Where is God??

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that,
if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed,
but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first,
in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman,
a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question
in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home
and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found
him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it.


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Sauna phone

There's a group of guys in the club sauna. A mobile telephone rings and one guy answers it.
# Hello?
* Honey, is that you?? What's all that noise? Are you in the sauna?
# Yes.
* Honey, I'm standing in the jeweler's shop and they've got this fabulous diamond and emerald
necklace and I really, really, really want to buy it. Can I please, please, please have it ??
It's only just a bit more than $15,000
# How much more?
* Well, about $22,500.
# Well, all right then. But don't pay more than that then.
* Thank you, my honey. Oh! And I just passed by the BMW shop and they have
this dream car in and it's turquoise... my favourite colour and it's on sale for $60,000
but they can let us have it for just $57,000 if we buy today. Please, please, please honey let me buy it!
# Well, all right, dear, but try to get them to come down to $56,000.
At this point the woman realizes that she's on a roll and says
* Honey, you know that I've been asking you to let my mother come to live with us, and I know
you are really against the idea but... well, I was thinking that perhaps she could come on
Saturday and just try staying with us for one month just to see how it goes. What do you think?
# Well, dear, all right then ? but only on a trial basis.
* Oh, thank, my honey, I love you so much. Thank you. See you tonight.
The guy hangs up, puts the phone down and says - # Anybody know who this telephone belongs to?

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Dinner Conversation

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner:
WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you re-marry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again
. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: shit... shit... shit...

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Sly Mother

Karun invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Karun's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,
and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening,
while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Karun
and his room mate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Karun volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking,
but I assure you, Smita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Smita came to Karun saying "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver chutney jar.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar
from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Karun
Several days later, Karun received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Smita, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Smita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed,
she would have found the chutney jar by now.
Love, Mom

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