wHAT’S A nAME?
by Shadowfax
purple_shad@hotmail.com
Sept. 1998

This is a silly little thing my cousins and I made up. Some parts
 are not supposed to make sense, for example: Baby Alucard and 
Baby Richter at the same time (and why would a Belmont baby be 
living in Drac’s castle? o_0!) If you have a hard time
 understanding the humour of some parts it’s easier to pretend 
it’s being acted out, or even act it out yourself (that’s how
 this came about). Or else it could be our strange twisted humour
 that’s incoherent! Enjoy! 

Note: If it were to be acted out Baby Al would sound like Ike 
from South Park!



[Dracula sits on his throne(?) with a less than 1 year old Alucard on his lap]

Dracula:  Come on... Say: “Da-da”
Baby Al:  .... Dum-dum...
Dracula:  Grrrr...! Let’s try that again. Say “Da-DA”!
Baby Al:  ....DUM!
Dracula: Oh-kay... Say ‘Father.’
Baby Al: ...Fat-ty?
Dracula:  WHAT?! Why you little...! [starts strangling poor Alc like Homer does to Bart] 
[Lisa comes in]
Lisa: VLAD!!! What are you doing to poor Adrian?! [takes baby Alc from his dad]
Dracula: ...grumbles... I was trying to teach him how to say Daddy
Lisa:  Oh really? Well, Adrian, say Daddy... Dad-dy
Baby Al: ?....mm.... Da-da...?
Lisa: You see, Vlad, you don’t have to strangle it out of him. Now you try.
Drac:  Saaaaaay Ddaaaaaaddie!
B Al:  [smiles] 
Drac:  Come on, you just said it for your mother!
B Al:  ..........................
Drac:  ....Please...?
B Al:  [blows raspberry]
[Drac goes nuts and starts yelling obscenities. Lisa gets up to leave, taking Alc with her]

[1 year later...]

Lisa:  What’s your name Adrian?
Baby Al:  [shakes head]
Lisa:  What’s wrong? Say your name, Adrian.
Baby Al:  Al’card!
Lisa: [frowns] Who taught you that? Say A-dri-an.
B Al:  Al’card!
Lisa:  That’s not your *real* name, Adrian.
B Al:  Me Al’card!
Lisa:  [sighs]  Your father managed to teach you that didn’t he?
 Well that’s Not your name. Your name is A-dri-an Fare-n-heights
 Te-pes... [Author’s note: yeah right, you try and teach a kid to
 say such a long name?!]
B Al:  ....Te-pes?
Lisa:  [smiles] Yes. Tepes. That’s your last name.
B Al:  Tepes!!!!
Lisa:  Yes, now say your whole name Adrian.
B Al:  Al’card Tepes!!!!!!!
Lisa:  [sweatdrops in typical anime style] 
B Al:  Tepes! Tepes tepes tepes tepes tepes TEPES!!!!! Me Tepes!!
Lisa:  [sighs] yes you are.
B Al:  Me Tepes.... You Tepes?
Lisa:  ......no, Adrian...
B Al:  [slight frown] not Tepes? 
Lisa:  [smiles gently]  ...No, I’m your Mommy.
B Al:  Mommy not Tepes?
Lisa:  O-kay I think that’s enough for today *Adrian*. [puts him down] 
[Alc runs off down the hall saying “Tepes” the whole way]

[5 minutes later Alc runs into Death]
Death{Voice always sounds like it’s oscillating}: Ahhh, young master... How are you today?
B Al:  Tepes!!!
Death: ...?! What did you say?
B Al:  Me Tepes!! You Tepes?
Death:  ...uh... No....
B Al:  Not Tepes?
Death:   ....?
[Without waiting for a reply Alc runs off leaving a somewhat bemused Death]
[Next, Al runs into the Ferryman]

Ferryman:  Eheheheheheee... Where would you like to go today, young master?
B Al:  Tepes!!
Ferryman:  ....Ehehehehe...?
B Al:  Me Tepes! You Tepes?
FerMan:  ....Eheheheeheee, no young master.... I am the Ferryman.
B Al:  Not Tepes? [blows raspberry then runs off again]
Ferryman: .....Ehehehehehehehe.... [scratches head]

[Alc runs into the library and meets the Librarian]
Librarian:  Oooh, what can I do for you, young master? 
B Al:  Me Tepes! 
Librarian:  Eh? Oh, he-hee, your last name...
B Al:  You Tepes?
Libr:  Oh, no, young master.
B Al:  [looks disappointed] .....DUM!
Libr:  ......He-hee, thank you....?
[You guessed it!! Alc goes roaming agian... to the room where Richter is building a
 huge castle out of blocks]
B Al: Tepes tepes tepes tepes tepes tepes!!!!!!!! [kicks all of
 Richter’s blocks over... Belmont baby starts to cry]
B Al:  ....? 
          [Kicks the blocks back into place, and Richter stops crying instantaneously!] 
         You Tepes?
Richt:  [shakes head]
B Al:   ...Not Tepes?
Richt:  .......... Me BELMONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B Al:  BELMONT?! 
Richt:  You not BELMONT. ME BELMONT!!!!!!!!!
B Al:  [shakes head] Me Tepes!
[Baby Richter resumes playing with his blocks]
B Al:  oh..... me go play [runs off to the confessional]

[Alc sits down in confessional chair, and the priest appears and sits down]

B Al:  Me Tepes, you Tepes?
(Ghost/Priest shakes his head)
B Al:  Okie [gets off the chair and ghost disappears] Heehehee, man go away...
 [gets back into the chair; Priest appears again] man come back?

[Baby Al climbs in and out of the chair a few more times and the ghost gets annoyed,
 finally the last time Baby Al climbs into the chair, the Priest remains standing!!]
Baby Al: Hehehe, go away! [climbs out of the chair and runs around to the other side 
of the room while the spikes narrowly miss him!]
[Alc sits down in the confessional chair recently vacated by the
 ghost of the priest: Weeping woman appears]
Baby Al: You Tepes?
(no answer just the ghost crying)
Baby Al: (looks concerned) why cry?
(more crying)
Baby Al: ....Don’t cry....
[Alc sits there for a while fidgeting, then he loses his patience]
Baby Al:  You BORING!
(no reply)
Baby Al: GO AWAY!!!!!!
(ghost doesn’t do anything but keeps on crying)
Baby Al: Boring, GO AWAY go away go away!!!....................  please? 
[sits there waiting expectantly] ................ STUPID!!! GO AWAY! 
[waits a bit more] Dum! Me go play. [leaves confessional]

Uhm... I think that's it o_O I don't think I can figure out how to end it (as if it ever had an ending?) Sorry, if it's disappointing, but it was funny, eh?