CHAPTER 6

STAND FIRM

When I was about twenty, something was wrong with me. I was taking care of my house and everything, but I just did not feel right. I went to the doctor, and he said I had malaria fever. He said people had gotten it in the war and had brought it to the United States. He started treating me. He was giving me shots for malaria.

There was a little house behind me where Abraham's wife Virgie's sister lived. Savana Ann, Virgie's sister, started baby sitting and helping me, because I was sick. I was going to the doctor, but I was not improving. The doctor was running a lot of tests because I had not felt good in almost a year. About the time I was twenty one, they decided I had Undulant Fever. I had an old doctor book and I looked it up. It sounded exactly as what I had. I had all of the symptoms. I would feel good in the morning, but the afternoons and evenings were awful. I hired Savana Ann to stay with me full time. She would go home in the morning, and she would be with me every afternoon. I could not function at all by evening. I weighed ninety seven pounds before I recovered.

I was going to the doctor every day for my shots. The drug store was next door to the doctor's office. I would go to the drug store and pick up the medicine every day and take it to the doctor. He would give me a shot, and I would take it back to the drug store. I do not know why they did it that way, but they did.

I would walk around the neighborhood some. Savana would go with me and help me with the kids. We would walk to Manson's Store and around some. Mrs. Manson was very concerned about me because I was getting so thin. She would say she wondered if I was just going to get so thin I would just fly away. That really made me feel good! They would burn the garbage behind the store. That would worry me, because of kids playing in the neighborhood.

About six months before Gary was born I was getting ready to mop the kitchen when I had a problem. Blood was running down my legs. I called an ambulance and they took me to Pine Street hospital in Texarkana. The doctors there said I did not have much of a chance, and that there was no chance at all for Gary. They kept my head low and my feet very high while I was in the hospital. When I finally got out Savana and her mother and a nurse part of the time, was with me. I was billed for a miscarriage. The doctor said for sure that the baby was gone. However, six months later on July 6, 1948, Gary was born. He was very small but he was all right. That was another close call in my life.

Texarkana was now a very busy town. Broad Street was full of people. At times you could not cross the street on the light because it was so busy. People were always in town. The theaters and stores were always crowded. I was twenty one and had three children.

In 1949, when Gary was about a year old, I had to go to the doctor for treatments for ulcers of the female organs. I had to have some kind of electric treatments. By now I had three babies. Soon after this I began to gain strength. Pat and Paul were in school by now, and I spent a lot of time there with them as a room mother. I would work in the yard a lot. I sometimes felt I was taken advantage of, but at other times I felt I could handle my life pretty well. I started to feel my independence. I still wished I had parents or some one near to help me, and take up for me, and be with me in sickness and trouble. The Undulant Fever had left me with Anemia and I had to take liver shots and eat calf liver once or twice a week.

December twenty third that year was a dark time. The kids were all involved in church activities and everyone was preparing for Christmas. Abraham, Virgie's husband, was driving a truck for Miller County. He was in the truck and was hit by a train. He was killed instantly. We all went out there and it was just a horrible sight. Virgie had four babies, and her husband was killed. The funeral was December twenty sixth, the day after Christmas. It seemed the entire town was sad. The Manson's said he had just been to the store. It was pay day and he and Virgie were going Christmas shopping. But he never got back.

I was considering going to Alabama because my grandmother had told me she was afraid she had cancer. The symptoms she had did not look good, and she was worried about it. I was beginning to want to spend some time with her. I was worried about her. Mama and daddy had moved to Paris, Tennessee. I was going to visit them when I got the word about Abraham. After that I did not go anywhere.

I used to wish I could cook some of the things my mother used to cook. I would remember things that she would cook. She would take a bunch of eggs and make gravy and make what she called egg gravy. That would make the eggs go farther when eggs were scarce. She would do the same thing with bologna. She had a way of making things stretch when there really was not enough food. She would use a can of salmon and make salmon gravy. She could make it taste so good. I missed these things. I was too far away now and I missed them.

It did not seem to matter how many times my mother got mad at me. She would really pull my hair. It hurt so bad. Sometimes she would slap me, and it seemed my ears would ring. She would slap me before I knew it and she would say it was for my smart mouth. She never spanked me, but she would slap me. It seems she never learned to show love and to be affectionate. She would not touch or kiss me. I knew she loved me, but she did not know how to show it. Her mother was the same way. She would do things for us, but she never learned to show physical love.

It seemed I had always been owned. I wanted to live alone and be independent. I had been abused both emotionally and physically many times while living in Texarkana, and I just wanted to be on my own. By the time I was twenty five I had a beautiful yard. I had something blooming every month of the year. The kids were little, but they would help me in the yard.

Pat was ten-years-old by now and Paul was eight. Gary was about four. I decided to go and spend some time with my grandmother because she was dying, and I had not been able to visit her as much as I would have liked to. The kids were so young and I had been sick. Now I had enough strength to work in the yard and work in the house. I would paint the house. I hired it done and I watched how they did it. From then on I would paint it. I used an electric lawn mower and cut the grass. I would walk back and forth to the bus, so I got plenty of walking. Pat had a pet calf and we got a man nearby to take the calf to his house and keep it until we got back. She had raised it with a bottle and it was her pet. She named it Frisky Nancy. We made our plans and went on the Greyhound bus to where my dad was pastor of a church at Clanton, Alabama. Norm (we had begun to call Norman LaHue, Norm) had married a girl from there and they had moved to Chicago.

We were to change buses in Birmingham. We got on the bus there to continue our trip. It seemed we had traveled a long time to get to Clanton. When we got to Montgomery I thought something was wrong. We finally got to Clayton, Alabama. That was not where we were supposed to be. I was there in the wrong town with three little kids. There would not be a bus back to Clanton until the next day. I was about to panic. We did not have money to spend time in Clayton.

The people of Clayton showed so much sympathy for us. The man who owned the hotel took us and told me there was not a thing to worry about. The people of the town just took over and treated us like royalty. They wanted us to know we were welcome there and they wanted us to enjoy our time there. He said we would get the right bus in the morning and it would not cost us anything. The next day they put us on the bus and took care of us in every way. As I look back on it that is just the way things were then. People would help each other and there really was nothing to worry about. Patsy has always loved the memory of the wrong town.

We continued our journey to Clanton. My parents were living in a parsonage next to the church. When we got there nobody was home. We learned from some of the church members that they had gone to Spruce Pine. They had been notified that my grandmother was dying, and they had gone to Spruce Pine to see her.

I opened a window and went in the house. Some of the members came to the house and they could not do enough for us. We called my dad, and he said he would be there to pick us up. In the meantime, the members were taking care of us and making sure that their pastor's daughter was really treated well. They prepared and brought food for us and just could not do enough.

Daddy picked us up and we went on to Spruce Pine. By the time we arrived my grandmother was really bad. She was in so much pain. She hardly knew she was in the world. I wondered why she was not in the hospital. She had been dismissed and sent home to die. I could not understand why it was this way, but that was the way it was done.

I felt so sorry for her and for my grandfather. It was a terrible time for him. He looked so sad and so drawn. I could not imagine that one of them would ever die. We stayed until after the funeral. It was hard to leave my granddad, but we had to go home. It was almost time for school to start and Pat had her pet calf to return to. It was the time of the year when things had to be done. I notified the lady who had my key that I would be staying another week. However, we did not stay.

My grandparents had a television set. I had never seen television because Texarkana did not have a television station. The picture was black and white and snowy. To me it was perfect, because I had never seen television before. It was just a great thing. I decided then, that if Texarkana got a television station, I was going to buy a television set.

My grandmother died in August 1953. We returned to Texarkana at three a.m. one week earlier than expected. I went next door to get my key. The lady who was supposed to have my key told me that she did not have a key. She said Herman had come by and gotten it. There was no reason for anyone to get my key, but he had. She told me where to go to get the key. She said Herman was with the lady who rented our house near the gravel pit. I went over there and I found all of them drunk. I could not even talk to them. I demanded my key. I pulled the renter of Herman's, who paid no rent, out of the car and I told them I wanted them out of the car so I could get my key. Finally, Herman got my key. I did not know what condition I had left them in, but I had my key, and I did not care how they were. I had fought before and I just did not even think about what could happen.

I returned to the house and we all went in. Mrs. Cornwall was still with the kids. I called the man who we allowed to keep Patsy's pet calf while we were gone. He would only tell us the calf was not there. It was so cruel and so awful. We never found out what happened to her calf. I would always believe her pet was sold.

A lot of strange things happened in Texarkana. I kept my lawyer informed of what was going on. He was aware of most things that went on in my life. I had made my attorney aware of the other women, beginning with the woman in China. Herman told me he had an affair while in the China-Burma-India area. He said it lasted for two years. I do not know if she came to the United States or not. Paul was 18-months-old when Herman told me. This was the first time he had seen Paul. My attorney was the only person I had told. At the time I was nineteen years old, and had two babies, and had been diagnosed as having Malaria Fever. I always felt the affair in China was something that affected him. He would sit by the fire for hours and stare into space, as if in deep thought.

One day Herman's business partner wheeled in my driveway and told me for me and the kids to take cover. He said Herman had turned into a wild man and was driving crazy by the gravel pit, taking curves on two wheels. I asked why, and he told me because he (the partner) allowed a black man to sit in the front seat of his (the partner's) pickup. I did not have time and I was still in the house when Herman flew in having a raging fit, yelling "That----that----idiot let a ------ ride in the seat with him." He was using the N word. I called the police to come protect me in case I got attacked. The police came and kept peace. They just sat there, and they made me feel safe. Herman did not care, anyway. He was never afraid of the police or anyone. When the police left, I took the kids and went out a few hours. I went to Aunt Louise's and Toby and Mazie's house.

I told my attorney all I knew and he had made suggestions to me, but I had not done anything about it.

We owned property in the country. I had never been out there, but I had been informed of what was going on. I had told my attorney all I knew. He kept everything on record. I knew that if I should decide to leave for good, the kids would be cut out of their support. I was not afraid for myself, but I had fear of what would happen to the kids. I could take care of myself, yet there was a little bit of fear there. I knew when I was working in Nashville, Tennessee I would flirt with the boys while at work. I never did anything wrong, however.

Sally and I had heard a lot of stories of things that had happened. We did not know if they were true, but we had no reason to doubt them. We had been told that Mrs. Waters and her brother had killed a man and put him in a well. We did not know who or when or where, but we did believe the story. We were too afraid to even check it out.

Mrs. Water's brother was supposed to have killed a black man because he called him a S.O.B. It was said he killed him there in the wagon yard on East Broad Street. I had seen enough of vicious things of the family to know it could be true, and I did not question it. They had us in fear.

Rick was born May 9, 1954, on Mothers Day. Patsy was a little girl, but she had learned to bake cakes. She wanted Rick to be a girl, and so did I. She baked a cake on the day we were dismissed from the hospital. The minute we saw that beautiful auburn haired baby we never wished he was a girl ever again!

This was the year Texarkana got a television station. I went right away and bought a big cabinet television. After I started watching television my eyes were opened to a lot of things that were happening in the world that I had never known before.

The kids all had curly hair except Paul. Paul had thick black pretty hair. Pat had curls. Gary had total ringlets. Rick had auburn hair with waves. When it started to grow it was little curls on the back of his neck. It was just beautiful.

Now there were four kids, and I had a new car. I had several good baby sitters, and I started going places and doing things I had not done before. I did not like

I would pack a lunch and we would all go to the drive in movies, or just drive around and have fun. I would take the kids with me. I had started to school, and of course, I would leave them with a sitter when I went to classes. If I just went to the movies or just out to have a good time, the kids went with me.

I had seen Herman's temper fly so many times I had good reason to have fear. My life had been threatened. I had seen windshields broken with a hammer, and a lot of things that let me know what could happen. I was told my kids and I would be killed if I ever left or stepped out. I was told my throat would be cut from ear to ear. I did not have any family members near. I was watched so closely it was even hard to have friends. For that reason, I had a hard time getting close to people. I was afraid. When I made up my mind though, things began to change.

When Rick was one year old, he was a beautiful baby. He was larger than the others. I was going to school at night. Every night there was a girl there that kept insisting I smoke a cigarette with her. I could remember trying snuff when I was a kid, and I wanted nothing to do with cigarettes. However, I finally tried them, and then I became a chain smoker. It seemed smoking a cigarette would give me peace and contentment.

All of the Sunday School class members thought the kids were adorable. They all made a fuss over the kids, and Gary, especially, was petted. A couple in the church, Heavy and Lena, would have Gary sit with them and they took him as a little grandchild or a nephew. They always petted him. In years to come, Gary would still visit them as visiting an uncle and aunt, or as grandparents.

I started to go to church and Sunday School less, but Pat was always there. She would not miss Sunday School. She went for some time after I stopped going. I would always think about that.

I had started to take up for myself and do the things I wanted to do. This caused things to just get worse at home. I had made up my mind no matter what happened I would not be knocked around, and I would stand up for what I believed. This caused things to happen to me. I was spied on through the window and I was walked in on. I really did not have any privacy. I was knocked across the kitchen into a shelf of dishes by Herman. It turned over on me. I could easily have been killed. There were so many things done to me. I could not talk on the phone without someone listening in. My calls were listened to and notes were made of my plans so I could be followed. We were on a party line, and Herman's friend, Mr. Commowith and a couple of others were on the same line.

I got a little stupid in those days. I started to do as I pleased. I did what I wanted and went where I wanted. I began to have friends that meant something to me that I could have fun with. I started talking more to my old friends like Joy and Ruthie. We all started going places together.

My next door neighbor was from the Philippines. She had married an American soldier and come to Texarkana from the Philippine Islands. She was divorced. Her husband had married again. She and her three small daughters lived next door to me. She and I got to going a lot of places together. We all had cars. She had the biggest and best car, but we all had cars. We would take turns driving, and we would all go places together. It was most of the times Joy and I. Sometimes all of us would go together. I started going anywhere I wanted. Sometimes I would just get out and drive. I have never been afraid to fight. When I was a kid I would fight. Sometimes I would get whipped, but I have never been afraid to fight. Now, I was really becoming a fighter, physically and legally.

In 1955, Rick was a year old and Gary was in the first grade. I was about twenty eight. I had a fight with a girl who lived behind me because I did not want them back there. I had helped fasten a can with a string with pine rosin on it under their trailer. After they were asleep I helped pull the string and the noise woke them. They came out with a shotgun. They discovered the string, and followed it to the garage above my house.

The next morning the daughter, about my age, came to my property to whip me. I beat her up. Of course, that was just a girl fight. Her mother called the police. The police came out and they got a bang out of it. No one got arrested. They told her they could not arrest just me, but they would have to arrest both of us for fighting. Finally, they did move.

I had decided to stand firm. I was not going to be led around by anybody anymore. Whatever the consequences, I was going to do what I wanted to do. My daddy, Herman, and my brother, Hershell, came to Texarkana because they had been contacted by Herman. Herman wanted them to help him make me drop all charges. Herman lived in Blue Island, Illinois. My brother was living in Chicago and my dad lived in Bruce, Mississippi. My sister, Jean, had eloped with a boy from Bruce, Mississippi, and they had a small son. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was to let Paul go to Illinois with them. He was to spend the summer and come back before school started. Daddy took our little dog home with him to care for. It was Paul's dog. The kids had not been away from me for any length of time. Now Paul had gone to Blue Island, Illinois.

While my Dad was in Texarkana he told me to stand firm and hold my ground, and be brave, and live my own life. He said if it came to it, I should cut all strings. There is always two sides to a story. While my Dad was at my house, he saw my side of the story. He said for me to stand firm. He said any time I did not, the problems would get worse. He said if it took not getting a penny and not having a cent, to stand firm. I told him what had happened, and he said he saw while he was there an attitude of jealousy and possession. He said with that attitude I would be unhappy all of my life. He gave me a good lecture and opened my eyes to a lot of things. When they left, they took Paul and his little dog. I regretted that immediately. I cried all night for Paul.

Jean was living in Chicago. She had divorced and married again. She had tried to get me to come to Chicago, but I thought Texarkana was the greatest place on earth. I had my friends there and I did not think I could ever stand to live anywhere else. I had a good reputation, and I could go and do the things I wanted to do there.

Mrs. Waters came often. She would take Pat shopping and buy things for the kids. The kids loved her, and I did not object to her coming. She would criticize me. She thought I should not go anywhere with my neighbor. I should not go anywhere with my friends. She thought I should stay home all the time. I was too thin, she said, and I should gain some weight. I weighed one hundred nineteen pounds. That was a perfect weight for my five feet five inch height. I should not wear tight slacks, or my skirts too short. I should not wear any makeup. It seemed I should not do any of the things that young people did. I never thought I had gone to extremes with any of that. It was rare that I wore any makeup. I wore what everyone else was wearing. I lived by myself, and I was going to do what I wanted to. However, she thought I was obligated because I went to Western Union every week and picked up support for the kids, and to run the house. I had felt that way, but I did not feel that way any more.

Pat would help me with the house work, but Paul was in Illinois, and I missed him. I wanted him home. I had notified my lawyer that I wanted him home.

I had seen a lot in my life. Nothing surprised me or shocked me. Sometimes I wondered if I was a hundred years old. In Alabama I had seen straw hats and corncob pipes. I had seen soaking biscuits. When we did not have something sweet we would take coffee and cold biscuits and make our own. We would soak biscuits in sweetened coffee, or we would put sugar on the biscuit after we soaked it. It was a good coffee cake. We called it soaking biscuits.

I thought about when Pat was little. I was staying at the Bray place in Spruce Pine with my parents. One day a distant cousin of my mother came by. My mother had white clothes in a wash pot of hot water. That was the way she washed clothes. The cousins were feuding with her. I was telling them off. They came over with a rag in their hand. They said the wash pot belonged to them. They turned over the wash pot and dumped her clothes on the ground. They were taking the empty pot next door to their house. I went after them and fought the two of them with all of my might. It all began when my little brother Norman had found a condom of theirs. He thought it was a balloon. I was so mad I saw red. It was because of their neglect. It was the first one I had seen in my life. My mother told me what it was and I was daring them out of the house. Now I was having tough times another way. My dad had talked to me, and I knew he had turned my worries over to the Lord. I just let him do that, and I went on my merry way.

Bea Bea, Joy, and sometimes Ruthie and I were running around together and taking the kids to things. I did not have any desire to talk to guys, or do anything like that. I had gone to Kay's Jewelers in Texarkana and bought myself an engagement and wedding ring several years prior. I did not want anyone to think I was trying to live any way except the way a married mother should live. I always wore the rings, because I did not want anyone to think I was not married. I guess I was wanting respect.

By now, I had ceased to worry so much about what people thought. I was considering having papers served on my husband in Blue Island. I did not actually want to leave Texarkana. It seemed I really did not know what I wanted to do. I was no longer fearful, but I just did not know what would happen later. I wanted to live and raise my kids. I really thought my throat would be cut from ear to ear, because Herman had always told me it would be if I left, met anyone else, or divorced.

Even though we had television now, I still loved to listen to the radio. I enjoyed listening to "My True Story" and "Queen for a Day". I especially wanted the radio when I was in the car. I loved to listen to the music of the fifties. I did not know how great it was then. As I look back, I know it will always be great music. My radio was always a big thing in my life.

There had been a time in Texarkana when everyone kept their windows covered at night. There had been several killings in the area and the entire town was afraid. There was a movie made later about it called "The Town That Dreaded Sundown." The mystery has never been solved. Now, I was covering my windows to avoid being peeped on at night again. I was wondering what there was in the world that I had not seen. But there was much more.

At one time Paul had some pet chickens. He had them all named. He would talk to them and play with them. There came a time when he was no longer the boss of the chickens. His dad was going to kill them. Paul was crying because his heart was breaking. Paul was made catch his pets. He had to catch the chickens so they could be killed. He was getting whipped because he was crying. I grabbed Paul and ran with him so things would not be worse than they were. The time I grabbed mama's switch and ran, flashed back.

Another time Gary and Rick were sitting in the floor playing, and I was watching television. I was sitting on a low stool. I had no idea anyone else was in the house. Gary was always a teaser. Rick was just a baby, and he grabbed Gary's hair. I did not pay it any attention, because babies will do that. Gary started yelling, and I still did not pay much attention. Herman walked in and pulled me all the way off the stool by the hair. I was in a daze. I was suddenly on the floor with a lot of head pain. I have always thought when I considered pulling anyone's hair, how that hurt. The flashback of Mama pulling my hair, too, would make me stop. Many times I would take the kids and go driving because I was afraid to be in the house.

I would get the kids when it looked stormy and we would get in the car and drive and park under a viaduct. A lot of people would do that. Thank goodness we never had a tornado. I often wonder what would have happened if we had a really bad storm while we were there.

I had less than a thousand dollars in a savings account, and I had made up my mind what I was going to do. Bea Bea, my neighbor, drove me in her Packard to see my lawyer. I had thought about it day and night. She had lived there a long time and she had seen what was going on. She had told me before to do something, but I wanted to make up my own mind. I had been living alone. I no longer wanted to live this way and be tied just for a support check every week. We went to the lawyer's office, and I told my attorney what I wanted to do. He told me I was doing the right thing, and that it would cost me five hundred dollars. I paid him then and he started legal proceedings. The papers were to be served on Herman in Blue Island, Illinois. He said if it became necessary, he would get a court order to guarantee my privacy and safety. He had to do just that, too. He said he would do whatever had to be done for my safety. I had made the move, and I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I had no idea then what hell I was to go through. Little did I know the fear I was going to face, and little did I know the threats on my life would become worse, and I would be treated worse than I had ever been treated in my life. I did know I was ready to face whatever I had to face to be free. I knew my friends would stick by me.

Bea Bea came in with me when we got home, and we sat in the kitchen and drank tea. Our kitchen windows were window to window. We could watch each other, and watch each others kids. She had nothing to fear, but she knew I did. I had good neighbors behind me. They would baby sit and their daughter, Sherry, was Pat's friend. That night, as we sat in the kitchen and drank tea and made a pot of coffee, I knew as well as I knew I was living, that I was going to be a changed person, and I was starting a new life, and nothing was going to turn me around.

I woke the next morning to a beautiful sunrise. I walked out on my little back porch and watched the sun come up, and I thought, I believe in God, and I know God watches over my kids and me. I missed Paul, and I had asked my lawyer to get him home to me immediately. He had been gone most of the summer. I knew in my heart that God was by my side and I had always been a child of His. I knew some way the Lord would see me through and bring me closer to Him in my daily life. Since that day in Spruce Pine when I was about twelve years old and I walked up and I accepted Him, I knew that regardless of what I had done and what wrong things I might do, I was His and there was something in my heart forever. I felt the closeness as I looked at the morning sunrise. I looked at the sky and I had a tear and I said, "Lord, be with me forever and forever." With that tear I felt Him so near to me as if he talked to me in a plain voice. That still voice in my heart told me that He would never leave me. He would never forsake me. He would always be with me, and whatever comes and whatever goes, He would never forsake me. I knew He never would.

I knew my parents were in the little town of Bruce, Mississippi. I knew I was always on their mind, as all of the kids were. I knew when they bowed their knees to pray that they would call my name in prayer. They had always called each kid by name and ask God to protect them from all harm, and to make sure that they would all be saved and be His children, somehow. I knew if they could not be with me in person, they were praying for me, and the Lord would be with me in person. I knew they had the faith of a mustard seed. I knew they had the faith it would take to move a mountain. My confidence was in their prayers, and I would be bold and brave and I would stand firm. I would hold my head high regardless of what came my way.