My name is Martijn. I was born in The Netherlands, on July 13th 1973. That was on a Friday. Yes, indeed look it up. Born on Friday the 13th, me! Talk about a bad start... My mother has always said I was born 50 years too late, so I guess I should have been born in 1933. Thanks mom, just in time for WW II! She says that because I'm kinda old-fashioned even though I was raised in the 70's. Perhaps it's a counter reaction: I can't stand men with long hair and I despise any kind of drugs. And I'm DUTCH mind you. I could have it all if I wanted!
Now about that life of mine...
Well, I shouldn't complain really. I'm well-educated, money in the bank, healthy as a horse. I'm going places, me. Boring but well-paying places. But even though I've got nearly a quarter of a century behind me I'm still waiting for the fun to begin. Okay, so I got to watch Battlestar Galactica, The A-team and Are You Being Served during my formative years, which HAS to be better than Teenage Mutant Thingemebops and Go Go Power Rangers, but even with that solid mixture of row-models I have still developed some serious character flaws. Lack of humor (or modesty) fortunately isn't one of them ;-) In my mind, I have this ideal person that I want to be like. Disciplined, dependable, amiable, flexible, a people-person, charming, strict but fair, outgoing. Someone that people really like to be with, someone that nobody dares to mess with.
Needless to say, I haven't a snowball's chance in hell of ever becoming that person, which is a huge disappointment to me. Nobody really expects me to be perfect (although many people have said that there is definately room for improvement...) but I seem to have come out the exact opposite of what I set out to be: I am the best goddamn liar on the face of this planet, an accomplished fraud, a manipulative, militaristic, closed-minded petty little pedantic bastard with all the social graces of a wart. Ofcourse I also have my good sides, like anybody else: I can be charming if I put my mind to it, I can be entertaining company and I am a good and reliable friend. People either like me a lot (despite all my flaws) or they hate my guts. There is no grey area.
Kindergarten went fine, but I had a tough time in elementary school and high school (or whatever you call those institutions in English). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was the little boy that was 'different' (I said different, not gay). I didn't smell funny or anything like that, but I was (or pretended to be) more interested in reading books and playing with my computer (Commodore 64 ring any bells, 1973-kids?) than in talking to girls and playing soccer. And, for some reason, I thought that if you pretend not to like girls, they fall desperately in love with you...
I'm here to tell you now that this is NOT true. It was most probably the WORST idea I ever had and it ruined my life. You know what happens if you ignore girls? They ignore YOU and fall desperately in love with the boys that try feel them up and are good at soccer. Which leaves you completely unprepared to deal with women in a purely social context. Which pretty much screws you up bad for the rest of your life. I am now the sort of man women see 'as a very good friend'. Because I never try to get them into bed, or feel them up or stuff like that. Women will know what I'm talking about here, don't you girls? I'm the rest of my life. I had (and have) no idea but being a copywriter seemed a good idea at the time so I went to the HBO (it's kind of like a university but you don't get a degree) and studied that. Two years later I decided I did not want to be a copywriter and the teachers, all of them failed or semi-failed writers, decided I'd ridiculed them enough so I left. I re-applied to the very same school and studied English for a year. Tagazine for one of the departments. I was quite good at it (because I never do anything if I don't know in advance that I will succeed), but it sucked. I hated having to work 40 hours a week, I hated having to get up at 07:00 and I didn't care much for the work either. Can you believe me?! The pay was good (for an internship), they were not too strict about the hours and I could handle the job easily. Nevertheless, it ended with my (female) boss and me hating eachothers guts, although she did give me a fair and very positive evaluation.
It's just the way I was brought up. Never *had* to work. And if I did, I was payed handsomely. Never had to do anything to get what I wanted. Just held up my hand and there it was. My brother has always has shitty jobs that paid bad and all I ever had to do was sit around and wait and then some job would come up like being a ni commute there!) or even in free hours inbetween classes, all very handsomely paid with the added bonus of having some very useful passwords and authorisations ("I'll just delete the queue with my password so my printjob gets done straight away. Then I'll take the best camcorder home for the weekend, oh and I'll take that laptop too. If the guy who reserved it shows up, tell him it's been stolen.")
You see, I have no 'ruggegraat', no spine. I just like to hang about the house, write, surf the web and eat. I couldn't care less about the environment, I just want to get laid before I hit 25. However, because there is a sense of balance and justice in the universe, there have also never been things that are really GREAT either. No real low points, but no real high points either. Life's just bland. I don't have to do much to have a good life but that also means I'm never pushed to my limits. I'm no masochist so I'm not going to seek out hardship by myself but I'm sure there's more to me that meets my inner eye. So that's what I mean when I say I'm still waiting for the fun to begin. Perhaps I really should have been born in 1933. Nothing like a war to build some character ;-)
*update*
The Internet appears to be my rescue! I am now the webmaster for my school (nobody understands what I do exactly, it's like having my own money-printing press!) and I can even link my graduation-project to that job (nobody knows what I do exactly, I'll probably end up having to grade myself!), after which I'll get a contract for 20 hours per week. In addition, I was asked to teach classes about the Internet (my teachers are now also my colleagues!) and it looks as though that could be a permanent thing, so I have something to do for the other 20 hours per week as well. All within the same school: good thing I kept coming back! ;-)
I enjoy my job(s) immensely and the future is looking bright. However, there is still the problem of me not being able to find a girlfriend for love nor money. I'm at 1/3rd of my predicted lifespan now and basically the time where all I needed to be happy were a TV and a PC is over. I want a woman. I want someone to have and to hold. It's not about sex, it's about finding a soulmate. Even Hitler had Eva Braun, so why should I be alone? Anyway, I have NO bloody chance. It's not because I'm ugly or something. It's because I've waited too long and now all the nice girls are taken and I have no idea how or where to find those that are still available. Well, I could take dancing lessons I suppose, but you may have gathered by now I'm not the sort of guy to dance.
However, I made friends with a very nice women, slightly older than me (36), who is good company and a good friend. She has a way of putting things in perspective and stimulating my positive side that I find very useful and valuable. And then there's this really attractive girl who, even though she has a boyfriend, seems to think I am very good company. We've gone out a couple of times (it was always her idea) and it's a real confidence booster, although there is something VERY disturbing about hearing an attractive, younger woman tell you that she thinks sex is very important in a relationship. It's like seeing your neighbour win the lottery. Anyway, I can't wait for her boyfriend to die...
My life is still far from what it should or could be, but it's a hell of lot better than it was before. I'm still not sure if I want to go on living like this, but what the hell, I'll give it another two years.
Oh, and about that 'getting laid before I hit 25'... it was taken care off months ago, although I wonder if it counts if you have to pay for it (and used a condom). Twohundred guilders (that's about 110 dollars) for approx. 15 minutes of very BAD, impersonal sex was a lot of money, but at least I know what the grown-ups are talking about now.
Okay, so I went to a prostitute: it was either that or go on an alcohol-induced killing spree, leaving a trail of dead bodies behind me and getting shot in the head by a sniper whilst trying to ram a police-roadblock. I'm glad I did it, even though I payed far too much and it was a somewhat disturbing experience. It made me feel almost human. Almost like everone else born in 1973.
PS: Any girls reading this who are interested: I'm probably still available. Mail me. Make my mother VERY happy ;-)
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