"There's something about the look in your eyes, something I noticed when the light was just right. It reminded me twice that I was alive, and it reminded me that you're so worth the fight."
So yeah, Merry Christmas and stuff.... Its like 1 in the morning and I am cold, lonely, and bored....but at least I am happy...
His "..."'s scare me for some reason tonight... I dont know why they do but they just do. We have spent an incredible week together, I have never been happier. I hate sitting here at my house alone tonight when I know that he is home doing the same... Arg.... I hate those damn "..."'s tonight. They are just idle tonight, unhappy tonight, they are really bothering me a lot tonight... Maybe I am just insane. I just dont understand. They are just making me crazy, and the more I rant about it, the more he seems to be doing it. I just need to calm my nerves. FUCK THOSE FUCKING DOTS! WHY WONT HE FUCKING STOP!
Ah, alright, I think I'm going to be okay, I'm just going to ignore him for a few minutes and gather myself in a Christmas spirit or whatever.
Speaking of the Christmas spirit, I went to church tonight. It must have been the first time that I have set foot in mass since my brothers Confirmation. I am sort of sad about the fact that I have lost my faith, church just made me sad... Instead of being holy and thankful at the coming holiday, all I could do was analyze the mass, the building, the father, I dont even know what I was doing. It just wasnt church anymore. I knew the words to say, I knew when to stand and sit (which is quite confusing sometimes in the Catholic church), it just didnt mean anything to me like it used to. I guess I dont know who or what to believe anymore.
Aislinn is going to be released from captivity soon, which makes me really happy. I miss her more than I have ever missed anyone before... heh heh... well maybe I'll take that one back, but yeah, I really really really miss her. Things arent ever going to be like they were up at the Mount, but I am really looking forward to really putting our lives together.
California is looking closer than ever. It scares me but I am very happy to be finally getting out of here and going home. Yup... home... I just dont know where to start. I have bills to pay, people to pay back, my family and friends are going to be hard to leave, but I will be gaining ten-fold when I get out there. Aislinn IS coming out there too, hopefully, I doubt that I would ever leave her behind anywhere, she holds too much of my soul to let go. I just have to get out there soon, my happiness seemingly lies out there, and I am quite sure as do my passions, I just have to get up and find them.