"Its all been saved with the exception of the right parts. When will we be new skin?
Its all been seen with the exception for what could be. When will we be new skin?"

I need to get out of this town soon. I have realized, and I realized long ago, that this poor town allows no one to progress. Once you are too deep inside you will never emerge. This place is like a disease and I just want to break free.

I have been living this life for too long. I regret not having the experience that I have now so I could go back and fix the mistakes that I have made. Starting over is going to be hard.

I dropped out of school thinking that once I was out of that "mind-washing" institution that I would be able to find myself, to know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. All I have learned is that it was a sad mistake to leave school, and to care so little about it because of the opportunity that I had in front of me. Sure, I should have left that school, because in all honesty, it was an awful college, at least for me, but I should have thought about what I was going to do when I was out.

I could have gone through and enlisted in the Navy... Yeah, that could have been a plan, but sure, a person like me, doing something like that.... and I thought that maybe, maybe I would be able to find happiness. I must have been insane, or had a temporary loss of judgement... All I want to do is write or paint or learn something new. There is no place for me in the Navy or in Carroll County for that matter. I really dont know what I want to do anymore.

I want to go to California, a good place for me to start, but it all seems so distant and unreachable. I have been swallowed by the mello, unfulfilling, easy country life that has been my life for too many long years.

I have too many obligations to people in this area too. My parents, who have always stood by me and supported me, I owe them so much. They helped me through years of school, which until now, I did not really appreciate. I have wasted so much, but gained so much in understanding. I have made too many mistakes. I have asked for their help too many times, and now when I know that I have to leave, I feel as if I cant. I dont want to leave without paying my debts....

Its hard to just give up living in Maryland.... I have my friends, the life that I am used to. I have to step onto an invisible platform and hope that it holds my weight. If my plans fail while I am out away from home, what am I to do then? I guess that I am just going to have to take that risk before I fall into the pit of despair out here.