their own steam. Her goal was highly laudable, if somewhat optimistic in the fact that she personally felt like doing serious injury to at least three of her patients .. the three most seriously injured as it transpired .. as well as her bardic 'helper'.
The first day after they had shaken Caesar's ships, had passed without too much problem in the infirmary. With Gabrielle there, it had been possible to keep Xena drugged to ensure that she got the peaceful deep rest that she needed to kick-start her recovery. With the Warrior Princess and Joxer heavily sedated, and Eponin only occasionally drifting awake as her body used all her available energy to heal itself, Sheraya had a pretty easy day taking care of the few Amazon Warriors that remained in her care.
With the recovering Patroclese, and Gabrielle, to aid her, the Amazon healer was able to dismiss her two unwilling helpers (Jade and Lasca) back to whatever duties Malonda could cook up for them. As Sheraya watched the two young warriors hurriedly depart from the cabin, she was sure that she'd never seen two happier women; they looked as if they had just received a stay of execution.
Generally speaking, the day after 'Dancer' had given Caesar's ships the slip, had been one filled with laughter, fun and merriment as some of the tension that had beset the ships company was leeched out of them with the thought that they were on the way home after a successful mission.
Two days later, as they sailed somewhere off of the south coast of Italy, things were not so happy, especially in the cabin acting as the infirmary. Sheraya and Patroclese had agreed that it was time to stop administering the sleeping draft to Xena the night before, and one very moody, out of sorts, Warrior Princess was awake with the first rays of the sun ready to make everyone's life miserable in a bid to escape from her confinement there.
By mid-morning the testy warrior had Sheraya ready to pull her hair out, had sent Patroclese running from the cabin in search of some peace and quiet, caused the remaining two injured Amazons to bury their heads beneath their pillows in strangled attempts to hide their amusement at seeing both Xena and their revered healer locked in mental combat, woken Eponin from her long slumber and had Joxer whining because he wasn't getting the attention of a certain bard who was just about ready to give a fractious Warrior Princess a strong piece of her mind.
"Alright, Xena! I've had it," snapped Gabrielle in total frustration as her friend tried for the fourth time that morning to get out of her bed. Placing her index finger in the centre of the warrior's chest she gently pressed forward forcing the, very much weakened, other woman back onto her pillows. "Did you, or did you not, promise me that you would remain in bed until you were fully recovered once we were free of Caesar?" she demanded.
"Yes, I did, but ..." tried Xena.
"Are you, or are you not a woman of your word?" persisted the bard.
Xena arched an eyebrow at her, disdaining to answer, knowing that she'd never broken a promise to her friend, and was well aware that the honey blonde knew that also. - Besides, any response I give to that one will only dig me in deeper! - She opted for a different tack instead, "I'm fine Gabrielle. Everything has stopped bleeding ... I'm not even tired thanks to all that enforced sleeping I've been doing!" she threw a glare at Sheraya as she muttered that.
"And you're nowhere near fit enough to get out of that cot yet," the bard told her adamantly. "Hades, Xena. When I can force you flat on your back with just one finger, even you have to admit that you still have a lot of recovering to do yet."
"Alright, Gabrielle," she grumbled in a low, scarcely audible tone.
However, the young Amazon Queen was in full flow and intended to press her point, "After all that blood you lost it will take time before you replace it."
"Alright, Gabrielle," growled the warrior.
"I mean, even you can't expect to be back on your feet after just a few days. Not after all of the damage you've been taking over the last few moons," she insisted straightened the sheets and tucked the blankets around the Warrior Princess.
"You've made your point, Gabrielle!" snapped Xena with low menace.
"I mean, I know you Xena. The moment you get out of that bed you'll be up on that deck doing drills with your sword and putting your body through Tartarus again ... so I want your word that you will not move from there until Sheraya or Patroclese says your fit enough, and that once you do get out you won't start pushing yourself ..."
"Alright! That's enough Gabrielle!" roared an exasperated warrior, drawing all attention to herself, feeling six pairs of eyes bore into her, a feeling she was uncomfortably familiar with. It opened the gates to the frustration and feelings of helplessness that she had endured while in Caesars's hands. It was a reminder of something her mind wanted to squirm away from. Her brow began to bead with perspiration as the memory of constant scrutiny flooded through her body and soul, making her want to scream in rage and frustration. "That's enough," she panted in a far quieter, almost shaky voice.
Concern instantly creased the bard's brow as she knelt beside her friend reaching out a hand to check for fever, halting as she saw Xena flinch away from her. Gently she moved her fingers forward to stroke the warrior's flushed cheek, "Hey," she whispered soft enough for only her friend to hear. "It's okay, Xena. You just need to rest. You'll be back on you feet in no time."
The Warrior Princess turned her head away from the bard and stared blankly at the wooden wall of the cabin. She could feel the eyes of the other occupants of the cabin upon her and had to fight the desire to fling herself out of the bed and run from the infirmary, away from the eyes that watched her, that crawled across her skin, invading her privacy, violating her sense of freedom.
"Xena?" questioned a worried bard, her hand squeezing the calloused, larger one of the raven-haired woman, "Xena?"
"Leave me alone, Gabrielle," ordered the Warrior Princess. "I'll stay in the bed ... just leave me alone." She knew her voice sounded cold, but she couldn't help that. She needed to raise her protective walls as all of the hardships and pain that she had suffered at Caesar's hands seemed to come crashing down upon her as the realization that she would never be free of what he had done to her made her want to crawl away and hide from the world.
"But ...?" began the honey blonde, not understanding what was going on.
Sheraya had moved quietly to her queen's side and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. As Gabrielle looked up at her, she shook her head and motioned the younger woman away from the pallet of the Warrior Princess. Then had moved over to the far side of Joxer expecting to be followed.
Gabrielle sighed. Biting her lip, she squeezed Xena's hand and then followed Sheraya across the room to where she waited beside Joxer. The bard looked down at her oft times comical friend and gave him something of a wan smile, which he returned with a beaming grin of his own before becoming serious.
"Is Xena okay, Gabby?" he asked softly, worry plain in his tone.
Nodding, the young woman marvelled that this man, so consummately unsuited to being a warrior, could have the have the courage and heart of the greatest heroes, - Maybe even greater courage considering his blatant ineptitude! - as evidenced by his unthinking act that saved a child's life while maybe having cost him his legs. Yet even with his own worries, he could rise above them to show his concern for a friend. "She'll be fine Joxer." She assured him, "You know Xena, tough as old boots. She just needs some rest."
"Sure?" he questioned, concern still evident.
She smiled a little more convincingly as she made a decision, "We'll make sure, Joxer, won't we."
His face brightened at being included by her, "You betcha!" he agreed, "She'll soon be up and around ...." he swallowed convulsively as his thoughts traitorously reminded him he wouldn't, and his eyes wandered over his splinted legs.
"You will be too, Joxer. Can't keep a good man down. Besides, we're gonna need you." And while Joxer was trying to combat his urge to blush at her words, she bent down and kissed him in a sisterly fashion upon the forehead, turning him into a brilliant red beacon.
"Aw Gabby!" he squirmed with alternate embarrassment and delight.
The bard glanced up in time to see Toris look hurriedly away from his position at the door where he had just entered. "Perfect timing," muttered Sheraya grabbing her queen's arm and steering her towards the door and motioning her to precede her.
Gabrielle was a little puzzled with Sheraya's comment and insistence upon movement, but she decided that she'd find out what was going through the healer's mind soon enough ... and if she wasn't satisfied, well she'd learnt some pretty useful tricks from Xena about intimidation, over the years and was sure that she could find out one way or another. She smiled at Toris as she squeezed past him and caught the hint of a grin in return. Then she leaned against the doorpost to wait for the healer who had returned to the foot of the dark warrior's cot.
"While your brother's here, I'm taking Queen Gabrielle to get something to eat. We could both do with some fresh air and a change of scenery. While we're gone, I expect you to remain in that bed," Sheraya instructed bluntly ... hoping her sharp words would get some sort of reaction from her patient, whom she was beginning to become very concerned about.
When Xena made no comment, or movement, she growled brusquely, "Right, I'm glad we understand each other." She turned and headed for the door, stopping only to impart a quiet order to Toris that the bard didn't catch, before telling him in a firm no-nonsense voice, "She's not to get out of the bed for any reason, understand? She's not strong enough to give you any problems, so just hold her down and yell for help if she tries something stupid, alright?"
"Understood," agreed Toris ... moving across the room to sit on the chair beside Xena's bed. "Hey sis," he offered, trying to get her to at least look at him. "How are things going?"
He frowned when she never moved, just continued to stare blankly at the wall. A worried frown crept onto his face ... Sheraya was right ... they had a problem.
The two women made their way to a clear space on the deck, clutching a mug of tea each in one hand and some hard bread and cheese in the other. Sitting down at the base of the mast, Gabrielle tried to keep her impatience from showing, but was finally unable to wait any longer. Taking a deep breath she asked pointedly, "What's this about, Sheraya .. and just what is going on with Xena?"
The healer took a sip of her tea and allowed the sun's rays to soak into her. She hadn't been out of that cabin in what seemed like days .. the trip down to the hold to see her sister's body safely interred in the casket that had been built to take her body home, not really counting.
The bard fidgeted as she waited with growing impatience for an answer. She realised that Sheraya had a lot on her mind at the moment ... but then so did she. The young queen felt the guilt of one of her Amazons losing her life during a mission to save her and her exiled champion ... but that same champion seemed to be acting very oddly just now and that was worrying her as nothing in this whole sorry mess had yet been able to. Xena was big strong and tough ... nothing troubled her. -Yet? - Gabrielle admitted reluctantly, - Yet I saw fear in her eyes .. fear and doubt! -
Just when the bard thought she was going to have to remind the healer of her questions, Sheraya started to talk in a soft, voice. "You know, over the years I have treated just about everyone in Themiscyra. Not just the warriors, but the craftswomen, the farmers, the traders and the children ... one and all I've treated their hurts and their illness'"
The honey blonde waited to see where the healer was going with this train of thought. Although she didn't know her well, she had heard enough about Sheraya to know that she rarely spoke about something without a valid reason. She chewed a mouthful of bread and schooled herself to patience.
"Generally, I only have to deal with physical ailments. It's not unheard of for an Amazon to have trouble keeping track of reality ... but it doesn't happen too often. It's something that happens in any society."
Gabrielle knew that that bit of information had nothing to do with Xena ... her friend's grasp on reality was as strong as ever, she'd have known if it wasn't ... she was sure she would.
"Then occasionally, we healers have had to deal with depressions that people sometimes get. Generally, it's a case of giving the person an ear to talk to and, as often as not, they'll work out what's wrong themselves and do something to change their lives so that they no longer suffer from whatever was causing the problem."
A puzzled look stole over the bard's face as she listened, - Could Xena be depressed? I've never known her to be in the past. Guilty, maybe. She carries her guilt like a weight across her shoulders ... that could make her depressed. Is that what Sheraya's talking about? -
"Then we get to treat the warriors. The one's that take bad wounds in battle that end their career's as fighters. Often, those women have never even thought of being able to do something else with their lives. Being a warrior, defending the nation and their loved ones, were all they ever wanted for their lives. When it's taken away from them, they feel unable to cope with their world. Many seem to shrivel up inside themselves and waste away, no matter what we try to do to help them. Not all, by any means ... not even most, but many."
- Xena would never give in like that! - the bard told herself firmly. - Besides which, she survived all that Caesar could throw at her and escaped his clutches. There's no reason for her to doubt her self or worth. - Shaking her head in bewilderment about what the healer was trying to say she demanded, "What has that got to do with Xena?"
"Just this my Queen," Sheraya began, "The Warrior Princess is a proud warrior. She has always been able to stand up to her enemies and defeat them on her own terms."
"As she did against Caesar," Gabrielle pointed out.
"No .. not this time. Xena had to endure whatever Caesar handed out to her because of her desire to protect you, my Queen. I'm guessing that when this kind of thing happens on your travels, she is able to find someway of extracting you both from the situation with her skills?"
"Yes," agreed the bard.
"This time, not only was she unable to keep you from all harm, she also had no part in rescuing you and, in fact, had to be rescued herself. All of these things would weigh heavily upon her sense of ability to be able to protect someone she loves and thus diminishes her view of her self worth ... particularly in her weakened state ... particularly as we have no real clear idea exactly what she suffered whilst in Caesar's hands ... do you understand?"
"Yes ... but ...." tried Gabrielle, unsure what to say or what she needed to do. A tear pearled in her eye.
"I think that your champion might just be feeling more than a little hemmed in. I'm guessing from what I saw in Themiscyra that she's not keen on crowds and isn't to comfortable around people for long?"
The bard smiled at that description, "I think you could say that," she agreed.
"So the fact that for about the last three or four moons she's been locked up, surrounded by guards and watched at all times has really got to be wearing on her," pointed out the healer.
"Now that you mention it, I'm surprised that she's been as patient as she has," acknowledged Gabrielle. "What can we do to help her, Sheraya? After what she's been through we can't just let her shrivel up inside."
The healer gave a brief smile and patted her queen's leg in a friendly gesture, "I'm sure that now we are aware there's a problem, we'll be able to work something out." She thought for a moment or two, finishing off her lunch as she did so, "I think that we'll clear the infirmary of all but maybe Eponin and Joxer this afternoon. Jaya and Farand are on the mend and will probably heal quicker in the open air now. The hard part will be to keep from fussing over your warrior, make her realise that she's not under constant observation. But I think you're going to have to try and find a way to convince her that she hasn't failed anyone .. you and herself in particular."
The bard nodded thoughtfully. She'd get through to Xena, somehow. A devious smile sneaked across her face, "Sheraya ... I've got an idea," she told the healer with a laugh.
