Dippers

The Truth about Spit Tobacco

Signs you are a TRUE DIPPER !

1. You know cool words like "fatty", "spitter", and "lipper"
2. You dip when you're depressed.
3. You dip when you're happy.
4. You've probably spent close to #750 dollars on bottled water only to
see
it poured out in the Pantry Parking lot.
5. You trim your fingernails in a specific manner to better facilitate
the
opening of a can.
6. Your dip collection is the pride of your dorm room.
7. You have a log of dip in your fridge at this instant.
8. The term "The Big Dipper" has no astronomical meaning to you at all.
9. You once hooked up with a girl, only to comment to your friends how
much
her breath mints made her taste like Spearmint Skoal.
10. You once made a girl cry for spilling your can of dip.
11. Once, after a friend poured his heart out to you about why his life
sucked, you replied with: "That sucks. . . . .Wanna dip?" and it made
him
feel better.
12. More than once, you've gone hungry in order to have money for more
dip.
13. You answer the question "Got any dip?" with the questoin "Am I
Breathing?"
14. You have knowingly watched a guy you didn't know drink your
spitter,
loogeys and all, only to laugh as he puked in the sink.
15. You have dipped a half a can at one time.
16. You dipped in physics class only to spit in dirty beakers.
17. You've spilled a can of dip on the ground, but took a pinch off the
pile
before admitting the can had been lost.
18. You can pack a can to the tune of Stairway to Heaven.
19. You have engaged in masturbatory exercises while dipping.
20. You once sent an email to a buddy that consisted only of the word
"dip"
repeated over and over.
21. The afore-mentioned email meant a lot to your friend.
22. You cried when you thought you were giving up dip forever.
23. You once tried to quit and almost made it 72 hours without a dip.
24. Your ideal death would be "Death By Nicotine".
25. No matter how much you've done it, a hatred of smoking still burns
red-hot deep inside you.
26. You've been kicked off an academic sports team for dipping.
27. You gain tremendous joy from making freshmen on your wrestling team
dip.
28. You have once been awakened merely by the smell of dip in your
room.
29. You brain instinctively tunes out a female voice speaking the
words:
"Eewwwww. That's nasty."
30. You watched the World Series just to see which pitcher had the
biggest
dip in.
31. If you meet a guy for the first time, no matter how big of a dick
he is,
if he's dipping, you think to yourself, "He can't be that bad."
32. When a friend mumbles to you, "Mmmmmm, mmmmmm." You understand him
clearly to say, "Please, good friend, hand me my spitter."
33. One time, a guy you hardly knew gave you a free can of dip, you
told him
you loved him, and you meant it.
34. Your opinion of a zoo rests entirely on whether it posesses kodiak
bears.
35. In a drunken stupor, you once had a conversation with the Bear.
36. You re-wrote the lyrics to Candle in the Wind to dedicate the song
to
Kodiak.
37. Your mom bought you dip for your 17th birthday.
38. At one time or another, you were kissing your girlfriend and
thinking
whether or not you had any dip in your car.
39. Your girlfriend threatened to leave you bc you dipped.
40. You called her bluff.
41. One of your most treasured memories includes sitting on a log in
the
woods behind your high school baseball field dipping Skoal Classic with
one
of your best friends.
42. News of a new kind of dip gets you all riled up for two weeks
straight.
43. You own a cuspidor solely because you and your friends dipped your
asses
off for two months.
44. You have once said this: "Damn my lip hurts. Anybody got a dip?"
45. You once dipped Cougar bc it claimed to be dip.
46. Your girlfriend once gave you and your buddies a bunch of free dip.
47. Your intense fascination with Diamond Dallas Page can be traced to
your
subconscious association of the letters "DDP" with "DIP".
48. Your dentist told you to stop dipping.
49. You didn't listen.
50. Once you were stung by a bee, so you held a pinch of skoal cherry
to your
face.
51. You have Freudian dips, I mean slips.
52. The worst, most fucked up, depressing, sucky, butt-fuckingly
horrible day
can be fixed by a fatty.
53. You once woke up and said outloud: "Today feels like a mint day."
54. You constantly gripe about the cost of spitters.
55. You get great satisfaction from seeing a dipper on TV and shouting
"He's
dipping!" before your friends do.
56. You have an unhealthy fantasy where you lick a dip off of a girl's
nipple.
57. You once spit on the floor in Radio Shack.
58. At your batchelor Party, you are gauranteed 4 things: the guys,
beer,
tits and dip.
59. You view the day you lost your virginity and the day you first
dipped in
the same context.
60. You consider dip one of your friends.
61. You survived a weekend of building a physics project by drawing
energy
from dip and an intense hatred of your physics teacher.
62. You used to fake dumps all the time so you could dip in the
bathroom at
school.
63. You never have to ask a friend to dip with you more than once.
64. You swear you've heard the Bear growl at you before.
65. You once said, "It's too big."
66. A man who can swallow while dipping gains your utmost respect.
67. You dreaded having your wisdom teeth removed because it meant not
dipping
for a few days.
68. People all over the nation know you solely as The Dip King.
69. You once 69ed while packing a can of dip.
70. You hung out in The Pantry until Midnight on your 18th birthday
just to
buy a can of dip as soon as you possibly could.
71. You have what is known as The Magic Can under your car seat.
72. On your list of things to do before you die: Dip while getting
head.
73. You once told your friends to place a dip in your mouth at your
funeral.
74. After losing your last high school baseball game, a group dip on
the bus
almost made the hurt stop.
75. At one point in your life, you used to wake up and bust a fatty
before
breakfast.
76. Your mom brings you and your friends spit cups.
77. Your mom once gave you and your friends health brochures on the
dangers
of smokeless tobacco.
78. You read those brochures just to pick up more dip lingo.
79. You wondered if it is possible to literally throw in a dip.
80. If marrying dip was legal, you might consider it.
81. You vowed to yourself that if you ever see Earl on the street, you
will
beat all your dip out of him.
82. You make up ludicrous stories about a man named EArl who steals a
dip out
of your can on the production line, and sometimes catch yourself
believing
these stories.
83. Everytime you finish a can, a part of you dies with it.
84. You once sneezed dip on your windshield.
85. You look forward to road trips just so you can dip in new counties.
86. You once filled up a 20 oz spitter on a 3 hour road trip.
87. You also forged a note from the full spitter to the cleaning lady
asking
her to not throw it away in which you refered to the bottle as "A Happy
Spitter".
88. You dipped in a sauna for no reason.
89. You constantly ask yourself, "Why am I not dipping?" only to
immediately
alleviate the problem.
90. You believe that a dip shared with your buddy is more meaningful
than the
deepest of conversations.
91. You get added, secret enjoyment from calling someone a dip-shit.
92. If you had an older brother named Chet, and he said, "Did you spit
in
this?" You would most likely have to say yes. (Wierd Science reference)
93. After witnessing a friend accidentally take a swing of his spitter,
you
actually did "feel his pain".
94. You almost caused a massive car pile-up trying to read a Copenhagen
Billboard on the interstate.
95. One of the reasons that your friends love to have you around is so
they
can watch you tilt your head back and hock up a loogey until you look
like
you're gonna die.
96. You once won an award for your dipping ability.
97. You honestly believe that High School would have been ten times
better if
it was called High Skoal.
98. You said the word Skoal out loud to see how it would sound as a
name for
a son.
99. You once pledged your love to a dip.
100. You often have dreams where you are dipping.
101. You play baseball.
102. You once bit a dip out of the can.
103. Out of every one hundred words that passes out of your mouth, one
of
them is "dip"
104. You can't remember all the times you said, "This dip is kicking my
ass."
105. You made your little brother Scotty dip.
106. You freak out at the slightest hint of a buzz.
107. You can place events of your senior year in high school using what
flavor of dip you were dipping at the time as a guideline.
108. You weren't too happy with your baseball coach for a week after he
told
you you couldn't dip during the school ball season.
109. You anxiously await the arrival of the new Skoal Outfitter's
Catalog.
110. Your theory of Six Degrees of Separation: Every thought in your
head can
be traced, within six steps, back to dip.
111. You have experienced extreme panic with one of your friends when
the dip
ran out and declared a 3:00 am tobacco search that resulted in a
frenzied
rush all over the house until a can was found. Futher more, during this
rush,
you were convinced that if dip was not discovered soon, life as you
knew it
would cease to exist.
112. When asked "What would you do in my situation?" You usually
respond with
"Dip."
113. You have on more than one occasion typed "dip" at the Yahoo search
engine.
114. You frequently greet friends by insisting that they "Bust a fat
dip."
115. Your motto is "A friend with dip is a friend indeed."
116. You brought dip to your physics teacher's house.
117. Your left hand is subconsciously constantly checking to make sure
no one
pick-pocketed your can.
118. You once harrassed a high school cheerleader at a basketball game
for an
entire half because she hid your can the weekend before.
119. You were captivated for several innings how spit seemed to
dissappear on
the green carpet in your baseball dugout.
120. You once ate a sausage biscuit with a dip in.
121. A girl has dipped simply because of your influence.
122. You're name is not KJ. (I dont get this one.... ask Jo about it)
123. You're dipping right now.
124. Every time you go on break at work you go in the break room and
all you
can think to yourself when you look around is "Fucking Smokers"
125. You have gotten so good at dipping that your girlfriend doesn't
even
know you have one in when your doing the wild thing
126. You make coasters for your beer cans our of the lids of your tin.
127. You went to college and now your away from your best Dip
friend.But
having a Dip over the phone takes the lonliness away.
128. You substitute your meal for dip.
129. You and your friend each dipped half a tin and your friend
swallowed
some, and puked in the 7-11 parking lot.
130. 5 minutes later you labeled it as a "Skoal Moment".
131. You've dipped while taking a dump and realized that you don't have
a
spitter. Instead of swallowing you attempt to spit between your legs
and get
the spit it the toilet. It didn't work.
132. You pack a can while watching T.V. Just to annoy your roomates.
133. You confuse the term D.U.I. as "dipping under the influence"
134. You thought about actually giving up dip. Only to throw in a Dip
to
remove the thought. Telling the dip your were sorry for ever thinking
such an
awful thought.
135. You've dipped in the back of A&W while flipping burgers.
136. Your girlfriend said "its the Dip or Me!" And you instantly
replied "the
dip."
137. You have a friend who's white trash just because he dips.
138. You've dipped during a school assembly.
139. If you can't remember an answer on a test you immediatley fill in
the
blank with the word "dip"
140. You've dipped during your high school graduation ceremonies.
141. Your enjoying a dip in your drivers license photo. (this is true
for
me!)
142. First thing you do when you get on the net is go to "Spike
Molson's Page
of Smokeless Tobacco."