"Blink and you miss a beat, keep one of your eyes open at all times"

I'm scared....scared for so many reasons. Scared for myself but moreover, scared for my friends. I made the choice to leave school, not finding what I wanted to find in my studies, and hoping that I would find it elsewhere. It has been hard being at home with those that I feel like I have gravely disappointed with this choice. I do not know what I want to do , or what I can do. I want to get a job and get a place of my own, but I dont want to work at some backwater job and live in a less that hospitable dwelling. I want to go back to school, even though I have just left it. I do not want to go back to the Mount, but somewhere where I am interested in what I am learning. Lately I have found that I may want to give fashion school a try. I do not know!!!

Manda wont even talk to me anymore. I think that she is trying to avoid me to find a new life of her own. Everyone here seems so discontented with the lives that they have made in this town. I guess that I, being the one that was always behind her for years, had to be disposed as she is trying to dispose the life that she has led since we both had graduated from high school. Both of us know that we have accomplished nothing great, but I think that both of us have taken large steps in finding who we really are. I worry about her all the time. She spends no time with those who were good friends to the both of us, she is rarely in town when she isnt working, and I am to venture that she rarely leaves her apartment except for the occasional trip to Gettysburg, where she visits with her "real friends." She seems so unhappy with her life, yet she makes no effort to change it. I wish I could help her. I wish that she could see that I mean her no harm and that I would never stand in the way of her wishes.

Aislinn is now trapped at home because her mother wont let her see the light of day. It is enough to drive me crazy just thinking about. Her mother is waiting for her to "get better" when both she and I know that there is nothing so wrong with her that she cant come out Christmas shopping.

Ed, what can I even say? I havent seen him in more than a couple weeks and I sincerely hope that things are right with him.

Steve and Brian.... Huh.... Though we had our good times and the bad, the whole thing that happened with the 5 of us, and you know what I mean, was forgiven and forgotten about. I doubt that we will ever really be close again, but we had fun while we were together. Boys, I dont know what any of us were thinking....Guess we all were just a little out of our minds!

Alex, I miss you, although you probably wouldnt believe it. We would have been good together. You made me happy every time that we spent time to know one another. I miss those late-night talks outside by the fountain. I miss sharing my happiness and my confusion with you. I am sorry for any pain that I may have caused.

Greg and Andres, California here we come!! Heh... I love the both of you, you are the two coolest freshmen that I had the pleasure of meeting. When I do come back to visit, your room will be one of the first that I visit.

Alright, I dont know...its late and I am tired....and in a weird mood.