To make a long story short  3 years later we had a son and when our 9th anniversary was a month away he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. Now mind you, I just got home from a weekend away and I felt that something was wrong but didn't know what it was. I was in shock so I took off out of my house at 2:30am and I ran and I cried.

Well I realized that emotionally I couldn't take care of the kids then and money wise it would be even harder as I had no job that could come close to taking care of them so I thought it was best for my ex to take care of them and foolishly I believed the promises he made to me at the time. Now its almost 2 years later - the kids won't talk to me, won't see me.  They are a girl (11) and a boy (almost 8) and it's really killing me.  I was suicidal then and still am to a point. Now I can't find a lawyer that i can afford to help me. I live in a different state and no one here will touch it.  I feel like I have lost my children.  I have looked everywhere for a support group and found this one by accident. That is how I came here.