"Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you"

Its 1245 and my brother is ranting about an ashtray, thats right an ashtray. Apparently by putting the ashtray right next to his bad he has made his room "so much better!!!!" Somehow he has still managed to drop his cigarette on the carpet that my mother just got cleaned. I wonder who is going to die tomorrow....

Silverchair still rocks, I dont care what anyone says. I think only as I grow older I realize what music really changes in your life. EVERYTHING.

"Its music if it has passion." ~Kurt Cobain

It depicts you. You chose it, and it changes you.

So with my brain running at a hundred miles a minute I bring you another quick rant...

Me and my brother just laughed because I said "oh ye-ar!" Then we laughed for another ten minutes because we were laughing so hard because the other was laughing so hard until my brother interrupted and said "You know we dont even remember what we were laughing about, we're just laughing 'cuz we're laughing."

Yup.

On the same note, if your animals are a little fucked up, they will attack you. Bear this in mind at your next party. My cat has been plotting my death for a long while now.

"I forgot, I cant eat food in bed, I get cumbs everywhere... Fuck you crumbs!"

You can just tell that it is just one of those nights, right?

Alright, ex-boyfriend count on AOL IM is 3, people that I was at one point "dating" or "seeing" is 3. A small and boring world isnt it? Thank God I have a new screenname.

I decided to talk to one of my ex's tonight, one that I cared very deeply for and I still really do, it sucks how a relationship makes you lose important friends in your life. It was sad how little we had to say to each other, I mean, it came down to the same old boring stuff that you would say to the kid at school that you know very little about and somehow you just have his/her screenname. So yeah, this bothers me, I shared almost a year of my life with this boy... And we have been broken up for over a year, almost two and we still can't talk like we used to. He seems to think that I am still mad at him and accuses me over IM that I am being rude to him. Take this for example, and I am not changing the words:
He says "I'm going to bake my mother a cake so I have got to go."
I say "sure."
He thought that I was being sarcastic about him just trying to get out of talking to me. Heh heh. I bet it was just a little bit of a Freudian slip. Blah, I was just reminded of that.... eh.... but I just cant understand why romantic love, being so wonderful, has to destroy everything that is important. (Blah, this is Mikey's rant tonight, and I am agreeing with him and putting it into my own words) Yeah so, it is a wonderful thing, a wonderful thing, but it crushes people in its wake. He hasnt been the same to me since we broke up, or even while we were dating. He lost sight of the reason why we got together: we were love with who each other was. It became trying to make the relationship work like we are influenced to think they were in movies and sitcoms. Having a relationship is like having a very good friend. I dont understand why it is hyped up so much in this society! I dont understand why it has to become like a chore. I dont understand why relationships can't end in a friend-like intervention type manner. I dont know, I have lost this topic, I have to move on.

Cynism reigns high in the 21st Century. What a marvelous thing! (its ringing in my voice.... yeah sarcasm... Like many things, it is a good thing when used at the correct times but I see that it is getting to the point where a father would tell his son to trust him as the child lets himself fall backwards into his arms, but the father would just let the child fall to the ground, teaching his son the valuable lesson of "trust no one, not even your father."

Okay, so its a "Doggy Dog World." Yeah, "Doggy Dog World" my ass! Okay, so we wonder why there is so much hate in the world... I mean, big fat duh! You dont just see violence on TV, which is seen as a big breeder of hate, but its deeply embedded into our socialization. We are bred to trust no one... I think that is the most awful thing that can be taught. We also have people in our society that have no value in their children. We have life in our own hands now, children have become a choice that they can have and then take away, we have lost value in the beauty of so many things! Oh, if only everyone could just see what has been done. Take a look around you, I mean, think of all the reasons there are for kids to go out and open fire at their school... Can't think of any?
1. The parents didnt want to have the child so he/she was almost aborted.
Although the child may not know about it, the parents will raise that child with that inevitable "what if?" floating around in the back of their minds.
Lesson: If you are pregnant and you are thinking about having an abortion, do it because if you are really thinking about it, then you dont really want to have that child. Yes, if you are even just THINKING about it.
Answer: Dont get pregnant unless you really want a kid. Take my words however you want to read them. (Hahahaha... I never said that abstinance was the answer either... heh heh heh).
I feel horrible for ranting about that, but its the truth. WOW technology, we have opened a door that shouldn't really have been opened. Now we have that question and we have a couple answers. Why do we have that possibility? It just downplays the worth of life. Eh.... I never was a Pro-lifer, actually I am Pro-Choice, horrible isnt it?? Well, my explanation, we have the choice, although its bad that we have the choice, we still do have it. I mean, its not something that I would ever do, I value life far too dearly.... shit, why am I explaining myself to you?!?! MY JOURNAL!?!?!?!?! Anyways, I promise to rant about that later.
2. The child was severely neglected or abused.
This one is simple and should be unexplainatory. I mean, you beat your kid, he's going to beat on everybody that he can, and with any other means, he'll scare them all.
Lesson: You show your kid aggression or any other type of emotion on a strict level, thats what he is going to share with his peers.
Solution: Don't show strong emotions is a negative way towards your children at all times. Sure, bad child, go to room! Not, bad child, get me a stick so I can beat the shit out of you! Hmmmmm....
3. The child was strongly influenced by the TV.
I think its funny how society blames all the problems with children on TV and if they are old enough, music. What a load! They should be blaming themselves! Children are wired to the television set from the time they are two! Sure, violence is overflowing from cable and broadcast television, but its not the only thing. Kids are taught their morals off the television if they are not taught properly through their parents.
Lesson: Be like me and never watch that "idiot box." Nah, there is nothing wrong with violence on TV, children should be taught that it is just TV. I also believe that TV shouldnt be such a large part of the American lifestyle. Too much revolves around that thing, whatever happened to books?! I think that parents spend too much time watching that TV, its not the children.
Solution: Spend more time with the education of morals within a child and less watching the television. If your kids see you reading a book instead of watching TV, maybe they'll pick one up too, ya never know.
4. They were just hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Yeah, okay, they got mixed up with the wrong set of friends. Ummm... yeah, so know you say the kid is putting some things into his/her body that you wouldnt say are kosher... Ummm.... HELLO, here comes my stand-point!
Lesson: The friends that the child has most intimately reflects on the person that he/she is. These people, more often than not, share the same stand-points and attitudes. He/she didnt get mixed up in the wrong crowd, he/she IS the wrong crowd. It is not until later in life when they can make the moral decision as to the crowd that they may embrace, otherwise, it is who they are. (we'll talk about me later too.) :-)
Solution: Instill a good code of morals and your child will be a "good kid" and will hang out with kids that are also "good kids."
I am tired of thinking up reasons, but they are all united in the horrors of socialization. Life just isnt valued as it should be anymore. Time goes by and it means so much less. People care less about each other... People dont trust one another... People dont value friendships or even love.... They care about money, stability, and whats on the news on channel four tonight. Bah, what a horrible philosophy on living!

So make fun about me next time I'm talking about my chi and my good karma. I bet that even when I am sad, I am happier than everyone else out there!

Next topic: Ummm....

Socialization! Right on! The movie Fight Club, one of my favorite movies is a wonderful explanation of socialization. This can and does happen to many of our fellow Americans! Another reason... You just have to break free! Notice the Ikea Catolog apartment... Hmmm.... symbolism.... fit into the mold Jack, you'll be happy when you have everything in this catalog like all the designers do, Jack. Infomercials, Jack, buy all these products to make your life so much less stressful and so much better, Jack. Blue Collar Job, Jack, you'll have a lot of money and the unhappiness of the working environment will mean nothing to you, Jack, Money, Jack, Happiness, Jack, being uniform and lack of personality, Jack, nobody cares about anything anymore, Jack, keep your feelings pent up inside, Jack. Yeah, watch the movie, its even better with what I just said.

So thats part of the movie. The other part, which the book is strongly focused on is how we are taught to repress our natural insticts. We are taught to force our anger, our pain, and out displeasure down into our stomachs. Eh, we're going to explode here.... Fighting, a natural instict, a natural MALE instict... hence "Fight Club."

So watch the movie and actually watch it bearing all this in mind... What a great movie!

Okay, the next topic will be: oh yeah, me and my friends. The latin tranlation of the definition of friends is the group of people that has the most influence upon you. They do, thank goodness that everyone has the chance to choose their friends. Most people dont know that it is a privilege until they are mature enough to adapt their moral standpoints. Anyway, most people dont have to change their friends unless they come across a bump in the road, as I have. My moral standpoints have changed, on my own accord, just because I dont like where this path is taking me. I wasnt always a rebel. I wasnt always out against "the Man." I was a mold. Heh heh heh. Until I got to Maryland and decided that I hated everything, my dad flipped his lid, and I was the yankee wonder in school. (I have a beautiful Jersey accent, its hidden now because of the tortuous attention that I had gotten when I was little. You can still catch a little of it if you pay attention.) So the rebel crowd isnt so bad until you get into high school and into college. In high school they became the kids that wouldnt make the effort to go to school, they were the ones trying out everything that they were told was fun. Heh heh, the only way that this is real trouble is when it absorbs your life and your goals are to "get fucked up" and "fight the man," it was pretty much "fight anyone who tells you what the right thing is to do, by doing the wrong thing." Okay, even thats not so bad if you still get good grades and you dont get kicked out... *me* That wasnt it for me, I still could hang out with those same kids until now, I wanted to go to school and further my education in something that I really loved. This is when they are making it really hard, really really really hard. They made the decision to stay in Westminster, do drugs, not work, and not make anything out of themselves. They have become spoiled on drugs, lack of ambition and dreams, and just plain lazy and in literary terms "flat." I go over and its the same thing, nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, no bright and futuristic plans, nothing, no smiles of accomplishments. I dont know. It just makes me feel like their lives are not going anywhere and its just going to rub off on me.

My stand on drugs and alcohol. Moderation, my friends, in moderation. I love hippies and I love being a hippy. We have political standpoints but we take positive action. We arent punks, which would just smash something and say that they made a difference. We arent punks, who would just say "fuck education" because we're just going to be throwing our money straight to the "man," he cant tell me to go to school anymore! And most of us sure as hell arent lazy, well all of us that I know... We have found ourselves in a way that most people wouldnt understand. I have found myself on a different level, whether positive or negative, I have learned something from the things that I have done. We are mellow folk, that enjoy life because it is beautiful and through the wonders of technology, and of fate, it can be taken away at any moment.

"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

I feel that... Everyone should feel that. It dictates my life almost, life is just too beautiful. We hate no one, and we fear nothing, life is an experience. We love my friends and I would do anything for those that we care most deeply about. We place my trust in others, we hope that they trust us in return. We are openly honest about who we are, and importantly, we value everything and anything that will better the way that we live.

On that gorgeous note, I am off to sleep sweet dreams with my head in the clouds and my heart only pondering wonderous thoughts...G'night!