I have no lid upon my head
But if I did
You could look inside and see
what's on my mind
You could look inside and see
what's on my mind
I let you down, oh, forgive me
You give me love
Let me walk with you
Maybe I could say
Maybe talk with you, open up
And let me through
Don't walk away

So he wrote this to me today....

well right now my ship is underway... we got underway on the Morning of the 7th of Jan for an unannounced readiness test... which is being given by CinPacFleet off the coast of the Catalina islands until the 18 of Jan... we were not given satellite time for e-mail and everything because we had no time to request it because we did not expect to be getting underway... well, we got our e-mail and internet up today and i just got the e-mail you sent last monday...

Lauren, i'm so sorry... i hadn't realized you have had this on your mind in such a strong way, and to make matters worse i haven't been able to talk to you in about a week because of the stupid navy, so you probably think i'm just not talking to you and that is so not how it is. The mail you wrote really made me feel bad because I haven't told you how i really feel about you, and i'm trapping myself into telling you in an e-mail ( which is not how it should be ) but I want you to know for sure how I feel about you so you can stop worrying and at least know where you stand... I love you. And i miss you so much i have to cry myself to sleep sometimes... And i'm sorry i can't tell you this in person or on the phone, but i'm about 120 miles north west of san diego right now on a giant piece of floating scrap metal. I know that is probably not the way that you feel about me but I do love you... not a day goes by that i don't think of you... I'm not the best guy in the world and i do forget things, like calling you back sometimes, but i have the best intentions and would never try and hurt you like that...

I just want to be with you... I want you to come out here and visit me( even for a week or so )... I want you to come out here and live with me if you want to... I just want to see you, for a month, a day, a moment...it wouldn't matter... I want us to be together, and i want you to love me the way I love you because no-one else has ever meant more to me than you...

That is what i want... and it is unfair of me to ask you to do any of these things... you need to know what you want. also... my SN automatically logs on when my room mates computer starts up and a lot of times she will just close it when she notices that it is on... i wouldn't run from you...

I don't know who this guy is, I don't know what he is telling you to do, i don't know what may have happened in the last week that i haven't talked to you and it isn't any of my business... i'm just telling you what I want and how I feel...

write me back here at _ if this hasn't been to litle to late...
love ryan

And all I could do is cry....