He scowled belligerently at his drink, barely noticing as the last of the Amazon group left the mess deck. Normally the friendly warriors would have sat with him and flirted, but his mood of the moment seemed to preclude any social interaction, instead driving the women out with his sullen moroseness when they'd tried to approach him.
As the oak portal closed behind the last of them, he raising his mug and tilted it slightly towards the door before calling out in a slurred voice, "Thanksh for the comp'ny! 'Preciate it!" He then took several deep gulps of the burning liquor draining the cup before slamming it back on the table, smacking his lips and demanding of the empty room, "Wha' do I have t'do t'get 'nother drink here?"
Lurching to his feet he wove his way a trifle unsteadily across the cabin to the locker where the hard spirits were kept. Even in his inebriated state it was little more than the work of a moment for the King of Thieves to remove the heavy padlock. He peered intently at the small kegs and bottles that were housed within the cabinet, shaking his head a little to try and clear the fuzziness that seemed to be doubling the image of what he was looking at. Finally seeing a bottle that attracted his attention, he extracted it and peered carefully at the label before smacking his lips and breathing, "Ah, port! Jus' the tipple to toas' the lady's happ'ness!"
Shuffling backwards in a rocking stagger, he complained loudly, "Shumone hold the boat, hic, shteady!"
He peered back at his bottle and carefully started to reach towards the cork when a very large hand reached over his shoulder and plucked the liquor away. He blinked foolishly at his empty fingers for a moment or two before exclaiming angrily, "Hey! Who sht ... who sht ... who took my booze!"
Autolycus swung around staggering a little as he did so, searching for the culprit, A noise behind him at the locker had him swinging back, on tottering legs, to see Hercules replacing the bottle, putting the lock back and then using his phenomenal strength to squeeze the lock mechanism into seizure, making certain that the only person going to be able to get in there was himself.
"What'sh the big idea!" demanded the thief full of pugnacious hostility.
"I think you've had more than enough, Autolycus," the demi-god told him. "Why don't you go and sleep it off? Then later maybe you want to talk about what made you want to get stinking drunk," he offered, putting a friendly hand on the thief's shoulder.
"Get your handsh off me," snarled the rogue belligerently, staggering away from Hercules' steadying hand. "I got nothin' to say to you!" He glared furiously at the big man, "Now jus gimme m'bottle and get the Tartarus away from me!"
"Sorry," apologised the son of Zeus insincerely, "Can't do that, my friend."
"I'm not ya frien'!" fumed Autolycus. "Frien's don't go sneakin' aroun' behind frien's backs."
Hercules looked totally bemused, "I have no idea what you're talking about, Autolycus. Did you hit your head?" he asked concerned, trying to get a look at the other man's head.
The thief slapped the big man's hands away furiously, his anger beginning to clear some of the alcohol fumes from his brain, "I said get your handsh off me!" he yelled. "Who do you think you are? Jus' cos you're Zeus' son doesn't give you no rights to touch me. Save it for shum .. someone who gives a damn!"
The demi-god shook his head in amazement, "What in Hades has gotten into you Autolycus?"
"Nothin'," growled the other man angrily. "Or maybe I'm seeing you for what you really are."
Hercules leaned back onto the oak table and crossed his arms across his chest, "And just what would that be?" he asked calmly.
The King of Thieves whirled on him. His brown eyes, that normally sparkled with mischief blazed with wrath, "You're a user, Hercules!" he shouted. "You use the people that you call your friends. They are an adornment to the brilliance of the son of Zeus. You play with us and get what you want from us and then like toys you put us back in our boxes."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Autolycus. You've definitely had too much to drink." said the big man with a suppressed chuckle.
The thief stepped into the demi-god's personal space and poked him hard in the chest, "I'll tell you what I'm talking about!" he shouted, poking Hercules again.
"Hey! cut it out Autolycus," objected the tawney haired giant.
Poking the broad chest again, the thief continued, "I'm talking about the way you've had two wives and carelessly lost both of them to your godly family." He poked again harder.
"That's enough," growled Hercules, not liking what he was hearing. The deaths of Deianeira and Serena remained livid wounds scored across his heart ... even if Autolycus was the only one who could remember his marriage to the Golden Hind, thanks to their adventure with the Chronos Stone. The thief was playing with fire.
"Now," continued the dark haired rogue jabbing the chest once again and failing to heed the warning from the demi-god, "Now you're doing it again. You're exposing someone else to the wrath of Hera and Ares and the others." Another jab punctuated the sentence.
"I said cut it out!" rumbled the son of Zeus.
Autolycus was on a roll and his alcohol fuelled anger was pushing him past the bounds of good sense. He thrust his index forward into the chest of the big man again, "Well I don't intend to stand back while you get her hurt or killed."
He started another prod but his hand was caught and held in a vice like grip as Hercules' normally mild blue eyes bored into his brown, "That's enough, Autolycus. Sober up before you do or say something that's going to get you hurt."
The thief glared at him before jerking his hand loose, "I'm not scared of you, Hercules," he told the demi-god coldly. "I don't care if you are the strongest man alive ... what can you do to me? Kill me? Well somehow I think that would be a relief at the moment after what you've already done."
"Do you want to tell me what you're raving about before I knock you unconscious so that you can sleep this off? I'd just lock you up, but you have this knack of getting past locks," the big man tried to inject some humour to take the sting out of the situation, but he could tell the thief wasn't about to be cajoled out of his foul mood.
Autolycus ignored the weak jest and changed the focus of his tirade, "Are you going to marry her?" he demanded.
"I'm sorry? You lost me there buddy. Marry who?" asked the tawny haired hero innocently .. although he was beginning to guess what the problem was now.
"Jus' what I thought!" snarled the thief, "Use her then walk away. What a hero .. a real daddy's boy!" he sneered.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Autolycus," the demi-god replied, his tone low and dangerous as he winced internally at the jibe that likened his love life to his Father's sexual proclivities.
"Don't I?" questioned the rogue, his voice filled with contempt. "I know what you've been doing for the last few candlemarks, Herc ol' buddy!" he snarled angrily. "In fact you're lucky I knew where you were and what you were doing or you'd have had an audience of about ten Amazons." He glared at the hero who had the grace to look embarrassed. "So don't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. You're toying with the love of one of the finest women I know .. and I take great exception to that! Great exception!"
Hercules gave him a long look as silence settled heavy between them. The King of Thieves turned away from his rival and ran his fingers through his short dark hair, trying to get a grasp on his anger and frustration. He moved across the cabin and slumped heavily on to a bench and resumed his brooding, accusatory gaze at the demi-god.
At last Hercules said, "You love her?"
"Of course I love her, you moron! But that's not the point is it? She's in love with you .. so what are you going to do about it? Marry her?"
"No," answered the demi-god quietly.
"Gods damn you, Hercules!" swore the thief lurching to his feet and advancing towards the other man once more.
"I think they did that long ago, my friend," the hero said too quietly for the rogue to hear.
"I just knew you were using her!" he shouted, irate indignation plain in his words.
"It's none of your business, Autolycus," the son of Zeus told him coldly. "What happens between Xena and me is our private affair."
The King of Thieves gave him a look full of contemptuous loathing, "That's just it, isn't it. To you it's just a casual fling. Ships that pass in the night on occasion. Well listen, buddy boy," he emphasised with a stiff fingered poke again, ignoring the scowl that descended on his companion's brow, "while you're dangling her on one of your strings you're denying her the chance to find happiness with someone who doesn't come weighed down with a load of dangerous baggage."
Hercules grabbed Autolycus' hand again and squeezed, allowing some of the anger and frustration that was assailing him to escape, "I've asked you not to do that .. now I'm telling you!" he growled. He saw the pain register in the thief's eyes before adding, "Keep your nose out of my business, Autolycus." He shoved the other man back releasing his hand as he did so and turned for the door to leave, knowing that he needed to get away from the rogue, before more things were said and done that would drive a wedge into their friendship.
Anger raging out of control, the thief grabbed the bench he'd backed into and swung it with all the strength he could muster at the demi-god, hitting Hercules with a thundering force born of the pain and frustration of his unrequited love.
The heavy wood shattered across broad shoulders causing the son of Zeus to stagger forward and collide solidly with the cabin door. Any normal man would have been unconscious for many candlemarks from such a blow. However, the tawney haired giant pushed himself away from the door and shook his head slightly to clear his vision before turning to confront the thief, who was now completely sober.
"Oh Tartarus!" swore the thief softly as he registered the ire on Hercules' face.
The demi-god had smarted with the disappointment of Xena's rejection of his suit, and his conversation with Autolycus had opened some nasty festering sores that dripped burning acid on his conscience. Added to that was the knowledge that the King of Thieves was waiting around for the chance to pursue and win the woman of his dreams. And the sum total along with the thief's impetuous assault, led to one very annoyed big man ready to let off some steam.
Throwing one of the heavy tables across the doorway to ensure some privacy, Hercules rounded on his companion, "You asked for it," growled the hero angrily swinging a meaty right fist that the thief clumsily dodged away from.
- Oh boy! - Autolycus shook his head, suddenly very aware of what he'd done. - Now I remember why I don't get drunk! - he told himself.
He still wasn't too happy with the demi-god .. jealousy and frustration over Xena's affections ran rampant through him and they weren't going to be quashed by a little fear for his personal safety. He swallowed hard as he made a dive under the long mess table and popped up on the other side with it's reassuring bulk between him and Hercules, - Well not totally anyway, - he decided.
"You started this Autolycus ... now stand still and take what's coming like a man," snarled the angry hero. Hercules knew that he shouldn't be taking out his disappointment on the thief who, in his own way was hurting as much as he was. But Autolycus had pushed the issue and, since there wasn't any other way to vent his misery over Xena's rejection of his proposal, he was willing to use the situation to let off a little steam.
He had no real intention of hurting the rogue, just give himself a workout and run the alcohol out of the thief's system. The trouble was, Autolycus didn't know when enough was enough and continued to throw taunts at the big man, while bobbing and weaving away from his dangerous fists.
"You know, big guy! It's really not surprising that you can't keep a woman around you," baited the thief.
"Oh yeah?" snapped Hercules as he lunged at his tormentor across the table, but missed the nimble footed man who danced back out of reach.
"Yeah," insisted Autolycus, knowing that he was playing with fire but unable to keep a lid on his feelings. "You see not only do they have to face having to survive against certain members of your family ..." He grunted as he ducked franticly beneath the demi-god's fist.
"Hold still, damn you!" growled Hercules his annoyance plain.
"But they'd also have to compete with that king sized heroic ego of yours," the thief told him as he swayed to one side to avoid another lunge.
"Not like yours, you mean," snorted the son of Zeus, "I don't exactly see the women falling over themselves to marry you either, Autolycus. Maybe that 'king sized' ego of yours frightens them off too. I mean, there just wouldn't be room in the marriage bed for you, it and a wife, would there?"
"Why you over muscled slab of beefcake!" retorted the King of Thieves stung into renewed anger. "You only manage to attract any female attention because your family connections make you exotic. If you were just a normal guy, like me or Iolaus, you'd barely attract the time of day .. you have no charm or class, Hercules .. and muscle can only take you so far!"
"You think you're better for Xena?" demanded the demi-god furiously.
"I know I am!" snapped back the thief, "And I intend to prove it!"
"Just how do you think you're going to do that?" roared Hercules, beginning to surrender to the jealousy he was feeling at the thought of a rival for Xena's affections.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me .. eventually," Autolycus told him with strained dignity.
"Over my dead body!" shouted Hercules as he shoved the table with awesome force, driving it back to trap his rival between it and the cabin wall.
Autolycus winced as he found himself trapped and within reach of an angry demi-god. - Okay big mouth .. you got us into this, now say something to calm him down! - "Well I'm sure that can be arranged!" he snapped back, "You have enough enemies with the power to pull that off ... I'm sure I can get one of them to oblige!" - Smooth Autolycus .. why don't you just open a vein and be done with it! - he sneered at himself.
"Why you ....!" shouted Hercules throwing a right that cracked into the thief's jaw leaving his friend seeing stars.
"WHAT IN THE BLAZING DEPTHS OF TARTARUS IS GOING ON HERE?!" demanded a thunderous voice as the cabin door burst open, shoving the heavy table away with tremendous force!
The eyes of two guilty men, one set very unfocussed, swivelled to where a furious looking Xena stood looking at them with an icy eyed glare.
Gabrielle was not happy. She glared balefully at Raedwulf and Ossian who stood before her with heads hung low at their failure to carry out their assignment. "I just can't believe that you neglected your orders just to watch whales!" she growled at them.
Ephiny stood behind her shaking her head. Both she and the bard had been just as guilty of succumbing to that particular distraction .. as had just about everyone else on the ship. For a somewhat isolated, land orientated people, the sight of the whales had been an undeniable draw and had provided the perfect cover for Xena to slip off by herself and indulge in whatever forbidden form of exercise she had chosen for herself.
That had been some candlemarks ago. Since then, groups of Amazons had been scouring the ship to find the AWOL Warrior Princess, with orders to return her to the infirmary to face a very unhappy Amazon Queen, whose only current available target for her frustrated ire were the two Amazons who'd allowed their charge to slip off. The fact that no trace had been found of Xena .. even in the crowsnest .. had not helped to improve the bard's temperament.
- Alright Xena .. I know you're making a point here. You've given the best warrior's the Amazons have got a lesson in avoidance and stealth in the confined space of a small ship. You, in your own sweetly unsubtle way, are telling me that you are more than recovered enough to run rings around Eph's warriors. - she mentally sighed realising that it was time to concede that her warrior was fit enough to be released from the healers.
Turning back to Wulf and Ossie she told them moodily, "Alright. Call off the search details. You aren't going to find her unless she wants to be found. I think we can safely say that she's well on the road to recovery, so you two and the others might as well report back to Malonda for regular duty."
The two warrior's saluted and left the cabin, relieved that they were finally being released from their Queen's presence. Gabrielle shook her head and started to turn back towards Ephiny when a very well known voice purred smoothly, "I'm glad you're finally seeing sense."
"Xena!" growled the bard, turning to find the Warrior Princess ensconced on her bed. She threw a look at the open stern light behind her friend and frowned, "Just where have you been?" she demanded, noting the healthy glow that seemed to radiate from the raven haired beauty. "And since when isn't the door good enough for use?"
The Warrior Princess stifled a rogue grin and hoisted a imperious eyebrow at her friend, "I've been ... taking in, um, the sights," she swallowed a chuckle before it could take hold, feeling in a ridiculously good mood for some reason. "As for the door, well it seems that there were these Amazons everywhere, and I really didn't want to spoil whatever they were doing .. so the window seemed ...."
"Alright Xena!" interrupted the honey blonde, throwing up her hands in defeat. "I get the idea. I'll stop the mother hen impersonation ... I know when I'm beaten." She wagged a finger at the smirking woman, "Just remember I was only doing it for your own good. You have a habit of trying to save the world when you're half dead and I'm not going to stand back and let you do it any more." She shot an inquisitive look at the warrior, "Just what have you been doing all this time?" she asked, although she had a pretty good idea what she'd been doing and even who with ... the chance to make Xena squirm a little didn't come along too often and she'd be hanged if she was going to pass it up.
Xena knew that there was a slight tinge of colour forming around the slave collar that still graced her neck. Her skin was paler than normal after all the time she'd spent in the cabin, and blushes were more apparent. Gabrielle's eyes were firmly upon her and she knew that the bard's sharp eyes had detected the flush of pink that had briefly appeared. She tried an imperious arching of an eyebrow in the forlorn hope that the honey blonde would back off. When she had a brow arched at her in return she tried for offhand avoidance of the question.
"You wouldn't be interested," she ventured knowing that the bard would be very interested along with the very quiet occupants of them room. She was well aware of Ephiny and Eponin's direct stares, Joxer's bemused interest, as well as Sheraya and Patroclese's guarded attention as they sat in the corner going through their supply of medications.
"Try me," grinned the bard, not ready to let her warrior companion off the hook so easily.
Xena took a breath, "I've been inspecting ..um some of the ships spare equipment," she came up with what she thought was an inspired answer, knowing that she could give more detail if required.
Gabrielle nodded her head as if accepting the answer, but just as the warrior began to relax she asked, "Just what kind of equipment was that? .. Tackle? Spars? that kind of thing?"
The Warrior Princess gave the younger woman a sharp look. - She knows! Or at least she thinks she does! - Her eyes narrowed as she answered carefully, "Uh huh ... that and the spare sails. Canvass needs to be checked out occasionally. I figured that Nebula might be a little busy, what with a green crew and all, to do some of the more irregular tasks like that."
"Hmmm. That makes sense," acknowledged the bard agreeably. Well aware that Ephiny had slapped her hand across the Weapons Master's mouth to stop Eponin from making any side comments about this rather odd little conversation. She swallowed down a chuckle that was threatening to force itself out and concentrated on the defensive posture that Xena's body language and eyes were assuming. - She thinks I know what she's been doing, - she grinned mentally. - Well I know that she knows that she thinks I know that I think I know what she's been doing. Heh! Paybacks are such a bitch! -
Smiling sweetly she asked, almost from out of the blue, "What did Hercules think .. about the condition of the canvass?"
Xena swallowed convulsively and shot a warning look that promised death to the two Amazon's two her left. Ephiny was struggling to hold back the laughter that was threatening to engulf her, while she maintained her 'gagging' of Poni who looked about to go into convulsions. "Hercules?" she tried to ask nonchalantly although it came out more like a guilty growl.
Gabrielle nodded while biting her lip as she struggled to maintain her control, "Uh yeah. Hercules. You see as he went missing .. oh around about the same time as you .. I kind of guessed that you might be .. um inspecting equipment .. together."
That was too much for Ephiny who erupted into gales of laughter, releasing Eponin to do the same. Both Amazons had tears of laughter rolling down their cheeks and both the healers on the far side of the cabin were laughing right along with them. When Joxer asked, "What's so funny about inspecting equipment?" the laughter just intensified and even the baleful glare emanating from the ex-Destroyer of Nations did nothing to quell the mirth.
"Gabrielle!" she growled tensely as the bard's own tears of laughter streamed down her face, "It's not funny!" snarled Xena.
Struggling to control herself, the bard leaned forward and between the bursts of uncontrollable hilarity she said softly, "Remember Menassos?" she asked with a wicked grin. She saw comprehension dawn in the warrior's eyes as her memory replayed the image of an embarrassed bard trying to explain why she'd been talking to herself in the midst of a crowd of people. "Told ya I'd get you back."
"Just remember, my bard, that my memory is long and there's plenty of rivers and lakes out along the road," she grinned wolfishly.
"You wouldn't," stated Gabrielle unconvincingly and swallowed when Xena's grin broadened into a humourless smile.
"Xena!" came a worried voice from the cabin doorway, that immediately cut through the humour of the moment. Eyes turned to an agitated Toris, "You better come quick. I think Hercules is going to kill Autolycus!"
