| Strength: 25 Agility: 50 Body: 25 Mind: 10 Bio: Look to the skies, what do you see? Heroes and villains floating around with there fancy schmancy magic and big time elemental Eldritch blasts chanting some shit like they're the shit pieces of shit. Screw THAT. Give me cold steel. Give me heat and a sort of manly kick ass-ness you only get from firing these weapons at full tilt. Now that is a fight. I don't have any special “outer worldly” powers. Anyone else that does is just fiction to me. That's right FICTION! Keep it in the damn comic books you retards! If I see that crap in my skies you best know I'll shoot it down. Oh yeah, don't you think I'm kidding! I'm one Crazy MoFo. Oh yeah, and other group of people that I don’t want to see in the air that should be disemboweled through their ears are those damn 80’s cartoon rip-off pieces of Ass spouting some shit like “I have the power”. Only thing you have power over is the inability to Shut Up. If you can’t tell already I don’t like all this unnatural BS that has been going on here. I never have. I didn't go to school for no magic crap, I went in for the mechanics and a passion for playing "Top Gun" on that old 8 bit “NES”. The movie “was” good at the time. It actually inspired me to go forth and fly. Then I got "my" wings. These friggin pansy-assed actors were wusses when it came to flying. Screw You Hollywood for deceiving me! I see the same actor dude that died in the flick appear on the tube again as a friggin nerd. A NERD! I had it. No more Fantasy shit for me. No more watching movies that would totally dilute any current reality in my head. Hollywood was the first thing to feel my wrath. I took out "the sign" for target practice in a single pass with "Spike". Yeah, who’s tastin’ reality now bitches! Personality: If you can't figure out my personality from the friggin Bio you deserve some lead in that ass of yours on top of your shoulders. You can call me Ed. Only my mother calls me Edward. Call me Eddie, and your dead where you stand. Spike: Vehicle superior (50) Let me introduce this B-47. This is "Spike". He was a run down Stratojet Bomber from post WW2. Found him in some abandoned warehouse years ago. It was fate that we met. I mean check out his stats: Span: 116 feet, Length: 108 feet, Gross weight: 125,000 pounds, Top speed: 587 mph, Range after modification: 10,000 miles, Ceiling: 38,000 feet(though I never go that high, there’s no action up there), Power: Six 3,750-pound-thrust GE J-35 engines. Sends shivers down my spine each time I say those words. Damn he's good. Especially when modified and rebuilt to my liking. Twisting metal: Projectile attack supreme (85) Multi Hitting Yes, my favorite spot is the back of the plane. Nobody predicts it. Like I give a flying shit whether the tail-gunner got the least amount of action in all those war stories. Not in this baby. This ain't no slow assed flying fortress. I've modified Spike so that the gun is mounted on a 360 degree rotating turret elevated at the back. Oh yeah, the guns. Sweet is a metaphor that barely compares to these babies, specially designed by yours truly. A quadruple barreled M60 on a rotating ammo reload system. Which means I always have at least 3 barrels firing at all times when I want it. No pauses sucka. These rounds will come at you and never stop. Oh yeah, and ammo. Heh, why do you think I'm the only one manning this plane. Makes a shit-load of room for all the ammo I've got. Aces High: Superior Flight w - pu (25) Yeah, I named the plane "Spike". Why? Cause he kicks ass in Dogfights!!! Duh. I have specially modified this B-47 Stratojet so that I can do my business at the back of the plane, keep one hand on the trigger at all times and the other hand flying it from there too using my trusty NES control stick and a couple monitors. I also installed a program so that Spike here can do friggin wacked out shit like barrel rolls and 360 turns at the touch of a button. Motion sickness, don't worry, I've been able to control the hurl... Sensors: Radar: standard: (20) Hey, get away from there. Yeah, I know there are little blinking lights at the front of the plane. Ever hear of RADAR. Yeah, they’re necessary! Why? So that when Spike and I are in the thick of battle Spike here can go on auto-pilot and avoid shit like mountains. That’s why… Other things that piss me off when it’s not on “AP” are those damn stalactites or some shit in caves, trees, and those friggin’ sewer pipes that get in the way underground. Damn I hate those. Stayin’ Ahead: Marksman: standard (20) Alright, I'm no friggin Wyatt Earp when it comes to firing this thing but I do have the strength to keep it firing straight and where I want it. That in itself is a chore. Yeah, I'm accurate. You know, shoot ahead of the target and all that. You won't be seeing me shooting behind a guy and missing as he or she is running away like all those movies show. I hit the damn target. Remember, this is reality not the fiction you’ve seen on the screen. But, before you think I care about accuracy, I don't really have to, it fires so many rounds per second that eventually I'll hit the target. Live to Fly: Super Speed Supreme w - pu (50) Hand-Eye-Coordination? Been training for years. Skills? Only one way to find out sucka! A Death Wish? Yeah, I've got a death wish, I wish you would die for asking me these stupid questions you Ass Master. What? Oh, you did not just get sarcastic with me did you? What? You did not... Oh that's it! Get your ass in Spike over there, we're going for a ride. Nah, you don't need a safety harness, I'm that good. *Heh, Friggin' Gullible bastard...* After power-up Fly to Live: A Safety Harness. Tractor Beam: Standard (25) Spike likes to flip out once and awhile which I found out could be kinda bad for me if I fell out. Now, I'm not one that wears a seatbelt if I'm cruising down the highway but when Spikes on the move it be kinda stupid if I lost the fight and died cause I fell out of the plane. You won't see me in the Darwin Awards. I guarantee. Sonic Boom: Sonics Standard (25) Yeah, Spike Banks, the big boom happens. It's Friggin awesome! Like 20 thrash/speed/death metal bands crashing down on one note in a cacophony of kick-ass sound. Yeah, it might make buildings shake. Yeah it can't really kill anyone, it can disorient them for a moment or two, but it's best described as great for showing off! Don't touch the Bumper Stickers Berserker Standard Now, I've spent a lot of time finding the right decals that fit Spikes persona in the air. Made some big-assed bumpers stickers for him. Like: "We brake for Nobody", "If you can read this, I haven't been shot in this spot yet!", and my favorite "Life is a shooting range, sometimes your the target, you can start running now". One of these magic ass-monkeys shot some beam at Spike one time. Didn't hurt "Spike" but really screwed up a cool decal I had on the hull. He did not live long after I charged everything to full power, hit the mark and emptied about 10,000 rounds in a minute till he was disintegrated. Don't mess with the decorations. |
| Edward T. Gunner |
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